legos legos legos- what to do about the "I wants"

Kids are dreamers, right?  So, it makes sense for them to think about the things they want- a lot.  Where is the line, though?

Three of my boys love legos.  It's pretty much all they think about right now.  They build the sets they have, they dissect the sets and build new inventions.  They build huge lego "bases" and have battles and adventures.  They involve their friends, it goes on and on and it's great.

BUT, they also want more legos.  No matter how many we have, and we have PLENTY, (we have thousands) they want more.  They browse the catalogs, surf amazon.com and have recently discovered ebay.  These practices are fine with me.  I know it is natural for them to want things.  They are kids, after-all. 

But, where do we draw the line?  How much do I listen to "I want this set," and "I want this mini figure," and "maybe I'll get this set," before I put a stop to it?

They earn allowance for being "good family citizens" and can earn extra money by doing extra chores, so they can spend their own money as they choose.  I think it is OK for them to think of what they want, spend their money, and see what it is like to have no money left to buy more or other things.  But after listening to the "I wants" for a few days in a row now, I am growing tired of it. 

Sure, I tell them to keep a list so they can ask for the sets they want at holiday and birthday time, but the talk continues.

We have 9  more days before school starts and I'd prefer to not have to listen to the retail talk for that long.  So, I came up with a solution I hope will work.

Today I will tell them they can tell one another about the things they want.  If they want me to know about specific items, they can write them down and show me the list at the end of the day.

I hope this strategy works.

success!

Harold has not had wet pants or made a puddle since Wednesday morning- the first morning.  Hurray!  He asks to go and stayed dry in the car for 2 4 hour road trips and is dry at nap time and at night. 

However, while we've had some success with pooping on the potty, he's also had two accidents in his undies.  I am a firm believer that having no undies or pants on at home while training is the key.  When he has something confining his bottom half, he poops in them.  If he's bottomless, there's a much better chance he'll make it to to the potty.

To everyone else in the midst of the training- good luck!

Success?

The book says a child has successfully potty trained when he or she asks to use the potty on his or her own.  Just as I finished my last posting, Harold said, "Ok, I'm ready to go potty now."

We went to the bathroom and, miracle of miracles, he peed, more than a little.  There's no way I'd say he is potty trained, but I am optimistic and will start tomorrow with hope.

Now he is eating an ice cream cone.

Potty Training boot camp is in session

I know I say "I Read Every Baby Book- So You Don't Have To," but I haven't read them all.  It's an ongoing process.  Today I read one that was new to me.  It was about potty training your child in less than a day.  I took some tips away from it but basically it is common sense, just like most parenting books, the problem is, most of the time we don't do what we know we should do.

It's a common thread, I've noticed, among my mom friends.  Most of us know how we should parent, it's just too tiring to follow through sometimes.

That's how I've been approaching the potty training up to this point.  I want to get Harold potty trained, but I've been giving it only about half the effort necessary.  I know this.

So, with my three older boys at Grandma and Grandpa camp for three and a half days, I am putting on my drill sergeant's hat, I mean my determined mom hat, and getting serious about the potty.   I want the diapers out of my house.

So, the process goes like this...

Harold wakes up- 4:19 a.m.  I make him go back to bed and fight the good fight until 5:00, when I get him out of bed.  Then, I rub my eyes, take off his pjs and tell him it's time to go potty.

He fights a little, but does the deed.  He spend the rest of the day in "undies" and we make lots of tracks on the carpet and, luckily mostly wooden floors, back and forth to the bathroom.  Every 15 minutes or so.  Unfortunately, he only pees a little each time and usually pees more on the floor a few minutes after a trip to the potty. 

We had no fewer than 5 puddles of various sizes before nap time, but lots of small successes as well.

After nap and a VERY grouchy waking, Harold makes a good trip to the potty and seems quite proud of himself.  With every success, there is a LOT of praising.  I'm so proud, he should be proud, Grandma will be so proud, Aunt Annie will be so proud, his brothers will be so proud, etc...

I had to fold the two loads of laundry I'd done, so I put disposable training pants on him, over his undies.  Luckily, he did not pee in them.

I'm waiting for the number two to drop.  We'll see what happens.  Every time I ask him if he needs to go potty he says, "NO."  When I say, "It's time to go potty," sometimes he goes willingly and sometimes he does not.  It's hard to know whether to force it or not.  I'm not giving up, yet.  It's less than an hour to bedtime.  We'll start again in the morning.

words of wisdom for the day

If you don't want your kids to do something, tell them, "no." and then don't change your mind.  Kids will pester you and beg you to change your mind and will outlast you if you let them. 

Try something different next time.

