Homework, Homework

Parents often ask me when they should step in to help their kids succeed in school and when they should back off and let them fail.

After several years of combat duty on the homework battlefield, I have no trouble encouraging other parents to take the leadership role after some good basic training of the troops.  Give them a good foundation of habits and then back off.

Early in a child's education career, he or she needs our guidance to learn the school's and our expectations and how to meet them.  We need to actively show our children how to meet or beat the requirements set by their teachers.

Many schools even require teachers to present the students with rubrics by which the students will be measured in a given task.  When this is the case, a parent can easily go over the rubric with the child and reiterate that the items listed are exactly what is expected of the student.  Parents should explain, depending on the abilities of the child, that he or she should meet or beat the expectations of the teacher.

For a child above the primary grades, at this point, the parent should back off until the end of the task.  When the child thinks he or she is finished with the project, the parent can then look it over and make suggestions as to how to make improvements, if appropriate.

In my own home, I find that second grade is the key age to make a big difference in the path the child will take toward academic success.

My kids are in grades: Eight, Five, Two and preschool.  My Eighth grader and Fifth grader each tested the waters of what they could get away with as far as homework and projects are concerned in first or second grade.

My now eighth grader, Zack, would feign helplessness.  He would ask questions at every stage of his homework.  Finally, his second grade teacher, Mrs. Larson, whom I will never forget, said I needed to tell him to do the work on his own.  She said he was more than capable of doing the work and doing it well.  He was using me as a crutch and if I didn't put a stop to it then, it would probably never stop.  She gave me great advice.  She told me to make a homework space for him and get him settled and comfortable in it and to tell him not to come out until his work was complete.  (Bathroom breaks were permitted, of course.)

I followed her guidance and, wouldn't you know it, it worked!  It took me a while longer to learn my lesson, though, I remember, vividly, the relief map/diorama I "helped" him make during his unit on Native Tribes.

Now in grade eight, Zack does a pretty good job getting his work done.  He overcomes a lot to get there, too.  His Asperger's Syndrome throws a lot of obstacles at him but we work together as a team to keep him organized and despite road bumps here and there, he does a great job and my input is more limited than could have been the case.

We keep a separate calendar, in a prominent place in the kitchen, for special projects and long term assignments so they don't get put off until the last minute and we keep notes on the white board in the kitchen for weekly to do lists.

My now 11 year old presents slightly different challenges.  Dwight asks for help less frequently but if I'm in the room, he will test to see how many questions I'll answer for him.  I tried to banish him to a "homework cave" but that method failed with him.  He does best working in the kitchen where there is activity going on and does not like to work alone.  So, when I find he is asking questions I think he doesn't need me for, I conveniently find that the laundry needs to be transferred, or one of the other boys needs something.  Most of the time, by the time I return from completing my task, Dwight has figured out the problem and moved on with the next. 

Dwight is fully on his own when it comes to class projects, other than a little constructive input or guidance.  I do not touch his work.  It is HIS work and not mine and I make that very clear.  "I've told him that I already graduated, so I don't have to do school projects.  Now it is his turn.  So far, so good.

Young Bob is bright, like his brothers, and has no trouble with his homework, except when he misreads the directions.  Until recently, I'd only get an occasional question for clarification of instructions but he completed his work quickly and, for the most part, without errors. 

Now, though, he is bored with the work and somehow "forgets" he has homework.  I should be better about checking the online "blackboard" the teacher posts to, but I admit, that is something I've let slide.  I feel deeply that it should not be the responsibility of the parent to take an extra step to monitor the child's homework.  When Bob failed to turn in his weekly word study for the first time, he got a stern reprimand from me and while the teacher said he didn't need to do it over the weekend, mean mom (me) said he did have to do it.

He tried one more time to tell me he didn't have homework but I pressed and learned he did.  I gave him a final warning.  "Homework is to be completed on time and turned in to the teacher or privileges will be lost."  My job is to be firm but loving, not a pushover.  Parenting is hard, it's a job to be done.  We can, and should, snuggle our kids at bedtime.  Homework time is not the time for coddling.

The boys have full control over whether they suffer consequences at school at at home.  Do the work and everything is great.  Don't do the work and grades suffer and Mom takes away ipods and screen time.  It is a simple equation.

I know that my methods and stick-to-it-iveness get more fine-tuned as each of my boys goes through the early elementary years.  Hopefully, by the time Harold reaches 2nd grade, I'll be near perfect.  I should be, but probably won't be.  I'll be better, though, and he'll be better off because of it. 

As Zack enters high school, I am glad we set good habits at the start of his academic path.  It isn't an easy road but we march on and learn as we go.  Establishing these routines sets the boys up, as best we can, for success in school and wherever they land after graduation.

