Notes From The Been There - Done That Mom

2012-01-02T11:30:00.000-05:00

One thing I've always done, every since Horatio first started traveling for extended periods of time, 20 years ago, is redecorate to pass the time.

It all started when we lived in Scotland. Newly married and isolated in a small town on the west coast of Scotland, I was bored and lonely and watched whatever American television I could find. I watched Oprah every day. She was my link back to the U.S.

She had decorating tips on the show even back then and I used to try to implement them. I'd move pictures around, move furniture around, buy accents. Horatio never knew what he might find when he returned from a trip to Brussels, Amsterdam, The Hebrides, etc.

As time has passed, my redecorating efforts have increased. I've progressed to moving large furniture, with the help of Dwight, my muscle man 11 year old son. I plant flowers and bushes and seed the grass. Once, I painted a bathroom.

Horatio left on Friday after a great two week visit. While he was here we talked about painting the off white/yellow family room.

I dropped Horatio at the airport at 9:30 and by 10:00 I was at Home Depot buying paint, rollers, brushes, tape and more. (We'd already chosen the color we'd seen at our friends' house on Christmas Eve.)

I drove home, moved furniture away from the walls, climbed up on a ladder and started taping up the trim and ceiling.

The taping took 2 hours, requiring some precarious balancing for the peaks of the vaulted ceilings, and was tiring, but I probably would have started to paint at that point had I not had 4 children asking when we could have dinner. They have a tendency to need to eat a few times per day.

The next morning I was painting by 8 am. I banished the kids to the playroom/rec room in the basement and they were pretty good about giving me the time to paint.

Once, Dwight came up to talk with me and put his hand on the wet wall. He learned his lesson. Surprisingly, Harold was pretty good about it. He came up to talk to me several times, but kept his hands off the walls.

The painting took 3 1/2 hours. (Thank you Behr for making paint and primer in one step a possibility!)

Later in the afternoon, I took the tape down and moved the furniture back, and that took another hour.
I love the results. I rearranged the furniture while I was at it, of course, and love the new arrangement, too.

The thing of it is that when there is no spouse around for conversation, or, let's face it, needing meals, help, or other such attention, things get done a lot faster! Of course, in most ways it would be easier to have a spouse around during big projects to take care of the rest of the chores around the house, but the projects keep me busy and I love to see the immediate results.

So, I'll probably keep changing things around and Horatio will worry about the changes while he's gone, but love it when he returns, as always.

That's the way things go...

Hot Pants- Yes they are

2011-12-28T19:04:00.001-05:00

I received my HotPants, for review, from the company Zaggora over a month ago. I really had no idea what to expect but when I opened the package I found what look a bit like black bicycle pants lined in bright yellow, made from wet suit material.

HotPants were born from the idea that the appearance of cellulite can be reduced by Celu-Lite technology which increases perspiration by up to 80%, reduces the appearance of cellulite and body fat.

You can wear the HotPants to increase the intensity of your work out or just wear them as you do housework and go about your business.

I have been running on my treadmill at least 4 days per week (most weeks) for the past year and eagerly put them on for my next morning's run. I've lost about 10 pounds since I started this work out regimen and had been stuck at there for a while, so I had high hopes, but realistic expectations.

I mean, really, pants that can help you reduce your dress size?

What I found:

The HotPants increase perspiration for sure! They are super comfortable, though tight to pull on the first time and I was drenched in sweat after my workout, the pants themselves did not feel wet, nor stinky. I was completely comfortable during my workout. I did not feel sweaty under the pants at all, but I had definitely perspired more than usual during my 30 minute run.

I have not worn the HotPants around the house, only to work out.

I've run 20-30 minutes 3 to five days per week, wearing the HotPants for about 6 weeks.

I have dropped an additional 3 pounds since starting the wear the HotPants! I've also dropped a pant size. I like to think that it is in part due to my great work out, but I must give credit where credit is due:

Thank you HotPants.

My one complaint is that the seam on one side of the pants became un sewn. I quickly sewed the 2 inch gap on my sewing machine and they are as good as new.

I recommend the HotPants to anyone looking to increase the power of their workout. I will continue to wear them and hope to continue the trend of weight loss.

The product will be released officially next month.

Disclaimer: I received the HotPants free from the company for my review. The opinions are mine and are honest.

Book Review: Silver Smoke (Seven Halos Series #1)

2011-12-27T15:29:00.000-05:00

Silver Smoke a great book for fans of fantasy and the supernatural. Monica Leonelle's first book was fabulous. She is a great writer.

The story is addictive and the book was hard to put down. The characters are complex and have flaws, that make them complicated and very realistic. It is easy to connect to the characters and to root for them all the way to the end.

I found the story to be complex and unpredictable, which I love.

The author has crafted a tale of myth, legend and lore which suck the reader in from the beginning. There are the classic story conflicts of good vs evil, as well as more subtle conflicts woven throughout the story.

You'll find yourself rooting for the unlikeliest of heros and will not be disappointed.

The book can be found here: Silver Smoke

Great Gift Giveaway- Hickory Farms

2011-12-12T18:25:00.001-05:00

It feels like Hickory Farms has been around forever. 60 years, to be exact. They have been around so long because they are a great company and offer a quality product and fabulous customer service. Of particular interest to many of my readers, and to me, is the fact that many of their products ship free to military addresses.

CELEBRATING 60 YEARS OF HICKORY FARMS®
When Hickory Farms was founded in 1951 in the pastoral farm country of Ohio, the products quickly became a hallmark gift for those who appreciate rich and savory foods. For the past 60 years, Hickory Farms’ commitment to personalized service and the legendary quality of its products have kept the company popular on gift lists everywhere.

Hickory Farms brings the best of Midwest values and unwavering quality to consumers in North America and the U.S. Armed Forces all over the world. Customers can find Hickory Farms’ award winning sausage, cheese and other specialty items at 750+ Hickory Farms holiday stores, online at hickoryfarms.com, in catalogs, and at leading retailers throughout the holiday
season.

Hickory Farms has a great tradition of giving.

THE TRADITION OF GIVING BACK
Hickory Farms is committed to giving back through its partnership with Share Our Strength®, a leading national not-for profit organization working to end childhood hunger in North America. This holiday season, when customers purchase a Party Planner gift box, Hickory Farms will contribute $5 to Share Our Strength’s No Kid Hungry® Campaign*. Customers will also have the opportunity to include a $1 donation to the campaign with their purchase at a Hickory Farms store or at hickoryfarms.com. Hickory Farms’ passion for fighting childhood hunger has generated more than $1.1M in contributions to Share Our Strength since 2008. The company is looking to raise and/or donate an additional $700,000 this coming holiday season.

Beyond Share Our Strength, Hickory Farms is a strong supporter of the U.S. Armed Forces serving across the globe. All year long, Hickory Farms offers free shipping on select products to military addresses to ensure that families can send loved ones much needed food gifts and warm wishes.

These items, and more, are shipped free to military addresses:

PARTY PLANNER GIFT BOX, $45

Supports Share Our Strength’s No Kid Hungry ® Campaign

This gift is a flavorful array of our savory Summer Sausage and smooth and creamy cheeses with all the trimmings. With every one sold this year, we will donate $5 to Share Our Strength’s No Kid Hungry ® Campaign. Maximum donation $500,000, offer valid thru 1/31/12.

HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS GIFT BOX, $55

Free shipping to APO/FPO military addresses.

Enjoy the favorite gift sent to loved ones serving overseas, featuring the award winning flavor of Our Signature Beef Summer Sausage and Italian Recipe Summer Sausages. The combination pairs perfectly with our deliciously creamy cheeses, Sweet Hot and Honey Pineapple Mustards and savory crackers.

SUMMER SAUSAGE & CHEESE, $40

Free shipping to APO/FPO military addresses.

As favorite for over half a century, this classic gift features Our Signature Beef Summer Sausage complemented by our new Farmhouse Cheddar, Smoked Gouda and Smoked Cheddar Cheeses.

ORCHARD’S BOUNTY BASKET, $78

The fresh fruit lover will adore the Orchard’s Bounty Basket filled with hand packed-to-order assortment of Fuji Apples, Mandarin Oranges, luscious Red D’Anjou and Crown Comice® Pears. Includes Our Signature Beef Summer Sausage, Farmhouse Cheddar and roasted mix nuts in a keepsake Peterboro® Basket.

WARM AND HEARTY WELCOME, $30

Free shipping to APO/FPO military addresses.