When you get tired of saying, "no" and hearing them whine at you, rather than giving in, say, "I am not going to change my mind.  Stop asking or you will (fill in the blank)." 

THEN- follow through.

If they stop, reward them with a bit of praise a little while later.


If they continue to pester you, in any way, follow through with the consequence. 

It WILL make a difference, and quickly.

read this

Mothering is a great magazine with some great information.  Here's a link to their blog...
http://mothering.com/all-things-mothering/

Autism Speaks July 4th 5K

A great day.

We took part in the Autism Speaks 5K in Potomac, Maryland today.
It was a great day for many reasons.

For one, Zack could see that our whole family supports him and the cause of making his life less difficult.

Second, we could see about 1500 people supporting Autism Speaks, in one way or another.  Whether it was a team rallying around a family member or friend, or individuals just out to run a 5K, everyone contributed the entry fee, helping the group raise money for autism research.

Finally, it was helpful to see other families dealing with similar issues to ours.  Some families clearly deal with much larger challenges than we do, but we saw several kids who looked quite familiar to us, as well. 

Sometimes it's nice to just get out there and be reminded of what is and is not a big deal.

Thanks go out to the 2010 July 4th Autism Speaks 5K organizers!

Cry Baby

I don't cry.  It takes an awful lot to bring me tears or even close.  Over the years, I've been through a lot of ups and downs...  Being a Navy Wife, goodbyes, hellos, long deployments...  It's all part of the deal I signed up for, so I've had to make myself more immune to the emotional ups and downs.  The side effect is that I am less apt to get emotional at other events in our life.

On June 21st, my eldest son "graduated" from sixth grade.  I was proud of him, for sure, but I admit to being cynical about the day's event.  I mean, graduation?  Really?

Don't get me wrong.  My husband took the morning off from work, we took the camera and video camera, we were ready to document this mildly momentous event in our first son's life.

We lined up outside the cafeteria and filed in when the doors opened.  I positioned myself on an aisle seat so I could easily move out to shoot my photos and video.

The cooling system in the room was not working well,  everyone fanned themselves with the event programs. 

The student council president started the event with the Pledge of Allegiance.  As a Navy wife, I get goose bumps every time I hear it.

The principal opened the ceremony with some thoughtful remarks, telling the kids to be the best they can be for themselves and the middle school next year.  She said there could only be one best at any given thing but everyone can be his or her own best.  A nice thought, but hard to hear since the sound system was on the fritz.  

Between the heat and the poor sound system,  I have to admit that I kept checking the program to see how many things were left before we could vacate the premises.  

Finally, the kids came to the part in the morning when the they thanked the parents for all the support and love we've given them over the past seven years of school.  One of the students read a thank you and then all the kids came out to the parents and handed us a rose and a personal letter.  

Next, the kids took the stage to sing.  Seeing Zack up on stage, singing, "You'll Be In My Heart" did it to me.  I got choked up.  Seeing my nearly 12 year old, first son, moving from elementary school, on to middle school, suddenly became an emotionally charged event for me.  

I admit, I teared up a little bit, but for the most part, I beamed with pride.  It has not been an easy road for Zack.  He does wonderfully academically, but any given day is a struggle, socially, and to see him up there, with his classmates, knowing the possibilities that lie ahead, was a great feeling.  

I am glad they made a big deal about the commencement from 6th grade to middle school.  

Every event can be a big deal or less so, depending on how the adults in a child's life handle it.  It was a big deal to Zack and to all of his classmates.  It really is a moment of moving from "little kid" to tween.  

Next year, these kids are going to be held to different standards and will be exposed to many more adult experiences.  

The teachers and parents celebrated our kids' milestone.  I'm glad we did and look forward to all that is to come.

Next year, my youngest will start preschool.  Will I cry when he gets out of the car in the carpool line?  Now I'm not so sure that I won't...

Have you seen these diapers?

The commercial for the Huggies Jean Diapers is stirring up a bit of controversy. 

It turns out that certain networks won't include the ending tag line which includes a reference to pooping.  Give me a break!  It's a commercial for diapers.


I bought these diapers. I think they are cute, so if my littlest one is running around the yard in a diaper that isn't cloth, better he should be in these.

However, I do think the commercial is a little creepy.  I think that if the voice over was done in the voice of a 2 year old it would be funnier and more appropriate, but the humor does out weigh the creepy factor, in my opinion.


What's up with our culture when sexualizing a 2 year old is ok, but a poop reference isn't?
Give me a break.

Style Choices

What is a parent to do when a child makes a questionable style choice?

She lets him do it.  Usually.

A child has to be permitted to make these choices, which, in the long run, don't harm them.  They help the child figure out who he is. 

