"The Worst Day Ever"

Today was not a great day, but in the grand scheme of things, it wasn't that bad.

I left the boys in the house for a short outing to get the oil changed in my car.  When I stopped at the store to buy apples on my way home, I got a call on my cell phone.  It was my neighbor, whom I don't know very well.  He said, "Your kids are yelling out the window.  They say they are locked in a bedroom."  This was more than a little embarrassing, so I very quickly explained to him that I had turned the door knob of that bedroom door around so that when I give my 3 year old a time out, he can't get out.  I thanked him and quickly called another neighbor and close friend and asked her to dash over to the house and free the boys, which she did.

When I returned home, shortly thereafter, I asked the boys how they knew my cell phone number to give it to the neighbor.  They explained that 7 year old Bob knew it.  Dwight said that Bob doesn't know how to go through caller i.d. or the phone's saved numbers, so he'd memorized it.  It's a good thing he did because otherwise they might have been left in there until I got home.  Dwight was in a bit of a panic.  He admitted that he had freaked out while they were locked in the room.  He even did some damage to the door, trying to break it down.

As I suspected, 3 year old Harold had turned the lock and then one of the other boys had closed the door, not knowing it was locked.  Since Harold is now sleeping in the main bedroom with the other boys, we've turned his old room into the "man cave" and all of their Lego creations are on display in that room.  The boys spend quite a bit of time in there.

I have now taped up the locks on ALL of the doors in our house.

I was definitely thankful that nothing dramatic happened while they were in there.  A few hours later, I was even more grateful for the timing since at 1:51 p.m. we experienced a 5.9 magnitude earthquake!

I heard and felt the rumbling and quickly realized what was happening.  All four boys came running up the stairs asking what was happening, was it an earthquake?  I confirmed that it was and calmly but quickly shuffled them out the door.

They were all shaken up (pun intended) especially Bob and Dwight.  Dwight wanted to know what in the world was going on today.  Was the world going to end?

We spent a good amount of time talking about what an earthquake is and why we don't need to worry now and then they went back downstairs to play.  Bob and Dwight came upstairs to check in, periodically, asking questions to get reassurance that all was well. 

Dwight accompanied me when I went down the street to pick up dinner.  Bob called my cell phone to tell me he had a bad taste in his mouth and he couldn't get rid of it.  He said he'd had it since the earthquake.  I asked him what it tasted like and he said, simply, "nervousness."

Dwight knew that I'd bought Bob's Halloween costume a few weeks ago, when he'd told me how much he wanted to be Voldemort, from Harry Potter.  He is currently reading book #4 and is a big fan of the series.  Dwight suggested that we give Bob the costume early, as a show of appreciation for remaining calm and saving the day when they were locked in the room.

It was such a sweet thought, coming from an older brother, so I went ahead and let Dwight open the package and give the costume to his little brother.  Bob was beyond thrilled and played in the costume until bedtime.  Before going to bed, Bob gave me a hug and said, "Mom, you really turned my day around.  I thought it was the worst day ever, but now it turned out ok.  Thanks."

The "talk" for a seven year old

Seven year old, Bob, has asked where babies come from several times over the past few weeks.  He has asked at odd times, like at the dinner table or in the car with all of his brothers around, so I have avoided answering him by saying we could talk about it later, when it is just the two of us.

Two nights ago, though, he asked again while I was helping him to get ready for bed and I could no longer put off the inevitable.  My mind raced for the right answer. 

Each child is unique and each is ready for a different level of information and detail and different times.  Bob is bright and knows a lot, but his "awareness" of human relations is not high.

So, here's what I said.  "There's a special kind of seed in a mommy and a special kind of seed in a daddy.  When the mommy and daddy want to make a baby, they give each other a special kind of hug and the seeds go together in the mommy and grow into a baby."

He gave a satisfying, "Oh.  Thanks, Mom," smiled and dashed out the door to brush his teeth.  No further questions!

Phew.

I recently purchased two books about puberty and S-E-X for my preteen and teenaged boys.  I pre-read the books and found that the one that is all about puberty: American Medical Association Boy's Guide to Becoming a Teen  is age appropriate for 10 year old Dwight, but It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health (The Family Library)   is too advanced, in other words, TMI, for Dwight, but will be a good resource for 13 year old Zack. 

This is a tricky topic for many parents but it cannot be ignored.  Ignorance leads to no good.  So I hope my experience will help other parents.

What's a Cleava? Here's What... Plus a GIVEAWAY!!!

One of my favorite podcasts is Lian Dolan's The Chaos Chronicles.  Lian is funny and witty and always has interesting things to say.  In March she mentioned something called the Cleava, you can listen here.  Lian had received a press release about the product and thought the concept was funny.  The idea intrigued me.  I often find myself in situations when I'd like to be a bit more covered than the cut of my clothing allows, so I contacted the company to ask some questions and they sent me a sample to review here.