IEPs and 504 Plans- Be Ready

504 Plans and Individualized Education Plans (IEPs) are the source of angst for many parents of school aged children.  I’m here to tell you that these plans work for kids, and they are worth the hard work required by parents and educators to get them right.  

I'm not going to beat around the bush, though, you have to work the system to get them and work even harder to get the plan to work for your child.  I’m definitely not here to bash the system, I want to arm you with the tools to get through the process and come out on top.

One of my sons has Asperger’s Syndrome, dyslexia and dysgraphia, and I suspect that one of my other sons has dyslexia as well. I’ve been attending IEP and 504 Plan meetings for eight years, so in this case, I really am a been there- done that mom. 

The most important thing that I’ve learned, and it’s been a hard lesson to learn, is do not let yourself be intimidated at the meetings.  It is easy to let yourself get overwhelmed by the sheer number of administrators, educators, counselors and specialists sitting at the table.  It has happened to me on more than one occasion and is very frustrating to walk out of the school building and suddenly realize that I did not succeed in getting my child what he needs.  

Here’s how to make sure each meeting is successful:

Know what you want.  Before you go to the meeting, decide what your objective is.  Do you want a 504 Plan for your child or an Individualized Education Plan for him?  504 Plans are simply educational and environmental accommodations for your child.  Teachers and administrators are obligated to follow the plan in every way possible to help your child be as successful in school as his or her peers.  An IEP is a list of goals and a timeline stating how and by when the goals will be reached.  Good information can be found online at sites like this: 504 Plan vs. IEP and this: IEP Goals.    

Lay the Groundwork. Start by contacting the teacher directly.  Sending an email is effective because it gives you a record of all contact.  Once you have made your inquiry, the teacher is obligated to follow up and get you the information you need and set up a meeting, if warranted.  

Be Prepared.  Now that you know what type of plan you want for your child and have a meeting set up, revisit the key websites and write a list of accommodations or goals for your child.  Be specific so that you can make yourself clear in the midst of all the voices at the meeting, which can be an emotional setting.  

Anytime a parent is working hard to help her child, emotions can take over, and levelheadedness is crucial to success at these meetings.  Showing emotion is perfectly fine, of course, but you have a clear mission and need to keep a clear head so that the desired end result is always in sight. 

Stay on Track.  Once you are in the meeting, keep your eye on the prize.  Unfortunately, oftentimes, the teachers, counselors and administrators see your goal of getting an IEP or 504 plan as just one more thing to do in their already busy week.  An IEP or 504 Plan creates more work for many people at the school.  If your child is getting by, they might try to talk you out of your plan.  DO NOT LET THEM DO THIS.  You spent a lot of time and energy getting your plan together.  You know what is best for your child’s education.  Stay the course, but do so nicely.  Keep a smile on your face and kindly refute their efforts to dismiss your concerns.  Getting your child a Franklin Speller is not the answer to helping him learn to deal with his dyslexia. (This was actually suggested to me at a recent meeting!)  If you know that your child needs real help to get an equal education, then be assertive.  Remember, you catch more bees with honey, so smile when you assert yourself, but show them you mean what you say and that you have no intention of backing down from your goal.

If you follow these steps, you will get your child what he or she needs.  It might seem like an insurmountable objective, but the system is set up to work for you, you just have to learn how to work your way through it.  

It is definitely a learning process, but hopefully the course will be easier now that you are ready for action.

Good Luck.

Ready or Not

You are Better Off When Ready
I know that many, if not most moms, are eager for school to start in the next month or so.  I actually prefer it when the kids are home.  I’d rather not have to: make lunches, rush out the door, hurry through the daily tasks, monitor homework, fit in dinner, and rush them to bed, only to start again the next day.

Probably since my oldest was in first grade I’ve said that if I could, I’d keep them home with me, rather than send them to school.  No, I really don’t want to homeschool, I’d just rather not have to deal with the ups and downs of the school days.  That said, ready or not, school will be back in session soon; very soon for many kids around the country.  My kids don’t start until after Labor Day, though, so I’ll enjoy the dog days for a another month
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I know opening day is out there.  I’ve seen the displays at Target, gotten ads from Office Depot, signs everywhere remind me of the countdown to the opening bell.  So, I decided to venture out do the supply shopping.  I used to look forward to buying the school supplies.  All the freshly sharpened pencils, crisp notebooks and the wonderful aroma of crayons beckoned.  Now, though, it’s hard to find pre-sharpened pencils.  Therefore, I am the one who has to sharpen them; this thought severely dampens the experience, especially since I have three school aged children, all of whom have about 50 pencils on their supply lists.
Having three school aged kids to buy for makes it a daunting task.

As I stood in the aisle at Target, I found it hard to even get started.  I looked at the first item on the list for the first grader- 2 boxes 24 ct. Crayola crayons.  Crayons are seventh on the list for the fourth grader and not on the seventh grader’s list at all.  Do I go through the first grade list, then the fourth grade list, then the seventh grade list?  Or do I try to get crayons for both at the same time so I don’t have to back track?