This collection of classics includes both beef and turkey Summer Sausages, as well as Hickory Farms’ new, smooth and creamy Farmhouse Cheddar.

One Lucky Reader will win a gift box from Hickory Farms.
To Enter,

1st Entry: Become a follower of the blog and leave a comment here telling me you did so.

2nd Entry: Become a follower of The Deployment Diatribes and leave a comment here telling me you did so.

3rd Entry: "Like" Been There Done That Mom on Facebook and leave a comment here telling me you did so.

4th Entry: Follow @BTDTmom on Twitter and leave a comment here telling me you did so.

The giveaway will close Sunday night at 11:59 pm.

After Verification, the winner will be contacted via email and will receive the product directly from Hickory Farms.

Breastfeeding and Pregnancy- It must be said...

2011-12-07T21:46:00.001-05:00

In my opinion, I should not have to say this, but I just heard from a friend who is pregnant with her second child, in less than a year, because "breastfeeding did not serve as adequate birth control."

Seriously?

In this day and age, with information so readily available, I don't know why people still don't know that breastfeeding will not prevent ovulation in most women. If ovulation isn't prevented, pregnancy is possible.

If you want to prevent another pregnancy after you've had a baby, you need to use actual birth control methods. If you are breastfeeding, the best option is a barrier method, such as condoms. Any hormonal contraceptive has the chance of changing your milk supply, no matter how much your doctor tries to reassure you that it won't.

If you want to continue to breastfeed your baby, exclusively or not, be very wary of putting any hormones into your body. The potential for your milk to be at least partially dried up is high.

I repeat, condoms are your best bet to prevent an unwanted, untimely, pregnancy after the birth of your child- until you wean your baby.

"But it took me two years to conceive this baby with clomid and IUI. There's no way I'm just going to get pregnant without help this time." Except that you might! Many people find that their fertility is much higher the second time around and "find themselves pregnant" only months after the birth of their first baby.

So, I repeat, if you want to plan your family, spacing your children according to your schedule, use birth control.

Breastfeeding is best for baby, having a sibling born in the same year might not be.

It's Time to Shop

2011-11-28T16:52:00.000-05:00

Let's face it. No matter what holiday you celebrate in your home at this time of year, for the kids, a big part, if not the biggest part, is about the presents.

So, we parents must do our best to fulfill our kids' wishes. We hear all about Black Friday, Cyber Monday, etc. How are we supposed to know if we are getting a good deal? I found a great site for my Canadian followers. At this toy site for kids games online, you can shop and compare deals on toys of all sorts!

The site will tell you the price history of the item and will show you similar items.

I have 4 kids to shop for and 2 holidays to cover, not to mention 2 birthdays... no small feat. It's exhausting to think about, let alone make it all happen. I do almost all of my shopping online. I can't face the stores at this time of year. The only time I shop in the stores for gifts at this time of year is if I already have to make a trip there and I can just add the items to my existing list.

I find everything online and it only takes a little work to find the best price at the time I am shopping. With a little work, I can often find a code for free shipping, or have the item shipped to a store nearby where I can pick it up, free of charge.

I find it helpful to have a game plan, otherwise I end up buying and buying, forgetting what I've already bought for each of the boys. I've even misplaced gifts in years past, there were too many to keep track of, it was ridiculous.

So, this year I am keeping track of it all on my phone... At least that's what I plan to do. I just have to find the time to go through everything and make the list. I'm sure I'll get around to it. In the meantime, it's fun just to shop for the kids, as long as I stick to a budget.

In the end, make sure you are having fun. Do whatever works best for you. If you like to get out of the house and shop in the stores, do it. Go to the mall, go to Target, wherever you feel most comfortable. I'm most comfortable sitting on my stability ball (better for my back) at my computer, so that's where I do my shopping. I'm certainly not going to take 4 antsy boys to a store!

Empty nest

2011-11-17T12:22:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Lemuel Craft

Our last child has recently left for college, and my husband and I could not be happier. In many ways it feels like it did when we were first married. We have several close friends who have recently become empty nesters, and they all have raved about it. Now I know why. Our evenings our back to just being the two of us. We live along a lake, and we have spent the last several nights sitting on the dock and watching the sun set. I love our children dearly, but when they lived at home, they brought an added level of stress that is no longer here. However, with two still in college, we have been watching how we spend our money. We recently switched to fixed-rate energy through www.texaselectricityproviders.com in order to have a more predictable bill, and we have dipped into our short-term savings to pay for tuition. Luckily my husband set up a fund a number of years ago to pay for our children’s college education. I am so thankful for our children, but it is nice to be in a new stage of life with just my husband and me.

Easy Money for Autism Speaks. Please Help!

2011-11-16T22:50:00.000-05:00

Get a simple quote from Allstate between now and December 14 and they'll donate $10 to Autism Speaks!

Allstate “Quotes for Autism Speaks” Aims to Raise $500,000

Initiative to support research for causes, prevention and treatment of autism

NORTHBROOK, Ill., Nov. 15, 2011 – According to autism statistics from the United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, an estimated one in 110 children in the U.S. are diagnosed with autism – a 600 percent increase in the past two decades. To help address this trend and support autism research and advocacy efforts, Allstate Insurance Company (NYSE: ALL) announced the launch of the “Quotes for Autism Speaks” program. As part of the program, Allstate will donate $10 to Autism Speaks for every insurance quote that is completed between November 14 and December 14, 2011, with the goal of raising $500,000 for the cause.

Individuals who receive an insurance quote will help Allstate reach the $500,000 goal and help change the future for those who struggle with autism. Quotes may be obtained online at AutismSpeaks.org/Allstate or by calling 866-998-4488.

“As a father of twin boys with autism, I recognize the magnitude of autism research, advocacy and outreach and the need to support families and individuals impacted by this disorder every day,” said Mark LaNeve, Allstate executive vice president, marketing & sales operations, who also serves on the board of directors for Autism Speaks. “Through Allstate’s support of this cause, we look forward to engaging families and communities to bring a stronger voice to Autism Speaks and support their mission.”

An estimated 1.5 million individuals in the U.S. and tens of millions worldwide are affected by autism. This year, more children will be diagnosed with autism than with childhood cancer, juvenile diabetes and pediatric AIDS combined.

“We are extremely grateful to Allstate for its commitment to raise awareness and funds for the autism community,” said Mark Roithmayr, president of Autism Speaks. “’Quotes for Autism Speaks’ is a wonderful program that has the potential to touch the lives of countless families affected by autism. We encourage everyone to show their support and contact Allstate for their free quote.”

About Allstate

The Allstate Corporation (NYSE: ALL) is the nation’s largest publicly held personal lines insurer known for its “You’re In Good Hands With Allstate^®” slogan. Now celebrating its 80th anniversary as an insurer, Allstate is reinventing protection and retirement to help nearly 16 million households insure what they have today and better prepare for tomorrow. Consumers access Allstate insurance products (auto, home, life and retirement) and services through Allstate agencies, independent agencies, and Allstate exclusive financial representatives in the U.S. and Canada, as well as via www.allstate.com and 1-800 Allstate^®.

About Autism Speaks

Autism Speaks is the world’s largest autism science and advocacy organization. Since its inception in 2005, Autism Speaks has made enormous strides, committing over $160 million to research and developing innovative new resources for families. The organization is dedicated to funding research into the causes, prevention, treatments and a cure for autism; increasing awareness of autism spectrum disorders; and advocating for the needs of individuals with autism and their families. In addition to funding research, Autism Speaks has created resources and programs including the Autism Speaks Autism Treatment Network, Autism Speaks’ Autism Genetic Resource Exchange and several other scientific and clinical programs. Notable awareness initiatives include the establishment of the annual United Nations-sanctioned World Autism Awareness Day on April 2, which Autism Speaks celebrates through its Light it Up Blue initiative. Also, Autism Speaks award-winning “Learn the Signs” campaign with the Ad Council has received over $300 million in donated media. Autism Speaks’ family resources include the Autism Video Glossary, a 100 Day Kit for newly-diagnosed families, a School Community Tool Kit, a Grandparent’s Guide to Autism, and a community grant program. Autism Speaks has played a critical role in securing federal legislation to advance the government’s response to autism, and has successfully advocated for insurance reform to cover behavioral treatments in 29 states thus far, with bills pending in an additional 10 states. Each year Walk Now for Autism Speaks events are held in more than 80 cities across North America. To learn more about Autism Speaks, please visit www.autismspeaks.org.