What a great creation this is!  You may think to yourself, "how hard is it to put on a camisole?  Why would I want a Cleava?"  Well, sometimes a cami just won't fit under your clothes, and sometimes it is hot outside and another layer of clothes, no matter how thin, makes you even more sweaty than you would have been without it.

Coincidentally, I recently bought a dress for a special occasion and it shows a bit more skin than is appropriate for the event.  So, this morning I unwrapped my brand new Cleava and tried it on with the dress.  As the website shows, the Cleava is very easy to put on.  The material is high quality and the workmanship is very good.  It takes seconds to put on and I could even put it on after I was already wearing the dress.  Here are before and after pictures: (taken by my 10 year old)

 I am very happy with the results.  I know I will get a lot of use from my Cleava.

Get one for yourself!

The best news is that I have one to give away!  You can enter by becoming a follower of the blog and leaving a comment on this post.  You can also head over to the Been There Done That Mom page on facebook and "Like" it for a second entry (leave a second comment here telling me you did so), and follow @BTDTmom on twitter for a third entry (leave a third comment here telling me you did so).  Be sure to leave your email address here so that I can contact you if you win.  The contest will be open through Friday, August 19.

Cleava comes in dozens of materials and designs, I am sure I will want to get others.  Sure, tank tops and camis have their place, but the Cleava will definitely come in handy.

Ready or Not

You are Better Off When Ready
I know that many, if not most moms, are eager for school to start in the next month or so.  I actually prefer it when the kids are home.  I’d rather not have to: make lunches, rush out the door, hurry through the daily tasks, monitor homework, fit in dinner, and rush them to bed, only to start again the next day.

Probably since my oldest was in first grade I’ve said that if I could, I’d keep them home with me, rather than send them to school.  No, I really don’t want to homeschool, I’d just rather not have to deal with the ups and downs of the school days.  That said, ready or not, school will be back in session soon; very soon for many kids around the country.  My kids don’t start until after Labor Day, though, so I’ll enjoy the dog days for a another month
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I know opening day is out there.  I’ve seen the displays at Target, gotten ads from Office Depot, signs everywhere remind me of the countdown to the opening bell.  So, I decided to venture out do the supply shopping.  I used to look forward to buying the school supplies.  All the freshly sharpened pencils, crisp notebooks and the wonderful aroma of crayons beckoned.  Now, though, it’s hard to find pre-sharpened pencils.  Therefore, I am the one who has to sharpen them; this thought severely dampens the experience, especially since I have three school aged children, all of whom have about 50 pencils on their supply lists.
Having three school aged kids to buy for makes it a daunting task.

As I stood in the aisle at Target, I found it hard to even get started.  I looked at the first item on the list for the first grader- 2 boxes 24 ct. Crayola crayons.  Crayons are seventh on the list for the fourth grader and not on the seventh grader’s list at all.  Do I go through the first grade list, then the fourth grade list, then the seventh grade list?  Or do I try to get crayons for both at the same time so I don’t have to back track?

I didn’t even get a single item in my cart before I gave up.  Having my 2-year-old in tow probably did not help my state of mind.  I decided to do the shopping from the comfort of my home, online.  Sometimes spending a little more (and it really is very little and the box of supplies comes right to my door) in order to preserve sanity, is worth it.

Getting ready for nine months of packing lunches and snacks is something I do not even want to think about right now, but thinking about it can help me prepare so it’s not such a daunting task.  The main thing I do to make it all easier is to have easily packable items on hand at all times and have back up items to throw in when we run out of time in the morning.  Bags of chips, Uncrustables, bunches of grapes, small applesauces, yogurts, string cheese, etc. all are easy to pack foods.

Bulk bags of healthy snack foods are perfect for helping make the daily snack easier.  (I, personally, don’t remember ever having school sanctioned snack time after kindergarten, but that’s just me.)  I like to keep bulk bags of almonds and dried fruit on hand.  I can just scoop a small plastic container into the bag, pop on the lid and voila- snack is ready for the backpack.

The key to back to school, as any other time in our busy parenting lives, is to make things as easy as possible on ourselves.  Why fret over the small details when, very often, there is a simpler way to go about the task?
The start of the school year is a great chance to start with a clean slate.  Set up a system to make your life easier.

Set a specific place for the kids’ backpacks so that when the kids come home from school, the backpacks, coats, etc. don’t end up all over the house.  You can hang hooks just below the kitchen counter or just inside the door so that the backpacks hang nicely.  Get a coat rack or hang hooks for the kids’ jackets so that they don’t end up dropped at the entryway.  (I also do this with the towels and swimming suits after a day at the pool.)  The key is to keep the mess manageable.  Your house may not look Architectural Digest photo shoot ready, but you’ll feel calmer… at least I do.

Get the children used to a schedule again.  In our house, during the school year, the boys have to read a novel or nonfiction Sunday night through Thursday night.  On the weekends, they can read whatever they choose.  In the summer, they have free choice on Wednesday nights as well.  As it gets closer to the start of school, we go back to the school year reading schedule.  Also, the boys do a bit of “school” work each day.  I print a work sheet off of the internet from a site like math-drills.com.  The boys have to do a worksheet before they get their daily screen time.