I didn’t even get a single item in my cart before I gave up.  Having my 2-year-old in tow probably did not help my state of mind.  I decided to do the shopping from the comfort of my home, online.  Sometimes spending a little more (and it really is very little and the box of supplies comes right to my door) in order to preserve sanity, is worth it.

Getting ready for nine months of packing lunches and snacks is something I do not even want to think about right now, but thinking about it can help me prepare so it’s not such a daunting task.  The main thing I do to make it all easier is to have easily packable items on hand at all times and have back up items to throw in when we run out of time in the morning.  Bags of chips, Uncrustables, bunches of grapes, small applesauces, yogurts, string cheese, etc. all are easy to pack foods.

Bulk bags of healthy snack foods are perfect for helping make the daily snack easier.  (I, personally, don’t remember ever having school sanctioned snack time after kindergarten, but that’s just me.)  I like to keep bulk bags of almonds and dried fruit on hand.  I can just scoop a small plastic container into the bag, pop on the lid and voila- snack is ready for the backpack.

The key to back to school, as any other time in our busy parenting lives, is to make things as easy as possible on ourselves.  Why fret over the small details when, very often, there is a simpler way to go about the task?
The start of the school year is a great chance to start with a clean slate.  Set up a system to make your life easier.

Set a specific place for the kids’ backpacks so that when the kids come home from school, the backpacks, coats, etc. don’t end up all over the house.  You can hang hooks just below the kitchen counter or just inside the door so that the backpacks hang nicely.  Get a coat rack or hang hooks for the kids’ jackets so that they don’t end up dropped at the entryway.  (I also do this with the towels and swimming suits after a day at the pool.)  The key is to keep the mess manageable.  Your house may not look Architectural Digest photo shoot ready, but you’ll feel calmer… at least I do.

Get the children used to a schedule again.  In our house, during the school year, the boys have to read a novel or nonfiction Sunday night through Thursday night.  On the weekends, they can read whatever they choose.  In the summer, they have free choice on Wednesday nights as well.  As it gets closer to the start of school, we go back to the school year reading schedule.  Also, the boys do a bit of “school” work each day.  I print a work sheet off of the internet from a site like math-drills.com.  The boys have to do a worksheet before they get their daily screen time.

All this “order” might make me sound like a drill sergeant and give you the impression that my house runs with military precision (I am a Navy wife, after all). However, just like any other household, we roll with the punches.  Hiccups happen every day, in one form or another.  But, with all of these systems in place, at least the potholes in our path cause only small bumps in the road and not flat tires that take us off the road completely.

Surviving the School Year With Ease

Summer is in full swing, but depending on where you live, school will be starting in as soon as a few weeks.  The signs are everywhere, I've been to Target twice this week and have avoided the Back to School section for sanity's sake.  I'd rather stay in the summer mindset for as long as possible.

However, Back to School time is out there.  It is approaching more quickly than my boys like to think.  Every year, before school starts, I like to get a game plan in mind.  I want to be as organized as possible and get off to the right start so that we can survive the daily grind with poise.  Or, at least appear that way.

First, I designate a place for the four boys to put their backpacks when they get home from school each day.  Before they even wash their hands (a must when they get home) they are to empty the backpacks of anything needed for homework and anything that I need to see/sign/return.  Backpacks should be organized and cleaned out at least once per month in order to avoid being overwhelmed by clutter.  Encourage kids with lockers to keep anything they don't need at home, at school secured in their locker.  There are some very cool locks out there, like this one from Master Lock.

And watch this fun video: 
And find out more at their facebook page: www.facebook.com/masterlock

My kids have a set time for homework.  It isn't the same time for each of them but each boy knows his time and we stick to it.  I find it works best to have a little down time after school for a snack and brain refreshment and then have them get to the homework sooner than later, so that the time does not get away from us.  Usually 30 minutes to an hour of downtime is good.

Finally, a set time to get ready for bed and a set time for lights out is crucial to having a successful school year.  There are charts, like this Sleep chart, that tell you the approximate amount of sleep that each age group requires.  These are a good place to start to gauge what time your children should turn out their lights and you can work back from there.  My seven year old and three year old start getting ready for bed at 7:15.  The seven year old can read from the time he gets in bed until 8:00, when he shuts off his light.  My three year old shuts of his light when I leave the room after our book, song and prayers.  My 10 year old starts getting ready for bed at 8:45 and his lights out is 9:30.  13 year old, Zack, goes upstairs at 9:20 and his lights out is 10:00.

A good night's sleep makes everything else in the home run more smoothly.

These seemingly simple steps really will help make your family life easier during this school year.