When things go wrong

2011-11-15T16:19:00.000-05:00

With four children and a deployed husband, I live to avoid Mrs. Murphy's Law.

Everyone knows Murphy's Law: "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong," but it is wives of men who travel or are deployed who best know Mrs. Murphy's Law: "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong when Mr. Murphy is away."

Of course, though, things are bound to go wrong and one of the most challenging examples is something on the car breaks.

The stereotype is for a woman to wait for her man to come home to help fix the problem, but women whose husbands are not available, or who just want to be independent, can learn to fix these problems themselves.

Developing a good relationship with a good auto parts store can make all the difference.

If something on your car breaks, or a light comes on, visit a shop near you and ask for help. People in these stores are usually friendly and are almost always very knowledgeable and eager to help.

Relationships are an important key in many situations. Whether you need help replacing an old windshield wiper or want to know the right oil to replace the oil in your car, the guys in auto parts stores are a plethora of knowledge. I've found them to be incredibly helpful and by going back to the same helpful store each time, I establish a friendly relationship and am more apt to get more help with my task, something for which I am very grateful.

By fixing things around the house and maintaining my car, I show my kids I can do these things and keep the house running smoothly for them even when their Dad is away for long periods. Kids need to feel safe and certain that life will continue as they know it. By being a strong adult, capable of taking care of anything that comes my way, I help my boys feel secure in our home and our life.

Set Expectations

2011-11-13T11:41:00.002-05:00

Running a chaos free household is not hard. It might seem overwhelming, but it is an achievable goal, even if you think it's too late to change your kids. It is NEVER too late.

The first thing you have to do is change yourself.

I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine, who happens to be a family counselor. We were discussing this issue and she pointed out that, for the most part, unless we make a concerted effort to change, our parenting styles come from how we were parented. Our parents are our models.

So, if you remember chaos in your childhood, you probably have it in your life now, too.

Here's how you can change things...

1. Make up your mind to make the changes.

2. Decide what the changes you desire are.
     - Be specific.
              -If you want to yell less., that's a goal.
              -If you want your kids to listen the first time you tell them something, that's a goal.

3. Don't be overwhelmed by the thought of the work it will take. By taking small steps and being certain of your goal, you can make changes.

Let's say you want your kids to listen to what you say and do what you tell them to do, here's how you get there...

1. Call a family meeting.
      State your concerns and your goals and tell your kids how you all are going to make the home a happier place.

     Be honest.

     Tell your kids that you haven't been doing your job of setting rules and following through with them but that those days are over and you are all moving forward.
     Tell them that this isn't a punishment, but that it just hasn't been working well the way it is and you want everyone to be more happy and calm at home and having set ways the house will run is the way to get there.

     State the "new" rules. For instance, no yelling (yourself included), following parents' directions, doing chores, respecting siblings and parents, etc.

   List the consequences for not following the new rules. Consequences should be clearly stated so there is no room for argument.

     I do not recommend stating rewards. The kids should follow the rules because that is how families work. The reward is the smooth and happy family life.


2. Start right away. Easing into the rules will not help. You have to show the kids you say what you mean and mean what you say. This is critical to the success of the plan. If the kids see you wavering, even a little, they will walk all over you and it will be even harder to make changes.

     If your son is antagonizing your daughter, tell him to stop: hitting, kicking, poking, whatever, right now.

     Hopefully he will stop, but if he does not, say, "I've told you to stop, do it now or I will take away your (fill in the blank) for the rest of the day."
     Then do it.
     Don't raise your voice, don't show your agitation, just do it casually. It is the rule, the rule was broken, consequence is not up for argument. If the child continues to commit the infraction or protests, tell him that he needs to stop or the further consequence will be (fill in the blank.)

   Then follow through and stick to it. Do not give the item back until the end of the day no matter how great the child's behavior is as the day goes on. A consequence is set in stone. That is the only way you will make changes.

As I've said time and again, you have to say what you mean and mean what you say. If you back down even once, you shoot yourself in the foot and your kids will slip further into the pattern of undesirable behavior.

Small children who don't follow rules become teenagers who rebel, break rules and slip into dangerous patterns of behavior.

Now is the time to fix these patterns. Even if you have a teenager you can change the patterns. It just takes effort and stick-to-it-iveness on your part.

I cannot be more clear about this issue.

I see families struggling wherever I go. At the grocery store, I see families with young children barely getting through their shopping because kids are yelling and whining and causing a raucous the entire time. The parents look exhausted and beaten down and without hope. The trip could be made so much more pleasent if the parent set expectations from the start and stated the consequences for not meeting the expectations.

What I see, though, is kids whining and throwing a fit to get something, parents trying to fend off the requests but giving in in the end.

Remember, kids will always ask one more time than you can refuse if you are in the habit of giving in. They know you are weak and will prey on the weakness in order to meet their goal.

You have to reset the process.

You need to persist in order to meet YOUR goal. YOU are in charge, as long as you remember that and keep your goal in sight, you will be successful. Your kids will argue but in the end, everyone will be happier because your household will run more smoothly.

I see families with teenagers whose parents have given up trying to get them to conform to the family rules. These kids have been successful at being in charge in their families for so long, it's the norm.

Of all things, remember, as parents, you run the family. You are in charge. Set the rules, set guidelines and stick to them. Say what you mean and mean what you say EVERY TIME and things will get better, probably a lot more quickly than you think. Don't be "bossy." You are the boss, but you'll achieve your goal more easily if you are calm and nonchelant about it.

1. Set your goals.
2. State them to your kids.
3. Implement the changes.

It is as simple as 1-2-3. Really.

Controlling the Clutter

2011-10-20T18:38:00.001-04:00

When I had only one child, keeping the playroom tidy was no problem. Fast forward to today and, often, I can't walk a straight line through our playroom, or man cave, as my sons prefer to call it. I have to meander through the strewn toys, books, remotes, dvds, legos (ouch)... well, you get the picture. That is, until I decide I've enough and take control of the clutter.

Here's how I do it, and you can too...

1- As I have mentioned on this blog before, every few days I call for a 10 minute tidy.

What is a 10 minute tidy? It's how I get my boys to keep the playroom from getting overrun by the mass of clutter. 10 minutes is a manageable amount of time for the boys to clean up without getting overwhelmed. By doing this every couple of days, it truly does control the mess.

2- Location Location Location. Every category of toys has it's place in the playroom. Wii games belong in the cabinet, neatly stacked. Legos belong in large bins and we have smaller plastic drawers for the special Lego items. Books belong on the shelves, obviously. Larger toys and games have places in the closets and in large buckets (purchased at Walmart) that line the walls.

3- Assign responsibility. Each of my four sons has his own area of responsibility. Just like the Navy has numbered fleets that control different theaters of operation, each kid in our family takes control over a region of the playroom. This is very effective because it often prevents mess in the first place. If Dwight sees Zack leaving remotes and Wii games on the floor of his domicile, he will immediately complain and make Zack put them away so that it is not left for him to take care of in the 10 minute tidy.

These three steps can go a long way toward keeping your clutter under control. They have saved my sanity, the boys know what I expect from them and how to make it happen.

The Forever Moments

2011-10-20T08:41:00.001-04:00

I just received a beautiful piece of art from The Forever Moments. The photo was taken when Horatio visited us last month.

My days are filled from 0' dark thirty until way past sundown.

I often forget to capture the fun moments on the camera, but even when I remember to snap a photo, the pictures rarely leave the hard drive on my computer. I know I'm not the only one who has this problem.

Of course I wish I had time to make scrapbooks, I've even been to some of those scrapbook parties where an organized mom teaches us barely put together moms how to put together detailed scrapbooks with our kids' pictures, making the rest of us feel wholly inadequate.

Sometimes I find time to stick a favorite picture of my adorable (yes, I am biased, of course) kids into a frame, but that's about the most ambitious I get. I barely have time to shower some days, so creating works of art is WAY down on the To Do list.

So I am very happy to have found this great site where someone will do it for me!

You can send your favorite images to The Forever Moments and they will do all the work! They have dozens of templates to choose from and you can personalize them all. They personalized the dog tags on my template. (I've edited the boys' names for privacy, the writing actually looks just like the "Daddy" on the other dog tag.) They will use whatever names you request, no matter how silly, and will even change colors for you.

Each template is cut out by hand, not printed out like you see on other sites.

You can order the templates with or without the frame.

Prices range from $9.95 to $19.99 depending on the intricacy of the design, and they donate $1 of each military themed template order to Blue Star Families, which I love!