All this “order” might make me sound like a drill sergeant and give you the impression that my house runs with military precision (I am a Navy wife, after all). However, just like any other household, we roll with the punches.  Hiccups happen every day, in one form or another.  But, with all of these systems in place, at least the potholes in our path cause only small bumps in the road and not flat tires that take us off the road completely.

10 tips and tricks to get your kids to eat more vegetables

As I've said many times before on this blog, mealtime can be one of the most stressful times of the day for families with small, and even not so small, children. Setting strict rules and limits can be the trick to getting family dinner to run more smoothly. When it comes to getting your children to eat more vegetables, there are many tricks you, as a parent or grandparent, can employ.

1- Take you children shopping with you at the grocery store with the best looking produce in the area. Better yet, take them to a farmer's market. Let them touch, smell and express their innate curiosity. Doing so will most certainly lead to them asking you to buy new vegetables.

2- Give in to their requests to buy even the oddest choices of vegetables. Maybe they think they don't like cauliflower, but when they see a purple cauliflower they might be tempted and the purple variety is packed with antioxidants, so chop it up and serve it with dip, or steam it and serve it with soy sauce. Do whatever it takes. The point is, they might expect you to say "no" to their requests for unusual items, but when you "give in" and make the purchases, they will be more likely to taste and enjoy the healthy foods.

3- Serve cut up veggies with dip. The old stand-by, ranch, is usually a hit, but try hummus, or cream cheese or even ketchup. My boys will devour an entire 2 pound bag of baby carrots if they can sit at the table and dip the carrots in ranch dip or ketchup. It sounds crazy, but it's true.

4- Dress them up- the veggies, that is. This will only work with the younger set, but do not underestimate the power of a smiley face to lure kids into trying new things. Use the vegetables to make artwork on a pita or tortilla. Make a smiley faces with olives, cucumbers, peppers, tomatoes and lettuce, like this:

A kid can't help but be tempted to taste the different parts of the face.

5-  Hide the veggies.  Wrap a cucumber in a slice of vegetarian bologna (the veggie bologna will add vegetable protein and they won't even notice). Slice a tomato into thin slices and roll one with a slice of cheese.  Put thin pepper slices onto a tortilla, spread on some shredded cheese, roll it up... delicious!

6- Bake zucchini bread.  This is a great recipe, and you can call it cake bread or breakfast bread or blueberry bread and the kids will be none the wiser!

7- Bake brownies.  Try a recipe like this from Jessica Seinfeld's book Deceptively Delicious, and the kids will have no idea the vegetables are hidden inside a sweet dessert.

8-  Make a lasagna and put a package of drained, frozen chopped spinach into it.  If you mix the spinach into the sauce, the kids won't even see the dreaded GREEN specks and will eat it up, getting their daily fill of folic acid, which is great for moms too!

9- Puree a vegetable like peas and add them to your ground beef mixture with spices to make a delicious, nutrient filled, hamburger.  You can even count the pickle relish as cucumbers in the end of the day vegetable tally, if you want.

10- My favorite recent discovery is kale.  My boys- all four of them- love roasted kale!  We call them kale chips.  I pull the leafy parts from the ribs/stalks and lay them out on a baking sheet.  The kale does not have to be in a single layer because the leaves shrink as they bake.  I spray the leaves with olive oil, shake on some salt or garlic salt, bake for 10-15 minutes at 375 and it's done!  It really is delicious.  You can use this same "recipe" with broccoli, cauliflower and several other vegetables.  Use your imagination.

The point is, there are many ways to get our kids to eat more vegetables and other healthy foods.  These ten tips and tricks can help, but we can start by eating vegetables ourselves- without making scrunched up faces!  You can't expect your kids to be excited about dipping a carrot stick into ketchup when you are dipping your french fries into it.  Set an example and eventually the kids will follow your lead.  In the meantime, the tricks will get them started on the path toward a healthy lifestyle.

“I wrote this blog post while participating in the SocialMoms and Peas and Thank You blogging program for a gift card worth $30. For more information on how you can participate, click here.”

Surviving the School Year With Ease

Summer is in full swing, but depending on where you live, school will be starting in as soon as a few weeks.  The signs are everywhere, I've been to Target twice this week and have avoided the Back to School section for sanity's sake.  I'd rather stay in the summer mindset for as long as possible.

However, Back to School time is out there.  It is approaching more quickly than my boys like to think.  Every year, before school starts, I like to get a game plan in mind.  I want to be as organized as possible and get off to the right start so that we can survive the daily grind with poise.  Or, at least appear that way.

First, I designate a place for the four boys to put their backpacks when they get home from school each day.  Before they even wash their hands (a must when they get home) they are to empty the backpacks of anything needed for homework and anything that I need to see/sign/return.  Backpacks should be organized and cleaned out at least once per month in order to avoid being overwhelmed by clutter.  Encourage kids with lockers to keep anything they don't need at home, at school secured in their locker.  There are some very cool locks out there, like this one from Master Lock.

