What's For Dinner?

Meal time is a struggle in kitchens across the country, if not across the globe.  Mine is no exception.

I've been preparing meals for my children for 13 years and almost every evening, I dread the question, "what's for dinner?"  I don't like to have to make the decision of what to make, I don't like to cook, and I really don't like it when my kids reply to my response with, "eww," or "awwww," or "again?"  Doing it all on my own, night after night, during Hortio's long 21 month deployment is tiring.

I've instituted many policies, with regard to mealtime, over the years.  Some have been successful and some have failed.  The one I stick to, no matter what, is: "dinner is dinner.  Eat it or don't, but don't complain about it."

I have found there are a few key elements to successful mealtime with picky kids.

First and foremost, ban the complaints.  In my kitchen, if you complain about the meal, you get one chance to back down, after that, the offender will suffer consequences, such as loss of dessert, which follows dinner. (More on dessert, later.)

Require a "No Thank-You helping."  Kids should have to try what is served to them.  Trying new things is good for expanding their tastes and teaches them good manners for when they are not at home.  If they try everything at home, they are likely to make a good impression when served something new while out to eat.

Always include one acceptable item.  I make sure that each meal includes at least one item each of the kids will eat.  This way, I know they won't go to bed hungry.  If I am serving a new recipe, I might also offer rice on the table. All of the boys like rice, so even if they don't like black bean meatless loaf, after their no-thank-you helping, they can fill up on rice and satiate their appetites.

Dessert follows dinner.  Dessert is not tied to what or how much the child eats.  It is not a reward, it is just part of the meal.  It took me many years to get to this point.  We tried making the kids eat everything on their plates to get dessert.  We tried making them eat at least so many bites to get dessert.  You get the picture.  None of these tactics worked.  They only served to make it a mind game for everyone at the table.  It drove us all crazy.  So, now, as long as the kids eat a no-thank-you helping of each food served at dinner, without complaining about it, they get dessert.

Sticking to these guidelines helps make meal time enjoyable for my family and it can for yours, too.  With so many tasks to juggle, as a temporarily single mom, making the rules clear and constant makes my life easier and the kids' life more predictable in a time of uncertainty during their Dad's deployment.  It doesn't always go smoothly, but usually it does and we are all happier for it.

No Use Crying

It's all fun and games until something upsets the apple cart, so to speak.


Single parenting is not easy, nor is it complicated.  The hardest part, for me, besides having to do absolutely everything- every day, is the logistics of getting the boys to their various appointments and activities, all at the same time.  It's not rocket science, though, all it takes is for me to swallow my pride and ask for help.  Thanks to supportive friends, we work it out.

What throws me off my game is anything that goes wrong.  One little thing that adds extra work to my day can really knock me off track.

Today I really did feel like crying over spilt milk.  Here's what happened...
Dwight poured himself a glass of milk this morning.  He had a few sips and then put it in the fridge.  Yes, I've told him not to do this what feels like a thousand times.  I reminded him two days ago.  He is 11 years old, though, so my expectations only reach so high.  In his mind, thanks to our philosophy of minimizing waste, he was doing the right thing.


Tonight, during the tiresome, yet necessary task of making dinner for the boys, I knocked the glass of milk over- in the fridge.  Insert exasperated sigh here...

My initial instinct was to yell, growl, find someone else to clean it up.  Facts are facts, however annoying, it was my fault and no one else would, or should, clean it up.  So, slightly dramatically, I admit, I cleaned it up.  Bounty paper towels are a staple in our house for a reason.  Spills happen.  In the end of the day, it truly isn't worth crying or yelling over spilt milk.


It's just a bit of a mess.  No one was hurt.  The fridge was due for a little cleaning anyway.  I soaked up the milk, sprayed it down with a water/white vinegar solution and wiped it again.  A half roll of Bounty in the trash and the job was done.  I poured myself a drink, sat down and watched my boys calmly watching The Amazing Race. 

After 14+ months at this job of single parenting, I'm happy to say that that I am still not a yeller.  It's not always easy and is a big relief to know.  An incident like the refrigerator milk spill is a cliche reminder.  It really isn't worth crying/yelling over spilt milk.  Only a handful of things warrant a parent yelling.  It's a hard habit to break, but the kids REALLY appreciate it and actually listen better when parents don't yell.


We are 75% finished with this deployment.  I can almost see the end of the road where I know Horatio will be home and it won't be as much of a struggle to keep my patience in tact.   When Horatio is home, he often helps with the milk spills or pours the drink.  For that, I am thankful.

One thing I've always done, every since Horatio first started traveling for extended periods of time, 20 years ago, is redecorate to pass the time.

It all started when we lived in Scotland.  Newly married and isolated in a small town on the west coast of Scotland, I was bored and lonely and watched whatever American television I could find.  I watched Oprah every day.  She was my link back to the U.S.

She had decorating tips on the show even back then and I used to try to implement them.  I'd move pictures around, move furniture around, buy accents.  Horatio never knew what he might find when he returned from a trip to Brussels, Amsterdam, The Hebrides, etc.

As time has passed, my redecorating efforts have increased.  I've progressed to moving large furniture, with the help of Dwight, my muscle man 11 year old son.  I plant flowers and bushes and seed the grass.  Once, I painted a bathroom.

Horatio left on Friday after a great two week visit.  While he was here we talked about painting the off white/yellow family room.

I dropped Horatio at the airport at 9:30 and by 10:00 I was at Home Depot buying paint, rollers, brushes, tape and more.  (We'd already chosen the color we'd seen at our friends' house on Christmas Eve.)

I drove home, moved furniture away from the walls, climbed up on a ladder and started taping up the trim and ceiling.

The taping took 2 hours, requiring some precarious balancing for the peaks of the vaulted ceilings, and was tiring, but I probably would have started to paint at that point had I not had 4 children asking when we could have dinner.  They have a tendency to need to eat a few times per day.



The next morning I was painting by 8 am.  I banished the kids to the playroom/rec room in the basement and they were pretty good about giving me the time to paint. 

Once, Dwight came up to talk with me and put his hand on the wet wall.  He learned his lesson.  Surprisingly, Harold was pretty good about it.  He came up to talk to me several times, but kept his hands off the walls.

The painting took 3 1/2 hours.  (Thank you Behr for making paint and primer in one step a possibility!)

Later in the afternoon, I took the tape down and moved the furniture back, and that took another hour.
I love the results.  I rearranged the furniture while I was at it, of course, and love the new arrangement, too.

The thing of it is that when there is no spouse around for conversation, or, let's face it, needing meals, help, or other such attention, things get done a lot faster!  Of course, in most ways it would be easier to have a spouse around during big projects to take care of the rest of the chores around the house, but the projects keep me busy and I love to see the immediate results.

So, I'll probably keep changing things around and Horatio will worry about the changes while he's gone, but love it when he returns, as always.

That's the way things go...