I received my art over the weekend and the boys and I immediately found prominent wall space on which to hang it. Then, the next time we skyped with Horatio, we took the camera over to the wall so he could see it.

It brought tears to his eyes.

The best part, readers, is that we have one to give away and you can enter several times.
The giveaway will run through November 3rd.

For your 1st Entry: Head over to The Forever Moments website and then come back here and leave a comment telling me which layout is your favorite.

For your 2nd Entry: Head over to facebook and "Like" their page. Leave a comment there saying BeenThereDoneThatMom sent you and come back here to tell me you did so.

For your 3rd Entry: Become a Follower of this blog and comment here to tell me you've done so.

For your 4th Entry: "Like" Been There Done That Mom on facebook and leave a comment here telling me you did so.

For a 5th and Final Entry: Follow @BTDTmom on twitter and leave a comment here telling me you have done so.

I will choose a winner on November 3rd and the winner will be contacted by the great women at The Forever Moments within 2 business days to choose a layout and get the ball rolling!
I received my template as a gift from The Forever Moments but the opinions I've expressed are solely mine.

Get Playing!

2011-09-22T10:17:00.005-04:00

The Worldwide Day of Play is September 24th this year.

What is the Worldwide Day of Play, you ask? It is the one day per year that everyone, everywhere, is encouraged to join together, shut off the television and get outside to play together as a family.

The Day of Play is a great opportunity to get your family going in the right direction toward being active and healthy. It's easy to get stuck in the routine of watching tv every day before and after homework and dinner, but, in my experience, once we get the kids outside and playing, they want to do it day after day. Playing comes naturally to kids and when parents join in, it is even better.

We try to get outside in the evenings whenever the weather is clear. We are lucky to live in something similar to a cul-de-sac so the kids can play without fear of traffic and they can play with the 10 other cul-de-sac kids.

We get games of four square going that last for two hours or more. I just love watching the kids play games I enjoyed when I was a child. We keep endless supplies of sidewalk chalk on hand so the kids can draw hopscotch paths and other artwork. They once did a hopscotch path with 100 squares! They had fun AND taught the preschool aged siblings more numbers.

When the sun goes down, the flashlights come out for rounds of flashlight tag. With sunset times getting earlier and earlier these days, the flashlight games can begin sooner and the kids run themselves ragged before having to go inside and shower or bathe before getting straight to bed. By getting active, they burn their pent up energy from long days of school and homework and are able to get to sleep more easily. It's win-win!

When I was a newer parent, I did not want my kids to get dirty when they played. Getting dirty meant more laundry and more time spent in the bath. I then realized that the dirtier they were, the more fun they'd had, and laundry is going to pile up no matter what. It's nothing a bar of soap and some Clorox bleach can't easily fix.

With four boys, I was destined to have a constant stream of kids in and out the front door. Getting outside to play is the best thing we can do to keep our kids healthy and active and ready to learn at school the next day.

I signed the Pledge to Play Outside at http://clorox2play2day.com and I encourage you to do the same.

Let's Play!

I wrote this blog post while participating in the SocialMoms and Clorox2® blogging program, for a gift card worth $40. For more information on how you can participate, click here.

Read Together

2011-09-21T17:09:00.000-04:00

It's tempting to give up reading to your kid as soon as he can read independently. Every minute a parent gets back to herself counts, but did you know that by continuing to read to your child you can greatly increase his vocabulary, reading aptitude, and therefor, increase his test scores later in life?

Even when your child is reading "chapter books" you should sit down with him and read a book to him.

I can hear you saying, "what the heck am I supposed to do? I have three kids. I can't read to each one of them. I'll never get time to myself." What you can do is select a book that is slightly above your younger child's level, but not too 'over his head'. You will be surprised how much he will pick up from your reading and your oldest won't get bored, even if he says he will.

In our family, we especially like the Great Illustrated Classics and Classic Starts books. The stories are timeless and reading them can help our kids on many levels. They hear words they can add to their vocabularies, they learn stories that they will hear referenced again and again throughout their school years, and they learn lessons from the stories themselves.

At our house, we are currently reading the Harry Potter Books. The stories keep the boys' attentions and we are spending time together each night. All four boys look forward to the next chapter. Of course we don't read together every night, and sometimes one of the boys has too much homework to listen or one is too tired, but we keep it up because it's great on so many levels and I encourage you to do the same. You won't be sorry.

IEPs and 504 Plans- Be Ready

2011-09-11T18:00:00.002-04:00

504 Plans and Individualized Education Plans (IEPs) are the source of angst for many parents of school aged children. I’m here to tell you that these plans work for kids, and they are worth the hard work required by parents and educators to get them right.

I'm not going to beat around the bush, though, you have to work the system to get them and work even harder to get the plan to work for your child. I’m definitely not here to bash the system, I want to arm you with the tools to get through the process and come out on top.

One of my sons has Asperger’s Syndrome, dyslexia and dysgraphia, and I suspect that one of my other sons has dyslexia as well. I’ve been attending IEP and 504 Plan meetings for eight years, so in this case, I really am a been there- done that mom.

The most important thing that I’ve learned, and it’s been a hard lesson to learn, is do not let yourself be intimidated at the meetings. It is easy to let yourself get overwhelmed by the sheer number of administrators, educators, counselors and specialists sitting at the table. It has happened to me on more than one occasion and is very frustrating to walk out of the school building and suddenly realize that I did not succeed in getting my child what he needs.

Here’s how to make sure each meeting is successful:

Know what you want. Before you go to the meeting, decide what your objective is. Do you want a 504 Plan for your child or an Individualized Education Plan for him? 504 Plans are simply educational and environmental accommodations for your child. Teachers and administrators are obligated to follow the plan in every way possible to help your child be as successful in school as his or her peers. An IEP is a list of goals and a timeline stating how and by when the goals will be reached. Good information can be found online at sites like this: 504 Plan vs. IEP and this: IEP Goals.

Lay the Groundwork. Start by contacting the teacher directly. Sending an email is effective because it gives you a record of all contact. Once you have made your inquiry, the teacher is obligated to follow up and get you the information you need and set up a meeting, if warranted.

Be Prepared. Now that you know what type of plan you want for your child and have a meeting set up, revisit the key websites and write a list of accommodations or goals for your child. Be specific so that you can make yourself clear in the midst of all the voices at the meeting, which can be an emotional setting.

Anytime a parent is working hard to help her child, emotions can take over, and levelheadedness is crucial to success at these meetings. Showing emotion is perfectly fine, of course, but you have a clear mission and need to keep a clear head so that the desired end result is always in sight.

Stay on Track. Once you are in the meeting, keep your eye on the prize. Unfortunately, oftentimes, the teachers, counselors and administrators see your goal of getting an IEP or 504 plan as just one more thing to do in their already busy week. An IEP or 504 Plan creates more work for many people at the school. If your child is getting by, they might try to talk you out of your plan. DO NOT LET THEM DO THIS. You spent a lot of time and energy getting your plan together. You know what is best for your child’s education. Stay the course, but do so nicely. Keep a smile on your face and kindly refute their efforts to dismiss your concerns. Getting your child a Franklin Speller is not the answer to helping him learn to deal with his dyslexia. (This was actually suggested to me at a recent meeting!) If you know that your child needs real help to get an equal education, then be assertive. Remember, you catch more bees with honey, so smile when you assert yourself, but show them you mean what you say and that you have no intention of backing down from your goal.

If you follow these steps, you will get your child what he or she needs. It might seem like an insurmountable objective, but the system is set up to work for you, you just have to learn how to work your way through it.

It is definitely a learning process, but hopefully the course will be easier now that you are ready for action.

Good Luck.

"The Worst Day Ever"

2011-08-23T19:55:00.001-04:00

Today was not a great day, but in the grand scheme of things, it wasn't that bad.

I left the boys in the house for a short outing to get the oil changed in my car. When I stopped at the store to buy apples on my way home, I got a call on my cell phone. It was my neighbor, whom I don't know very well. He said, "Your kids are yelling out the window. They say they are locked in a bedroom." This was more than a little embarrassing, so I very quickly explained to him that I had turned the door knob of that bedroom door around so that when I give my 3 year old a time out, he can't get out. I thanked him and quickly called another neighbor and close friend and asked her to dash over to the house and free the boys, which she did.