And watch this fun video: 
And find out more at their facebook page: www.facebook.com/masterlock

My kids have a set time for homework.  It isn't the same time for each of them but each boy knows his time and we stick to it.  I find it works best to have a little down time after school for a snack and brain refreshment and then have them get to the homework sooner than later, so that the time does not get away from us.  Usually 30 minutes to an hour of downtime is good.

Finally, a set time to get ready for bed and a set time for lights out is crucial to having a successful school year.  There are charts, like this Sleep chart, that tell you the approximate amount of sleep that each age group requires.  These are a good place to start to gauge what time your children should turn out their lights and you can work back from there.  My seven year old and three year old start getting ready for bed at 7:15.  The seven year old can read from the time he gets in bed until 8:00, when he shuts off his light.  My three year old shuts of his light when I leave the room after our book, song and prayers.  My 10 year old starts getting ready for bed at 8:45 and his lights out is 9:30.  13 year old, Zack, goes upstairs at 9:20 and his lights out is 10:00.

A good night's sleep makes everything else in the home run more smoothly.

These seemingly simple steps really will help make your family life easier during this school year.

Roadtrip with Kids

I took the boys on a road trip and, in the interest of saving gas money and being a bit more green, we took our smaller vehicle, a hybrid.  In doing so, I realize that most of what I packed last year for this adventure was completely unnecessary.


I packed each of the boys' clothes in his school backpack.  Since we were traveling to my parents' house, I knew we could do laundry.  I packed each boy 3 pairs of shorts, 5 shirts, one pair of pjs and 5 sets of underwear.  Of course, I packed more clothing for myself, but that is the privilege of being the mom and the packer!

The trip was about 14 hours of driving, before you figure in the stops.  Yes, it's a long drive, but we do it in one day and it's what I'd recommend to any other family traveling like this, unless, of course, the driver gets tired.  Then, by all means, stop at a hotel for a night's rest.  For me, though, a bit of 5 Hour Energy gets me through the last bit and I'd much rather have one long day, than 2 long days plus a restless night in a hotel with 4 boys. 

Of course I miss Horatio and would prefer to have him with us all summer, but I have to admit that being able to do it all on my own schedule, listen to my own audio book choices, have my own snacks, etc., isn't so bad.

Recommendations I have for others embarking on such a trip are as follows:

Pack light

If you have a DVD player, take a variety of DVD choices, making sure each child has 2 he likes.

Check the condition of the headphones before departure.

Keep extra batteries in the glove box.

Use dramamine for any child who has ever shown a hint of motion sickness.

Keep a supply of sickness bags.

Pack snacks: Boxes containing small bags of pretzels, crackers and cookies work best.  The children can make a choice, eat their snack, and dispose of the trash.

Give each child a bag for trash so that the garbage does not accumilate.

If you make a stop for gasoline or potty breaks, make every passenger use the facilities, no matter what, so you don't end up stopping again 15 minutes later.

Don't sweat the small stuff.  You'll get there when you get there.  Enjoy the scenery!

Be safe.

10 Time-Saving Tips to Make Your Life As A Busy Mom Easier

Let's face it.  As I've said many times before, right here in this blog, parenting is hard.  One of my goals, as the Been There Done That Mom, is to help my fellow moms' lives easier.  Over the past 13 years of my parenting life, I've had game plans, adjusted them, re-adjusted them and polished them.  Now, in particular, I have to be organized.  I am temporarily a single mom because my husband is deployed for at least 18 months.  He's been gone for 6 months already, so I'm getting pretty good at staying organized.  (I hope my friends and family who read this don't laugh out loud.  I'm trying.)  It's an ongoing process, but in many areas, I've got it down...  For now, anyway.

So, here is a list of 10 ways you can make your life easier.

1.  Keep a Calendar and Actually Use it.
Sure, it seems obvious.  What family doesn't have a calendar hanging on a wall somewhere in the house?  The problem arises when appointments, meetings, field trips, strings concerts, etc., don't make it from the email messages and newsletters to the calendar.  I find that as soon as a new date pops up in my email or in a phone call, I have to walk immediately to the calendar and write it down or it floats out of my brain, never to be found again.  Even better than having just the paper calendar or white board, is one of the online calendars.  Google has one, Mac has one, there are several out there and if you put an appointment on a specific date, then anyone who has access to the calendar can see it.  This is very handy for busy families.

2.  Plan Meals
One of my least favorite things to do is plan what is for dinner.  It's definitely one of my weak areas.  Once I know what we are having, though, I can go into auto mode and cook the meal and put it out without incident.  So, I find that if we sit down and decide what we will have for dinner each night of the week, on Sunday, for instance, I don't have to think as much and the evening goes much more smoothly.  Sometimes I let one child or another plan the meals for a week.  Or, I give each child a day of the week to select the menu.  Giving the kids input helps them have some ownership of the plan and makes for less whining at dinner, and less need for wine at dinner for me!  A second point in this step to making your life easier is, when making your shopping list, you should try to write the list in the order the items appear in the aisles of your store.  I, personally, prefer to do my shopping at Target, if possible.  The prices are good, I can get my groceries AND my every day items, AND I can stop at Starbucks on my way out of the store.  It's the trifecta of shopping trips.