Of course, as with everything, there are exceptions...  If I know that a style choice will lead to teasing at school, the least I will do is warn my child that it could happen and then let them make the decision.

I also make them wait a few days if the change is dramatic.  I would not want them to make a rash decision and regret it soon after the change was made.

As far as fashion choices go, I usually stay out of it, other than saying, maybe, "just so you know, black shirt and blue shorts do not really go well together, you might want to think about changing."  If we are going out and I want the kids to look nice, I have been known to put my foot down.  Usually, on those days, I pull the kids' clothes out the night before and lay them out so the boys just put them on without thinking.  Usually, this method works, but not always.

I am writing this because I have recently been there and done that, again.  My 6 year old, who has had long hair for most of his life, has been saying he wants to get a shorter spiky hair style.  I put him off for a few weeks, but a few days ago, he became very sure of his desire for the new look.  So, I made the appointment, we printed out a style picture from the internet (love google images) and yesterday he got his hair cut. 

It was not easy for me.  I love his hair long, and it is kind of his signature look.  But I knew I had to let him do it.  In the end, it looks great.  Totally different, but fabulous nonetheless.

He feels proud that he made the change and hopefully he'll take this experience with him as he grows and matures.

Before...

After

Make your own frozen treats!

We love Trader Joe's for all their great products, but my new favorite is their Fruit and Cream Yogurt cups.  The kids LOVE them and I created a great, healthy dessert with them.  Stick a popsicle stick in the top, stick them in the freezer and you have a delicious, frozen treat.

The milk used for the yogurt is rBST free and the cups have 4 grams of protein and 6 grams of fat per serving- GREAT for our growing kids!

Thanks Trader Joe's!

The Difference

What's the difference between preparing for the birth of your fist baby and preparing for the birth of your second (third or fourth?)  EVERYTHING.

Here are two...

How many weeks are you? 
First time Mom- "22 1/2"
Third time Mom- "twenty um, wait, January, February  (counts on fingers) um, about 5 months."

Do you have your layette together?
First time Mom- "Yes, I have 12 onesies, 6 creepers, 10 pairs of cute little socks..."
Third time Mom- "Yeah, pretty much.  I think the clothes in the newborn bin are clean, I mean, they were clean when I put them in there and the lid has been on..."

In the throws of the TERRIBLES!

When a toddler enters the terribles, stand back, make a battle-plan and then move in.

Do not, I repeat- DO NOT go in without a plan.

My plan with the in-house 2 1/2 year old- time out in a naughty chair.  Lately, I've spent a lot of time walking back and forth to the naughty chair.  Harold often fights the time out, so I just walk him back to the chair and repeat, "time out, 2 minutes."

When he completes the time out, I bend down to his level and say, "you were in time out because..." and explain simply what happened.  Most often, lately, it is because he has thrown something or done a great big arm sweep across a table to make a giant mess on the floor.

I am sure there are many parents who can relate.  A toddler can be a terror, but I am soothed by the knowledge that they come out on the other end and return to our sweet children, whom we knew before they entered the stage of terribles.

Whether it's the twos or the threes is irrelevant.  I've learned from experience that kids enter and leave the terribles at different times.  What is predictable is that the terribles are a phase, like any other stage of development.  They are asserting their independence and new skills.  We have to help them through it all and guide them in their development as happy, healthy kids- oh, and protect the other siblings who often bear the brunt of the outbursts!

Do doctors know best?

So, whose kids get colds when they cut teeth?

Me! Me! Me!

Why is it that doctors say there is no correlation between teething and runny noses?  Well, I guess I know why.  It's probably because there is no scientific reason for the two to go together.  But, does that mean it isn't something that happens? 

I say, "no."

I have four children and nine times out of ten, they have gotten colds just as they cut a new tooth.  My 2 1/2 year old is currently cutting his upper second molars.  A couple of days ago, he started sneezing, then got stuffy and started coughing and running a low grade fever.  The teeth have cut through and the symptoms of the cold are getting better.

The connection is probably that the baby's immune system is compromised as they cut a tooth, so the cause is not a direct one, but there is clearly a link.

If your child runs a fever of over 101 for more then 72 hours, take him to the doctor, even if he is teething, the cold may have turned into something more, like an ear infection.  Otherwise, though, wait it out.  Treat the symptoms and give the baby Hyland's teething tablets to get him through the tough times.

www.pbskids.org/read 

has free online games for 3 age groups. Great for summer. Maybe kids can early club penguin time by first playing a reading game!

Vaccines- help or harm? what to do...

Now that I've got your attention, I want to be clear from the start.  I am pro vaccine, for sure, but also am extremely cautious with how I allow them to be used with my kids.