When I returned home, shortly thereafter, I asked the boys how they knew my cell phone number to give it to the neighbor. They explained that 7 year old Bob knew it. Dwight said that Bob doesn't know how to go through caller i.d. or the phone's saved numbers, so he'd memorized it. It's a good thing he did because otherwise they might have been left in there until I got home. Dwight was in a bit of a panic. He admitted that he had freaked out while they were locked in the room. He even did some damage to the door, trying to break it down.

As I suspected, 3 year old Harold had turned the lock and then one of the other boys had closed the door, not knowing it was locked. Since Harold is now sleeping in the main bedroom with the other boys, we've turned his old room into the "man cave" and all of their Lego creations are on display in that room. The boys spend quite a bit of time in there.

I have now taped up the locks on ALL of the doors in our house.

I was definitely thankful that nothing dramatic happened while they were in there. A few hours later, I was even more grateful for the timing since at 1:51 p.m. we experienced a 5.9 magnitude earthquake!

I heard and felt the rumbling and quickly realized what was happening. All four boys came running up the stairs asking what was happening, was it an earthquake? I confirmed that it was and calmly but quickly shuffled them out the door.

They were all shaken up (pun intended) especially Bob and Dwight. Dwight wanted to know what in the world was going on today. Was the world going to end?

We spent a good amount of time talking about what an earthquake is and why we don't need to worry now and then they went back downstairs to play. Bob and Dwight came upstairs to check in, periodically, asking questions to get reassurance that all was well.

Dwight accompanied me when I went down the street to pick up dinner. Bob called my cell phone to tell me he had a bad taste in his mouth and he couldn't get rid of it. He said he'd had it since the earthquake. I asked him what it tasted like and he said, simply, "nervousness."

Dwight knew that I'd bought Bob's Halloween costume a few weeks ago, when he'd told me how much he wanted to be Voldemort, from Harry Potter. He is currently reading book #4 and is a big fan of the series. Dwight suggested that we give Bob the costume early, as a show of appreciation for remaining calm and saving the day when they were locked in the room.

It was such a sweet thought, coming from an older brother, so I went ahead and let Dwight open the package and give the costume to his little brother. Bob was beyond thrilled and played in the costume until bedtime. Before going to bed, Bob gave me a hug and said, "Mom, you really turned my day around. I thought it was the worst day ever, but now it turned out ok. Thanks."

The "talk" for a seven year old

2011-08-17T15:35:00.000-04:00

Seven year old, Bob, has asked where babies come from several times over the past few weeks. He has asked at odd times, like at the dinner table or in the car with all of his brothers around, so I have avoided answering him by saying we could talk about it later, when it is just the two of us.

Two nights ago, though, he asked again while I was helping him to get ready for bed and I could no longer put off the inevitable. My mind raced for the right answer.

Each child is unique and each is ready for a different level of information and detail and different times. Bob is bright and knows a lot, but his "awareness" of human relations is not high.

So, here's what I said. "There's a special kind of seed in a mommy and a special kind of seed in a daddy. When the mommy and daddy want to make a baby, they give each other a special kind of hug and the seeds go together in the mommy and grow into a baby."

He gave a satisfying, "Oh. Thanks, Mom," smiled and dashed out the door to brush his teeth. No further questions!

Phew.

I recently purchased two books about puberty and S-E-X for my preteen and teenaged boys. I pre-read the books and found that the one that is all about puberty: American Medical Association Boy's Guide to Becoming a Teen is age appropriate for 10 year old Dwight, but It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health (The Family Library) is too advanced, in other words, TMI, for Dwight, but will be a good resource for 13 year old Zack.

This is a tricky topic for many parents but it cannot be ignored. Ignorance leads to no good. So I hope my experience will help other parents.

What's a Cleava? Here's What... Plus a GIVEAWAY!!!

2011-08-11T20:31:00.001-04:00

One of my favorite podcasts is Lian Dolan's The Chaos Chronicles. Lian is funny and witty and always has interesting things to say. In March she mentioned something called the Cleava, you can listen here. Lian had received a press release about the product and thought the concept was funny. The idea intrigued me. I often find myself in situations when I'd like to be a bit more covered than the cut of my clothing allows, so I contacted the company to ask some questions and they sent me a sample to review here.

What a great creation this is! You may think to yourself, "how hard is it to put on a camisole? Why would I want a Cleava?" Well, sometimes a cami just won't fit under your clothes, and sometimes it is hot outside and another layer of clothes, no matter how thin, makes you even more sweaty than you would have been without it.

Coincidentally, I recently bought a dress for a special occasion and it shows a bit more skin than is appropriate for the event. So, this morning I unwrapped my brand new Cleava and tried it on with the dress. As the website shows, the Cleava is very easy to put on. The material is high quality and the workmanship is very good. It takes seconds to put on and I could even put it on after I was already wearing the dress. Here are before and after pictures: (taken by my 10 year old)

I am very happy with the results. I know I will get a lot of use from my Cleava.

Get one for yourself!

The best news is that I have one to give away! You can enter by becoming a follower of the blog and leaving a comment on this post. You can also head over to the Been There Done That Mom page on facebook and "Like" it for a second entry (leave a second comment here telling me you did so), and follow @BTDTmom on twitter for a third entry (leave a third comment here telling me you did so). Be sure to leave your email address here so that I can contact you if you win. The contest will be open through Friday, August 19.

Cleava comes in dozens of materials and designs, I am sure I will want to get others. Sure, tank tops and camis have their place, but the Cleava will definitely come in handy.

Ready or Not

2011-07-28T19:04:00.001-04:00

You are Better Off When Ready
I know that many, if not most moms, are eager for school to start in the next month or so. I actually prefer it when the kids are home. I’d rather not have to: make lunches, rush out the door, hurry through the daily tasks, monitor homework, fit in dinner, and rush them to bed, only to start again the next day.

Probably since my oldest was in first grade I’ve said that if I could, I’d keep them home with me, rather than send them to school. No, I really don’t want to homeschool, I’d just rather not have to deal with the ups and downs of the school days. That said, ready or not, school will be back in session soon; very soon for many kids around the country. My kids don’t start until after Labor Day, though, so I’ll enjoy the dog days for a another month
.
I know opening day is out there. I’ve seen the displays at Target, gotten ads from Office Depot, signs everywhere remind me of the countdown to the opening bell. So, I decided to venture out do the supply shopping. I used to look forward to buying the school supplies. All the freshly sharpened pencils, crisp notebooks and the wonderful aroma of crayons beckoned. Now, though, it’s hard to find pre-sharpened pencils. Therefore, I am the one who has to sharpen them; this thought severely dampens the experience, especially since I have three school aged children, all of whom have about 50 pencils on their supply lists.
Having three school aged kids to buy for makes it a daunting task.

As I stood in the aisle at Target, I found it hard to even get started. I looked at the first item on the list for the first grader- 2 boxes 24 ct. Crayola crayons. Crayons are seventh on the list for the fourth grader and not on the seventh grader’s list at all. Do I go through the first grade list, then the fourth grade list, then the seventh grade list? Or do I try to get crayons for both at the same time so I don’t have to back track?

I didn’t even get a single item in my cart before I gave up. Having my 2-year-old in tow probably did not help my state of mind. I decided to do the shopping from the comfort of my home, online. Sometimes spending a little more (and it really is very little and the box of supplies comes right to my door) in order to preserve sanity, is worth it.

Getting ready for nine months of packing lunches and snacks is something I do not even want to think about right now, but thinking about it can help me prepare so it’s not such a daunting task. The main thing I do to make it all easier is to have easily packable items on hand at all times and have back up items to throw in when we run out of time in the morning. Bags of chips, Uncrustables, bunches of grapes, small applesauces, yogurts, string cheese, etc. all are easy to pack foods.

Bulk bags of healthy snack foods are perfect for helping make the daily snack easier. (I, personally, don’t remember ever having school sanctioned snack time after kindergarten, but that’s just me.) I like to keep bulk bags of almonds and dried fruit on hand. I can just scoop a small plastic container into the bag, pop on the lid and voila- snack is ready for the backpack.

The key to back to school, as any other time in our busy parenting lives, is to make things as easy as possible on ourselves. Why fret over the small details when, very often, there is a simpler way to go about the task?
The start of the school year is a great chance to start with a clean slate. Set up a system to make your life easier.

Set a specific place for the kids’ backpacks so that when the kids come home from school, the backpacks, coats, etc. don’t end up all over the house. You can hang hooks just below the kitchen counter or just inside the door so that the backpacks hang nicely. Get a coat rack or hang hooks for the kids’ jackets so that they don’t end up dropped at the entryway. (I also do this with the towels and swimming suits after a day at the pool.) The key is to keep the mess manageable. Your house may not look Architectural Digest photo shoot ready, but you’ll feel calmer… at least I do.