3.  Set Homework Time
If left to their own devices, I think most kids would wait until just before bedtime to do their homework.  This is not a good plan.  I also think that making kids do their homework as soon as they get home leaves a lot to be desired.  Kids need some down time, just like we do.  At our house, we set an alarm to go off at the same time each day.  When the alarm goes off, about 45 minutes after the boys get home from school, they know it is homework time.  No arguing.  45 minutes gives them time to wash up (very important after a day at school), get a snack, run around or watch TV or whatever helps them relax and refresh.  By the time the alarm goes off, they should be ready to get to work.

4.  Set Expectations
This idea is less concrete than the others on the list so far.  But, it is probably the most important for helping to make your home life easier.  If kids don't know what you expect of them, you can expect them to fail to live up to your expectations.  Be clear.  Explain what you expect of them when you say, "clean your room."  Or if you say, "clear the table," but you really want the dishes, napkins, serving dishes, condiments- EVERYTHING, off the table, then make it clear that that is what you expect.  Setting the expectations ahead of time will save you a lot of time either doing the task yourself or explaining what you meant in the heat of the moment.

5.  Let the Kids Sort the Laundry
In our house, with 4 boys, I realized early on that having separate hampers for the different laundry loads would save enough time to make it worthwhile.  I bought a sorter with three separate sections.  The boys, including 3 year old Harold, know to put darks on the right, lights in middle and whites on the left.  All I have to do on laundry day (pretty much every day is laundry day around here) is take the clothes from one section, drop it into a basket, carry it to the laundry room and wash.

6.  Keep Socks Separate
I have to give credit where credit is due.  My husband, Horatio, came up with this idea when he saw me struggling to sort through about 100 white socks.  Each son has a different brand of socks, which is a start in helping to make the pairing up process easier.  Horatio came up with an ingenious way to make it even more simple, though.  I bought 4 lingerie bags and labeled each with our boys' names.  When the boys go to put their laundry in the proper section, they also put their socks in their own bag.  Then, when the socks are clean and dry, I can quickly pair them up and put them away.  I've even gone further with the older two boys, ages 13 and 10 1/2.  I take the bags and dump the socks into their underwear drawers and let them do the pairing up each day.  Let's face it, a white sock is a white sock and since each kid has his own brand, they all match.

7.  10 Minute Tidy
I have to admit that I stole this idea from a children's show on PBS.  The clown character used to have a 10 minute tidy in each show.  I applied this idea to my kids.  If I tell the boys to "clean up the playroom," they get overwhelmed and annoyed and the whining begins almost immediately.  If I set a timer, turn off the tv, turn on music and proclaim that it is time for a 10 minute tidy, the whining is minimized and you'd be surprised how much can get put away in 10 minutes.  I should get back to the Set Expectations point, though.  Explain that tidying up means putting toys/video games/books/etc. in their proper places.  Sticking everything under the sofa or in a drawer is not really cleaning up.  Doing this will just make the job harder next time.

8.  Make Good Use of a Coat Rack
I'm pretty sure some readers might have read that line and said, "huh?"  So, I'll explain what I mean.  Last summer I was overwhelmed by our family's pool outings.  We have a membership to our neighborhood pool and the boys like to go every day.  But, when the boys started asking to go to the pool, all I could think of was the 4 wet suits, the 4 wet towels, the goggles, the swim shoes, the snacks, the MESS!  After a lot of thinking, I came up with the idea of a coat rack.  I went online and searched for a relatively sturdy one.  I wanted one I could use in the summer for swimming gear and in the winter for coats and hats.  Now, when we get home from the pool, the boys hang their suits and towels on the coat rack in the entry way.  Sure, it's not the most attractive thing to have near the front door, but people who come to our house know we actually live there.  It's not a show house, after all.  At least this keeps the stuff from sitting in a pile collecting mildew!  The rest of the gear goes into a cute pool bag that I ordered from Lands End, and the bag stays in my car.  Now, when it's time to go to the pool we just grab our stuff and go.  We know where it is, the suits and towels are dry and the goggles haven't gotten lost somewhere!

9.  Labels
No, I'm not talking about deciding which of your children is the smart one or the silly one or the trouble maker.  That would be wrong... right?  A few weeks ago, I was finally fed up with finding more drink ware than we have family members on the kitchen counter and table.  The boys would take a cup, drink from it, and then leave it on the counter or table.  Then when they were thirsty again, they'd forget which one was theirs and just take another one.  By the end of each day, there were at least 6 or 7 kids' cups in various positions around the kitchen.  So, I took out a sharpie and labeled cups with the boys' names on them.  Now, not only do they know which cup was theirs, if someone leaves one out at the end of the day, I know which kid to "remind" to put it away.  There's no room for error OR denial!