My eldest child is on the autism spectrum.  I have struggled with wondering what caused it for many years now and, like nearly everyone with a child on the spectrum, I cannot say for sure what the cause is.  In my opinion, it is a brain injury caused by environmental contaminants of some sort.  When I look back over the years, I can point to several possibilities, although, none is definitive.


First, I had pitocin for 24 hours during my labor and delivery of him.  I've heard a theory that extended use of pitocin could be a cause of autism.  My friend's son, who was born on the same day, in the same hospital, also with pitocin, is also on the spectrum...  Coincidence?

Second, could it be something in the water or environment?  Our neighbor, where we lived when Zack was 3 months - 3 years old, also is on the autism spectrum.  Another coincidence?

Finally, vaccines...  Zack got all the vaccines on the CDC schedule, on the CDC timing.  Sometimes he got 4 injections in one day.  I know that the medical establishment has studied the issue and has decided that vaccines are not the cause of autism, but I wonder if the toxins included in the injections could be another contaminant that contributes to the cause.  More studies must be done.

Scientists have ruled that the MMR vaccine is not the cause, but that does not rule out a theory that the chemicals contained in the vaccines contribute to a build up of toxins and lead to brain injury. 

My theory is that it is a combination of things.  I wonder if some kids can metabolize all the chemicals better than others.  The levels of the toxins build up in the bodies of the kids whose bodies have a tough time eliminating them and they eventually suffer the consequences.  Sometimes, kids get such a high level of toxins in one visit, the brain injury is immediate.  The shock to the child's system is too great.

So, what to do?  How can we, as cautious, worried parents, protect our kids from both the effects of the toxins as well as the terrible illnesses that the vaccines protect them from?  Clearly, we want to stay away from both, but at what cost?

I continue to vaccinate my kids.  I think it is a dangerous risk to leave our kids open to these illnesses.

I watched Frontline's recent episode, The Vaccine War, (watch it here:  Frontline- The Vaccine War ) about this very topic and was infuriated by the misinformed statements by the anti vaccine woman in the show.  She said that since the illnesses are no longer a threat in America, it is not necessary to subject our kids to the vaccines.  Has she not heard of the recent outbreaks of measles and whooping cough?  These illnesses are still common around the world and it only takes one child in a community traveling outside the country, becoming infected and returning to infect all the un-vaccinated kids at home.

Herd protection (the effect of most of the population being vaccinated and therefor protecting the remaining population) is only good in isolation.  One infected child can wreak havoc on a community.   If an infected child brings an illness into a community a baby who is not old enough to be vaccinated can contract the illness and even die. A child with a compromised immune system could quickly become infected and die.  These illnesses are real threats.

It is an isolationist, misinformed (perhaps ignorant) view to say that  the vaccines are unnecessary now. My third son suffered not one, but two bouts of rotavirus.  His 2 year old body was ravaged by the illness, vomiting 10 or more times in a day.  He had to be hospitalized and hydrated for 3 days each time.

Some people would say that a vaccine for this is unnecessary because we were able to control the illness but what about the millions around the world who do not have access to the medical care we had?  My fourth son had the rotavirus vaccine.

Here's how I resolve the issue.  I vaccinate my kids, but on an alternative schedule. I've read books on the issue and consulted with pediatricians and nurses and came up with a schedule I am reasonably comfortable with.  It limits the number of vaccines and combines only vaccines with different chemical make ups at any given visit.

You have to be dedicated to the effort.  It requires extra visits to the doctor's office, but in my mind, in helps keeps my kids safe- both from the illness the vaccines target, and the chemicals the injections contain.

If you'd like to see my schedule, leave a comment on the blog with your contact information and I will send it to you.

When Playdates go wrong

What do you do when your child and his friend aren't having a good time at a playdate? 

Yesterday, my six year old had a friend over and they could not agree on activities.  They like each other but have different interests.  My six year old is a third child and likes to do things his older brothers do.  His friend is the oldest of three and still likes to play with Thomas.  One of the best parts of having play dates is that the kids keep each other happy and occupied.  Yesterday was NOT successful.

Usually, they find common ground and have a great time but yesterday they could not connect.  One wanted to go outside, one wanted to watch tv.  One wanted to play with legos, one wanted to do a craft. 

After struggling to keep them happy together, I finally gave up.  I decided that they could go back to the ways of toddlers in playgroups and have parallel play.  I made sure they stayed in the same location- either both down in the play room- one playing legos, the other a video game- or both outside- one swinging, one climbing or playing with balls. 

Finally, the afternoon ended with them both in the kitchen watching the older brothers work on the computer and helping me bake cookies.  (The great equalizer!)

It was a long play date but they got through it and so did I.  I doubt they will want to play again soon but eventually will have a meeting of the minds, I am sure.

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