Get the children used to a schedule again. In our house, during the school year, the boys have to read a novel or nonfiction Sunday night through Thursday night. On the weekends, they can read whatever they choose. In the summer, they have free choice on Wednesday nights as well. As it gets closer to the start of school, we go back to the school year reading schedule. Also, the boys do a bit of “school” work each day. I print a work sheet off of the internet from a site like math-drills.com. The boys have to do a worksheet before they get their daily screen time.

All this “order” might make me sound like a drill sergeant and give you the impression that my house runs with military precision (I am a Navy wife, after all). However, just like any other household, we roll with the punches. Hiccups happen every day, in one form or another. But, with all of these systems in place, at least the potholes in our path cause only small bumps in the road and not flat tires that take us off the road completely.

10 tips and tricks to get your kids to eat more vegetables

2011-07-27T21:40:00.000-04:00

As I've said many times before on this blog, mealtime can be one of the most stressful times of the day for families with small, and even not so small, children. Setting strict rules and limits can be the trick to getting family dinner to run more smoothly. When it comes to getting your children to eat more vegetables, there are many tricks you, as a parent or grandparent, can employ.

1- Take you children shopping with you at the grocery store with the best looking produce in the area. Better yet, take them to a farmer's market. Let them touch, smell and express their innate curiosity. Doing so will most certainly lead to them asking you to buy new vegetables.

2- Give in to their requests to buy even the oddest choices of vegetables. Maybe they think they don't like cauliflower, but when they see a purple cauliflower they might be tempted and the purple variety is packed with antioxidants, so chop it up and serve it with dip, or steam it and serve it with soy sauce. Do whatever it takes. The point is, they might expect you to say "no" to their requests for unusual items, but when you "give in" and make the purchases, they will be more likely to taste and enjoy the healthy foods.

3- Serve cut up veggies with dip. The old stand-by, ranch, is usually a hit, but try hummus, or cream cheese or even ketchup. My boys will devour an entire 2 pound bag of baby carrots if they can sit at the table and dip the carrots in ranch dip or ketchup. It sounds crazy, but it's true.

4- Dress them up- the veggies, that is. This will only work with the younger set, but do not underestimate the power of a smiley face to lure kids into trying new things. Use the vegetables to make artwork on a pita or tortilla. Make a smiley faces with olives, cucumbers, peppers, tomatoes and lettuce, like this:

A kid can't help but be tempted to taste the different parts of the face.

5- Hide the veggies. Wrap a cucumber in a slice of vegetarian bologna (the veggie bologna will add vegetable protein and they won't even notice). Slice a tomato into thin slices and roll one with a slice of cheese. Put thin pepper slices onto a tortilla, spread on some shredded cheese, roll it up... delicious!

6- Bake zucchini bread. This is a great recipe, and you can call it cake bread or breakfast bread or blueberry bread and the kids will be none the wiser!

7- Bake brownies. Try a recipe like this from Jessica Seinfeld's book Deceptively Delicious, and the kids will have no idea the vegetables are hidden inside a sweet dessert.

8- Make a lasagna and put a package of drained, frozen chopped spinach into it. If you mix the spinach into the sauce, the kids won't even see the dreaded GREEN specks and will eat it up, getting their daily fill of folic acid, which is great for moms too!

9- Puree a vegetable like peas and add them to your ground beef mixture with spices to make a delicious, nutrient filled, hamburger. You can even count the pickle relish as cucumbers in the end of the day vegetable tally, if you want.

10- My favorite recent discovery is kale. My boys- all four of them- love roasted kale! We call them kale chips. I pull the leafy parts from the ribs/stalks and lay them out on a baking sheet. The kale does not have to be in a single layer because the leaves shrink as they bake. I spray the leaves with olive oil, shake on some salt or garlic salt, bake for 10-15 minutes at 375 and it's done! It really is delicious. You can use this same "recipe" with broccoli, cauliflower and several other vegetables. Use your imagination.

The point is, there are many ways to get our kids to eat more vegetables and other healthy foods. These ten tips and tricks can help, but we can start by eating vegetables ourselves- without making scrunched up faces! You can't expect your kids to be excited about dipping a carrot stick into ketchup when you are dipping your french fries into it. Set an example and eventually the kids will follow your lead. In the meantime, the tricks will get them started on the path toward a healthy lifestyle.

“I wrote this blog post while participating in the SocialMoms and Peas and Thank You blogging program for a gift card worth $30. For more information on how you can participate, click here.”

2011-07-20T20:53:00.001-04:00

Surviving the School Year With Ease

2011-07-20T16:08:00.002-04:00

Summer is in full swing, but depending on where you live, school will be starting in as soon as a few weeks. The signs are everywhere, I've been to Target twice this week and have avoided the Back to School section for sanity's sake. I'd rather stay in the summer mindset for as long as possible.

However, Back to School time is out there. It is approaching more quickly than my boys like to think. Every year, before school starts, I like to get a game plan in mind. I want to be as organized as possible and get off to the right start so that we can survive the daily grind with poise. Or, at least appear that way.

First, I designate a place for the four boys to put their backpacks when they get home from school each day. Before they even wash their hands (a must when they get home) they are to empty the backpacks of anything needed for homework and anything that I need to see/sign/return. Backpacks should be organized and cleaned out at least once per month in order to avoid being overwhelmed by clutter. Encourage kids with lockers to keep anything they don't need at home, at school secured in their locker. There are some very cool locks out there, like this one from Master Lock.

And watch this fun video:
And find out more at their facebook page: www.facebook.com/masterlock

My kids have a set time for homework. It isn't the same time for each of them but each boy knows his time and we stick to it. I find it works best to have a little down time after school for a snack and brain refreshment and then have them get to the homework sooner than later, so that the time does not get away from us. Usually 30 minutes to an hour of downtime is good.

Finally, a set time to get ready for bed and a set time for lights out is crucial to having a successful school year. There are charts, like this Sleep chart, that tell you the approximate amount of sleep that each age group requires. These are a good place to start to gauge what time your children should turn out their lights and you can work back from there. My seven year old and three year old start getting ready for bed at 7:15. The seven year old can read from the time he gets in bed until 8:00, when he shuts off his light. My three year old shuts of his light when I leave the room after our book, song and prayers. My 10 year old starts getting ready for bed at 8:45 and his lights out is 9:30. 13 year old, Zack, goes upstairs at 9:20 and his lights out is 10:00.

A good night's sleep makes everything else in the home run more smoothly.

These seemingly simple steps really will help make your family life easier during this school year.

Roadtrip with Kids

2011-07-01T12:56:00.000-04:00

I took the boys on a road trip and, in the interest of saving gas money and being a bit more green, we took our smaller vehicle, a hybrid. In doing so, I realize that most of what I packed last year for this adventure was completely unnecessary.

I packed each of the boys' clothes in his school backpack. Since we were traveling to my parents' house, I knew we could do laundry. I packed each boy 3 pairs of shorts, 5 shirts, one pair of pjs and 5 sets of underwear. Of course, I packed more clothing for myself, but that is the privilege of being the mom and the packer!

The trip was about 14 hours of driving, before you figure in the stops. Yes, it's a long drive, but we do it in one day and it's what I'd recommend to any other family traveling like this, unless, of course, the driver gets tired. Then, by all means, stop at a hotel for a night's rest. For me, though, a bit of 5 Hour Energy gets me through the last bit and I'd much rather have one long day, than 2 long days plus a restless night in a hotel with 4 boys.

Of course I miss Horatio and would prefer to have him with us all summer, but I have to admit that being able to do it all on my own schedule, listen to my own audio book choices, have my own snacks, etc., isn't so bad.

Recommendations I have for others embarking on such a trip are as follows:

Pack light

If you have a DVD player, take a variety of DVD choices, making sure each child has 2 he likes.

Check the condition of the headphones before departure.

Keep extra batteries in the glove box.

Use dramamine for any child who has ever shown a hint of motion sickness.

Keep a supply of sickness bags.

Pack snacks: Boxes containing small bags of pretzels, crackers and cookies work best. The children can make a choice, eat their snack, and dispose of the trash.

Give each child a bag for trash so that the garbage does not accumilate.

If you make a stop for gasoline or potty breaks, make every passenger use the facilities, no matter what, so you don't end up stopping again 15 minutes later.