10.  Don't Put it Down, Put it Away
I'm as guilty as the next mom when it comes to clutter.  It makes me crazy, though.  I turned over a new leaf this year- at least I'm making an effort at doing so.  My new philosophy is, "don't put it down, put it away."  This way of thinking and doing helps everyone in the family.  I try to remember to put things away the first time, so I don't have to do it later.  It basically saves half the time.  If you are carrying something in your hand, take the extra minute to put it in its proper place and you won't have to move it later.  If I carry one of my 3 year old's toys in from the car and set it on a chair in the living room, on my way to the kitchen, I'll eventually have to go back and pick up the toy and put it somewhere it belongs, which will take at least a minute.  If I put it in its place the first time, it will probably take an extra 20 seconds than just setting it down on my way through the house.  Doing it the right way every time would really add up to a lot of time saved.

11.  Bonus! Hire a Professional Cleaner
Yes, it will cost some money, but it will save you SO much time it is probably worth it.  Let's face it, cleaning your house is time consuming and with our busy lives, we probably don't do a great job at a thorough cleaning.  I find that hiring someone great to clean my house not only saves time, but it keeps my house cleaner and neater.  Every two weeks, a fabulous woman comes to my house and cleans it from top to bottom.  I have to tidy up before she comes, so it keeps me motivated to keep the house less cluttered in the first place.  Of course I have to spot clean in between.  I have to clean the toilets practically every day- I do have 4 boys, after all.  But the house is spotless once every two weeks, even if it's just for a few hours before the kids track in the leaves or spill pretzels or drop their school papers in a trail from the door to the kitchen.  I cherish those few hours and you probably will too.

“I wrote this blog post while participating in the SocialMoms and Starbucks blogging program, for a gift card worth $30. For more information on how you can participate, click here.”

Why I Love Verizon Fios

As a Mom of four children,  I can say for sure that all kids are different.  Personalities can be molded, slightly, buy nurturing and environment, but when it comes down to it, really, personality is biological.  Plus, there are some things that are the same for all kids.

As a military spouse, I have had to do a lot of parenting solo.  My husband works long hours.  He often leaves before dawn and returns after the kids have gone to bed.  He has also been deployed for 2 years over the course of our boys' childhoods.  We have moved 10 times and have never lived close to family, so, as I've said in my blog many times, I often have to use television as a babysitter.

Over the years, the kids' tv viewing has evolved.  For Zack, age 12, I recorded Teletubbies on an 8 hour videotape so that I would not have to rewind again and again.  When Dwight came along, I had the tapes that I'd made for Zack and dvds had become commonplace, so no more rewinding.

When Bob was small, we purchased a dvd player with a built in dvr.  I thought I'd gone to heaven.  What a great convenience, I though.  We could record his shows, and ours, and watch them when we wanted to watch.

When we moved to Northern Virginia in 2009, our realtor said, "You have to get Verizon Fios.  It's amazing."  I have to admit that I wondered what the big deal was, but I made the call and had it installed.  I liked the idea of having phone, internet and tv all under the same service.

Little did I know about how fabulous the service is.  I'm glad I didn't know what I was missing before we moved here.  What I love about Fios, and can't imagine living without now,  is the multi room dvr. 

I love the fact that I can record my three year old's programs and he can watch them on any tv in the house.  I recorded an hour long episode of his favorite show 15 months ago and it's still there, on the dvr.  He can watch it in the kitchen while he eats breakfast and I clean up from his brothers' breakfast, or he can watch it in the master bedroom while I take a shower.  I love it and he loves it.

I also love the fact that, since, as a busy mom of four with a deployed husband, I usually miss my favorite shows when they are on in the evenings, I can can watch them in the basement while I run on the treadmill the next day- or 3 weeks later- whatever the case may be.

Fios also has great customer service.  With their in home agent and the ability to chat live via the internet, if a problem arises, their friendly customer service agents always help me solve the problem quickly, so I don't lose the features I love.

I really hope the Navy doesn't move us again, or at least not to an area not served by Fios.  I'd really miss it.


“I wrote this blog post while participating in the SocialMoms and Verizon FiOS blogging program for a gift card. For more information on how you can participate, click here.”

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Mother's Day- slightly different

So, as a married single mom, for 5 months, with at least 14 to go, I didn't expect much on mother's day this year.  My darling, devoted, husband is busy and the email I received two days before Mother's Day asking if there's anything I want for the day, was more than I had hoped for.

I have been pleasantly surprised, though.  When I offered to reschedule a canceled play-date for Dwight for Sunday, he said, "that's mother's day, mom, how about Monday?"  I knew that Dwight and Bob have been working on gifts in art class at school, and they eagerly presented the results to me AFTER letting me sleep in.  Dwight has repeatedly asked what I want to do for mother's day.

Harold has joined the crowd and enthusiastically wished me a happy day again and again.

Even Zack has asked what he can do for me.  This, after watching his brothers present me with their hand made gifts and saying, "Your gift is ME."  He has a point.  After all, he's my first.  He made me a mom 12 1/2 years ago.

So, while I still had to make breakfast, empty the dishwasher, do 4 loads of laundry, etc., it is shaping up as an enjoyable, happy mother's day.

Sleeping in- you CAN do it

I'm tired.

It's basically a permanent state of being for me and probably for many of you, if you have young children. Probably if you have older children as well, but for different reasons. I'm not looking forward to losing sleep over worrying late at night about my boys' whereabouts. For now, though, my sleep deprivation is due to my young early risers.

I remember having a conversation about kids' sleep with some mom friends a few years ago. At the time, I was expecting my fourth child and someone asked me which of my boys was my good sleeper. My reply was, "I'm hoping this one will be. So far, I don't have one."

I was not exaggerating. The boys take after their father who is an early riser- he leaves for work at 4:30 a.m. without complaint. I am most definitely not an early riser and I like my sleep; I really like it. So, from the time the boys could identify numbers, I began to teach them the rules of the house.

I know some families who have a rule that their kids can't get out of bed before 7:00, but that is unrealistic in my house, so I chose 6:00. As soon as children can recognize a number, you can teach them that until they see that number on the clock, they cannot get out of bed, or at least cannot get out of their room.

I found it helpful to cover the minutes of the digital clock so that there could be no confusion as to which number to identify. A simple post-it note is enough to cover the numbers. Once the children are older, you can tell them that it's the fist number that must be a 6 or 7. My older boys still remember saying that they could not get out of bed before six-oh-oh.

You can instruct the children to play quietly in their rooms if they wake up before the specified time. Once the time has passed, you can set up a safe environment that allows the kids to be up and fed and you to lie peacefully in your bed- REALLY.

Children as young as 2 can be set up with an age appropriate dvd, a pile of books and quiet toys and a sippy cup of milk. This can buy you 30 minutes to an hour. Sure, you will have to get out of bed to set it up, if you don't have older children to help you, but you can easily go right back to your cozy bed.  Be sure the home is child safe first, of course.  (Lock up any cleaning chemicals, put away small, choking hazard toys, close the basement door, etc.)

For slightly older children, you can set up their cereal, or other breakfast, on the table, set the tv to the correct channel and they can turn on the tv and eat quietly.

The earlier you teach your children to do these things independently, the stronger their confidence and feeling of independence will be. This is a great trait for kids. It will help them in all areas of their lives, when they are young and as they grow. So, you are not only helping yourself to more sleep, you are helping your children into confident, productive citizens of the world!  It's win-win.

Sure, a three year old will beg you to stay in the room with him, but that's what three year olds do. If you tell him that he has the choice to stay up and play and watch the dvd and drink milk or he can may go back to bed, I can tell you from experience that he will choose playing quietly 95% of the time and you will be able to get some extra sleep.

If you start to question the course of action and wonder if you are copping out, reassure yourself. You are getting your much needed rest and that will make you a better parent for the rest of the day. I know it works for me.

If I'm tired, I can be cranky, and if Mama's not happy, nobody's happy!

Times Have Changed

Yes, times have changed, but parenting hasn't.  Or, at least, it shouldn't have. 

Our kids are exposed to more violent and sexual images on tv and in video games, but we can still teach them that mimicking the behaviors they see is inappropriate and unacceptable.

The rule in our house is if I see any negative behavior that is remotely related to a tv program or video game, the program or game is immediately off limits in the house.

As I've said before, my boys get a lot of screen time.  As long as their behavior and actions are positive, they get to keep the privilege of screen time.  By modeling and positively acknowledging good behavior and actions, we usually don't have problems. 

I am frustrated when I see kids acting out and parents excusing the violent, inappropriate actions by blaming television and video games.  There's no reason for this.  As parents, we have to raise good citizens.  Kids are not going to learn empathy and manners from tv, we must teach them. 

Some people say that preschoolers are too young to learn manners.  That enforcing pleases and thank yous on them is artificial.  I say that is a cop out.  We show them how to appreciate things and teach them to show the appreciation.  We teach our children respect for others, empathy, and good manners, no one else will.  It is the same as when our grandparents were young.  They did not have the same electronic influences, they had the hooligans, but I am pretty sure that if they began to exhibit the behaviors they learned from "the bad element" their parents would teach them right from wrong, and so should we.

Dear Mr. President

Dear Mr. President and Mrs. Obama,

I am writing to you to appeal to you to light the White House Blue for World Autism Awareness Day, April 1st and 2nd.  There are several reasons I think this is a great idea.

I am a military wife and a mom to four great boys.  My eldest son, Zack, has high functioning Autism.  Did you know that while 1 in 110 children has autism, 1 in 88 military kids has it?  I just learned this statistic myself.  As a great advocate for Military Families, Mrs. Obama, we'd appreciate your support in this.  April is also the month of the military child.

We are lucky to live in an area where we get good support through our local school, but know many, if not most, families like us are not so fortunate.