Don't sweat the small stuff. You'll get there when you get there. Enjoy the scenery!

Be safe.

10 Time-Saving Tips to Make Your Life As A Busy Mom Easier

2011-06-22T23:45:00.003-04:00

Let's face it. As I've said many times before, right here in this blog, parenting is hard. One of my goals, as the Been There Done That Mom, is to help my fellow moms' lives easier. Over the past 13 years of my parenting life, I've had game plans, adjusted them, re-adjusted them and polished them. Now, in particular, I have to be organized. I am temporarily a single mom because my husband is deployed for at least 18 months. He's been gone for 6 months already, so I'm getting pretty good at staying organized. (I hope my friends and family who read this don't laugh out loud. I'm trying.) It's an ongoing process, but in many areas, I've got it down... For now, anyway.

So, here is a list of 10 ways you can make your life easier.

1. Keep a Calendar and Actually Use it.
Sure, it seems obvious. What family doesn't have a calendar hanging on a wall somewhere in the house? The problem arises when appointments, meetings, field trips, strings concerts, etc., don't make it from the email messages and newsletters to the calendar. I find that as soon as a new date pops up in my email or in a phone call, I have to walk immediately to the calendar and write it down or it floats out of my brain, never to be found again. Even better than having just the paper calendar or white board, is one of the online calendars. Google has one, Mac has one, there are several out there and if you put an appointment on a specific date, then anyone who has access to the calendar can see it. This is very handy for busy families.

2. Plan Meals
One of my least favorite things to do is plan what is for dinner. It's definitely one of my weak areas. Once I know what we are having, though, I can go into auto mode and cook the meal and put it out without incident. So, I find that if we sit down and decide what we will have for dinner each night of the week, on Sunday, for instance, I don't have to think as much and the evening goes much more smoothly. Sometimes I let one child or another plan the meals for a week. Or, I give each child a day of the week to select the menu. Giving the kids input helps them have some ownership of the plan and makes for less whining at dinner, and less need for wine at dinner for me! A second point in this step to making your life easier is, when making your shopping list, you should try to write the list in the order the items appear in the aisles of your store. I, personally, prefer to do my shopping at Target, if possible. The prices are good, I can get my groceries AND my every day items, AND I can stop at Starbucks on my way out of the store. It's the trifecta of shopping trips.

3. Set Homework Time
If left to their own devices, I think most kids would wait until just before bedtime to do their homework. This is not a good plan. I also think that making kids do their homework as soon as they get home leaves a lot to be desired. Kids need some down time, just like we do. At our house, we set an alarm to go off at the same time each day. When the alarm goes off, about 45 minutes after the boys get home from school, they know it is homework time. No arguing. 45 minutes gives them time to wash up (very important after a day at school), get a snack, run around or watch TV or whatever helps them relax and refresh. By the time the alarm goes off, they should be ready to get to work.

4. Set Expectations
This idea is less concrete than the others on the list so far. But, it is probably the most important for helping to make your home life easier. If kids don't know what you expect of them, you can expect them to fail to live up to your expectations. Be clear. Explain what you expect of them when you say, "clean your room." Or if you say, "clear the table," but you really want the dishes, napkins, serving dishes, condiments- EVERYTHING, off the table, then make it clear that that is what you expect. Setting the expectations ahead of time will save you a lot of time either doing the task yourself or explaining what you meant in the heat of the moment.

5. Let the Kids Sort the Laundry
In our house, with 4 boys, I realized early on that having separate hampers for the different laundry loads would save enough time to make it worthwhile. I bought a sorter with three separate sections. The boys, including 3 year old Harold, know to put darks on the right, lights in middle and whites on the left. All I have to do on laundry day (pretty much every day is laundry day around here) is take the clothes from one section, drop it into a basket, carry it to the laundry room and wash.

6. Keep Socks Separate
I have to give credit where credit is due. My husband, Horatio, came up with this idea when he saw me struggling to sort through about 100 white socks. Each son has a different brand of socks, which is a start in helping to make the pairing up process easier. Horatio came up with an ingenious way to make it even more simple, though. I bought 4 lingerie bags and labeled each with our boys' names. When the boys go to put their laundry in the proper section, they also put their socks in their own bag. Then, when the socks are clean and dry, I can quickly pair them up and put them away. I've even gone further with the older two boys, ages 13 and 10 1/2. I take the bags and dump the socks into their underwear drawers and let them do the pairing up each day. Let's face it, a white sock is a white sock and since each kid has his own brand, they all match.

7. 10 Minute Tidy
I have to admit that I stole this idea from a children's show on PBS. The clown character used to have a 10 minute tidy in each show. I applied this idea to my kids. If I tell the boys to "clean up the playroom," they get overwhelmed and annoyed and the whining begins almost immediately. If I set a timer, turn off the tv, turn on music and proclaim that it is time for a 10 minute tidy, the whining is minimized and you'd be surprised how much can get put away in 10 minutes. I should get back to the Set Expectations point, though. Explain that tidying up means putting toys/video games/books/etc. in their proper places. Sticking everything under the sofa or in a drawer is not really cleaning up. Doing this will just make the job harder next time.

8. Make Good Use of a Coat Rack
I'm pretty sure some readers might have read that line and said, "huh?" So, I'll explain what I mean. Last summer I was overwhelmed by our family's pool outings. We have a membership to our neighborhood pool and the boys like to go every day. But, when the boys started asking to go to the pool, all I could think of was the 4 wet suits, the 4 wet towels, the goggles, the swim shoes, the snacks, the MESS! After a lot of thinking, I came up with the idea of a coat rack. I went online and searched for a relatively sturdy one. I wanted one I could use in the summer for swimming gear and in the winter for coats and hats. Now, when we get home from the pool, the boys hang their suits and towels on the coat rack in the entry way. Sure, it's not the most attractive thing to have near the front door, but people who come to our house know we actually live there. It's not a show house, after all. At least this keeps the stuff from sitting in a pile collecting mildew! The rest of the gear goes into a cute pool bag that I ordered from Lands End, and the bag stays in my car. Now, when it's time to go to the pool we just grab our stuff and go. We know where it is, the suits and towels are dry and the goggles haven't gotten lost somewhere!

9. Labels
No, I'm not talking about deciding which of your children is the smart one or the silly one or the trouble maker. That would be wrong... right? A few weeks ago, I was finally fed up with finding more drink ware than we have family members on the kitchen counter and table. The boys would take a cup, drink from it, and then leave it on the counter or table. Then when they were thirsty again, they'd forget which one was theirs and just take another one. By the end of each day, there were at least 6 or 7 kids' cups in various positions around the kitchen. So, I took out a sharpie and labeled cups with the boys' names on them. Now, not only do they know which cup was theirs, if someone leaves one out at the end of the day, I know which kid to "remind" to put it away. There's no room for error OR denial!

10. Don't Put it Down, Put it Away
I'm as guilty as the next mom when it comes to clutter. It makes me crazy, though. I turned over a new leaf this year- at least I'm making an effort at doing so. My new philosophy is, "don't put it down, put it away." This way of thinking and doing helps everyone in the family. I try to remember to put things away the first time, so I don't have to do it later. It basically saves half the time. If you are carrying something in your hand, take the extra minute to put it in its proper place and you won't have to move it later. If I carry one of my 3 year old's toys in from the car and set it on a chair in the living room, on my way to the kitchen, I'll eventually have to go back and pick up the toy and put it somewhere it belongs, which will take at least a minute. If I put it in its place the first time, it will probably take an extra 20 seconds than just setting it down on my way through the house. Doing it the right way every time would really add up to a lot of time saved.

11. Bonus! Hire a Professional Cleaner
Yes, it will cost some money, but it will save you SO much time it is probably worth it. Let's face it, cleaning your house is time consuming and with our busy lives, we probably don't do a great job at a thorough cleaning. I find that hiring someone great to clean my house not only saves time, but it keeps my house cleaner and neater. Every two weeks, a fabulous woman comes to my house and cleans it from top to bottom. I have to tidy up before she comes, so it keeps me motivated to keep the house less cluttered in the first place. Of course I have to spot clean in between. I have to clean the toilets practically every day- I do have 4 boys, after all. But the house is spotless once every two weeks, even if it's just for a few hours before the kids track in the leaves or spill pretzels or drop their school papers in a trail from the door to the kitchen. I cherish those few hours and you probably will too.

“I wrote this blog post while participating in the SocialMoms and Starbucks blogging program, for a gift card worth $30. For more information on how you can participate, click here.”