My husband deployed in December.  The boys and I are in Northern Virginia.  Zack has moved 8 times in his 12 years.  You may or may not know that transitions are one of the biggest challenges for Autistic kids.   I work very hard to keep our life stable for Zack and his three brothers.  We all work hard together and will be lighting our front lights blue for the whole month of April.

If 1 in 110 kids have been diagnosed, that means at least 9% of the voting public is affected by autism in some way.  What a great way to show your support than to light the white house blue for two days!  We, the families, would really appreciate the effort.


It was fun to see that you made the White House fountain green for St. Patrick's day, so please do this for us.

We, the autism family community, are counting on you!

Many thanks,
Erin

I was right

I took Dwight to the doctor and as I suspected, both ears are severely blocked by fluid.  The doctor put him on antibiotics, zyrtec (continued), singulair and gave him nasonex to use if it did not start to get better.

He is still not hearing well at all, so we will start the nasonex today.  I had his teacher move his seat so that he can be near to where she stands.  He told me that when they had their initial spell check at the start of the week, one of the spelling words was "eagle" and he thought she said "evil."  Who knows how much information he has missed.

I hope it gets better soon.

What to do...

My 10 year old can't hear.  At least I think he can't.  A few weeks ago he told me his ears were stuffy.  They didn't hurt, except maybe a little now and then, but for the most part, it was just annoying him.  I gave him zyrtec and sudafed and after a few days, it got better.

Lately, though, he is not hearing well.  He noticed it and told me about it, but he says it's fine now.  I can't ignore the fact, though, that when I talk to him he does not hear me the first time.  Could it be selective hearing?  Maybe, but I don't think so.  He isn't that sort of kid.  He doesn't space out or tune me out.

He says he's fine.  He does not want to go to the doctor.  This is a kid who had four sets of tympanostomy tubes and had his adenoids removed.  He is afraid of having to have more surgery.  I've told him that is highly unlikely, given his age, but he still doesn't want to go to the doctor.  He insists he is fine.  I am pretty sure he is not fine, though.

He's a worrier, that's for sure.  So, I haven't told him yet, but he will be going to the doctor on Monday afternoon.  I've been giving him Zyrtec and Sudafed for a week and he still doesn't hear me or mis-hears me.  For instance, the 3 older boys are watching a movie right now and I said, from about 10 feet away, "Is this a good movie, guys?"  And Dwight answered, "I'm fine, Mom."  Hmmm.

We'll see what the doctor says.  I think he got so used to ear pain from having so many infections, he doesn't even realize when he has one now.

Private Parts- keeping the lines of communication open

Sometimes my husband's absence is more glaring than others.  Last night was one of those nights.  I walked into my bedroom, having settled the three year old in his bed.  I found the three older boys sitting on my bed, talking about Pokemon.

I walked over to the bed and the conversation took a turn...  to the uncomfortable side...

6 1/2 year old- "Mom why do private parts sometimes stick out...  like mine is now?"

12 1/2 year old- "Oh, that's called an erection."

10 year old- "Isn't it an irection?"

12 1/2 year old- "No, it's erection, or sometimes people call it a boner."

6 1/2 year old- "a boner?"

10 year old- "Yep."

12 1/2 year old- "Cause it's like there's a bone in it."

10 year old- "What if it snaps?"

39 year old mom- "You have to make sure that doesn't happen."

10 year old- "But what if it does?"

39 year old mom- "Sweetheart, you just have to make sure it doesn't because that is a very serious injury...  OK, everyone into bed now.  It's reading time."

6 1/2 year old- "Mom, when will it go away, it's very uncomfortable."

39 year old mom- "Soon, sweet pea, soon.  Let's brush your teeth and you'll probably forget all about it."

And thank heaven for small favors, he did.

It's times like these that the temporary long-term absence of my husband is more obvious.  Of course, when I sent him an email to tell him to get himself home so HE could deal with this conversation, rather than I, he said, "that's ok, you go ahead."

I've been the facts of life teacher in the family ever since the first question surfaced 3+ years ago.  I don't shy away from it because I'd rather they get the information from me than from classmates.  After last night's conversation, though, I am reminded that they get information from their peers no matter what.  It just makes it more clear that my input is very important and I have to ensure they get the facts at home before they get them at school.

I bought a book back when the questions first came up.  It is called, It's So Amazing.  It is a great resource for kids to get questions answered about everything from the basics of reproduction to HIV, sexual abuses and more.  I highly recommend it.  The creators of It's So Amazing also wrote the book It's Perfectly Normal for pre-adolescent kids.  That will be my next purchase. 

It would be easy to cower from these topics while my husband is deployed, but the truth is, the more open I am and the more information they get from me, the more comfortable they will be talking about these important issues with me.

Clearly, when they are throwing the B word around with me in the room, it is a sign they feel at ease talking with me.  It's important now, but it's even more important when they are teenagers.  I'm happy the lines of communication are open.

It's not always easy to talk about the birds and the bees with our kids, but parenting isn't easy, you just have to buck up and do it!