Why I Love Verizon Fios

2011-05-26T14:53:00.000-04:00

As a Mom of four children, I can say for sure that all kids are different. Personalities can be molded, slightly, buy nurturing and environment, but when it comes down to it, really, personality is biological. Plus, there are some things that are the same for all kids.

As a military spouse, I have had to do a lot of parenting solo. My husband works long hours. He often leaves before dawn and returns after the kids have gone to bed. He has also been deployed for 2 years over the course of our boys' childhoods. We have moved 10 times and have never lived close to family, so, as I've said in my blog many times, I often have to use television as a babysitter.

Over the years, the kids' tv viewing has evolved. For Zack, age 12, I recorded Teletubbies on an 8 hour videotape so that I would not have to rewind again and again. When Dwight came along, I had the tapes that I'd made for Zack and dvds had become commonplace, so no more rewinding.

When Bob was small, we purchased a dvd player with a built in dvr. I thought I'd gone to heaven. What a great convenience, I though. We could record his shows, and ours, and watch them when we wanted to watch.

When we moved to Northern Virginia in 2009, our realtor said, "You have to get Verizon Fios. It's amazing." I have to admit that I wondered what the big deal was, but I made the call and had it installed. I liked the idea of having phone, internet and tv all under the same service.

Little did I know about how fabulous the service is. I'm glad I didn't know what I was missing before we moved here. What I love about Fios, and can't imagine living without now, is the multi room dvr.

I love the fact that I can record my three year old's programs and he can watch them on any tv in the house. I recorded an hour long episode of his favorite show 15 months ago and it's still there, on the dvr. He can watch it in the kitchen while he eats breakfast and I clean up from his brothers' breakfast, or he can watch it in the master bedroom while I take a shower. I love it and he loves it.

I also love the fact that, since, as a busy mom of four with a deployed husband, I usually miss my favorite shows when they are on in the evenings, I can can watch them in the basement while I run on the treadmill the next day- or 3 weeks later- whatever the case may be.

Fios also has great customer service. With their in home agent and the ability to chat live via the internet, if a problem arises, their friendly customer service agents always help me solve the problem quickly, so I don't lose the features I love.

I really hope the Navy doesn't move us again, or at least not to an area not served by Fios. I'd really miss it.

“I wrote this blog post while participating in the SocialMoms and Verizon FiOS blogging program for a gift card. For more information on how you can participate, click here.”

Please help

2011-05-25T16:09:00.000-04:00

Please support my other blog, about my husband's deployment.
It is just a simple click of a thumbs up for deploymentdiatribes at:

http://tinyurl.com/6ys62o3,

I'd be VERY grateful. Thank you.

Mother's Day- slightly different

2011-05-08T11:39:00.001-04:00

So, as a married single mom, for 5 months, with at least 14 to go, I didn't expect much on mother's day this year. My darling, devoted, husband is busy and the email I received two days before Mother's Day asking if there's anything I want for the day, was more than I had hoped for.

I have been pleasantly surprised, though. When I offered to reschedule a canceled play-date for Dwight for Sunday, he said, "that's mother's day, mom, how about Monday?" I knew that Dwight and Bob have been working on gifts in art class at school, and they eagerly presented the results to me AFTER letting me sleep in. Dwight has repeatedly asked what I want to do for mother's day.

Harold has joined the crowd and enthusiastically wished me a happy day again and again.

Even Zack has asked what he can do for me. This, after watching his brothers present me with their hand made gifts and saying, "Your gift is ME." He has a point. After all, he's my first. He made me a mom 12 1/2 years ago.

So, while I still had to make breakfast, empty the dishwasher, do 4 loads of laundry, etc., it is shaping up as an enjoyable, happy mother's day.

Sleeping in- you CAN do it

2011-04-11T15:44:00.000-04:00

I'm tired.

It's basically a permanent state of being for me and probably for many of you, if you have young children. Probably if you have older children as well, but for different reasons. I'm not looking forward to losing sleep over worrying late at night about my boys' whereabouts. For now, though, my sleep deprivation is due to my young early risers.

I remember having a conversation about kids' sleep with some mom friends a few years ago. At the time, I was expecting my fourth child and someone asked me which of my boys was my good sleeper. My reply was, "I'm hoping this one will be. So far, I don't have one."

I was not exaggerating. The boys take after their father who is an early riser- he leaves for work at 4:30 a.m. without complaint. I am most definitely not an early riser and I like my sleep; I really like it. So, from the time the boys could identify numbers, I began to teach them the rules of the house.

I know some families who have a rule that their kids can't get out of bed before 7:00, but that is unrealistic in my house, so I chose 6:00. As soon as children can recognize a number, you can teach them that until they see that number on the clock, they cannot get out of bed, or at least cannot get out of their room.

I found it helpful to cover the minutes of the digital clock so that there could be no confusion as to which number to identify. A simple post-it note is enough to cover the numbers. Once the children are older, you can tell them that it's the fist number that must be a 6 or 7. My older boys still remember saying that they could not get out of bed before six-oh-oh.

You can instruct the children to play quietly in their rooms if they wake up before the specified time. Once the time has passed, you can set up a safe environment that allows the kids to be up and fed and you to lie peacefully in your bed- REALLY.

Children as young as 2 can be set up with an age appropriate dvd, a pile of books and quiet toys and a sippy cup of milk. This can buy you 30 minutes to an hour. Sure, you will have to get out of bed to set it up, if you don't have older children to help you, but you can easily go right back to your cozy bed. Be sure the home is child safe first, of course. (Lock up any cleaning chemicals, put away small, choking hazard toys, close the basement door, etc.)

For slightly older children, you can set up their cereal, or other breakfast, on the table, set the tv to the correct channel and they can turn on the tv and eat quietly.

The earlier you teach your children to do these things independently, the stronger their confidence and feeling of independence will be. This is a great trait for kids. It will help them in all areas of their lives, when they are young and as they grow. So, you are not only helping yourself to more sleep, you are helping your children into confident, productive citizens of the world! It's win-win.

Sure, a three year old will beg you to stay in the room with him, but that's what three year olds do. If you tell him that he has the choice to stay up and play and watch the dvd and drink milk or he can may go back to bed, I can tell you from experience that he will choose playing quietly 95% of the time and you will be able to get some extra sleep.

If you start to question the course of action and wonder if you are copping out, reassure yourself. You are getting your much needed rest and that will make you a better parent for the rest of the day. I know it works for me.

If I'm tired, I can be cranky, and if Mama's not happy, nobody's happy!

Times Have Changed

2011-04-06T18:44:00.000-04:00

Yes, times have changed, but parenting hasn't. Or, at least, it shouldn't have.

Our kids are exposed to more violent and sexual images on tv and in video games, but we can still teach them that mimicking the behaviors they see is inappropriate and unacceptable.

The rule in our house is if I see any negative behavior that is remotely related to a tv program or video game, the program or game is immediately off limits in the house.

As I've said before, my boys get a lot of screen time. As long as their behavior and actions are positive, they get to keep the privilege of screen time. By modeling and positively acknowledging good behavior and actions, we usually don't have problems.

I am frustrated when I see kids acting out and parents excusing the violent, inappropriate actions by blaming television and video games. There's no reason for this. As parents, we have to raise good citizens. Kids are not going to learn empathy and manners from tv, we must teach them.

Some people say that preschoolers are too young to learn manners. That enforcing pleases and thank yous on them is artificial. I say that is a cop out. We show them how to appreciate things and teach them to show the appreciation. We teach our children respect for others, empathy, and good manners, no one else will. It is the same as when our grandparents were young. They did not have the same electronic influences, they had the hooligans, but I am pretty sure that if they began to exhibit the behaviors they learned from "the bad element" their parents would teach them right from wrong, and so should we.

Dear Mr. President

2011-03-27T14:04:00.001-04:00

Dear Mr. President and Mrs. Obama,

I am writing to you to appeal to you to light the White House Blue for World Autism Awareness Day, April 1st and 2nd. There are several reasons I think this is a great idea.

I am a military wife and a mom to four great boys. My eldest son, Zack, has high functioning Autism. Did you know that while 1 in 110 children has autism, 1 in 88 military kids has it? I just learned this statistic myself. As a great advocate for Military Families, Mrs. Obama, we'd appreciate your support in this. April is also the month of the military child.

We are lucky to live in an area where we get good support through our local school, but know many, if not most, families like us are not so fortunate.

My husband deployed in December. The boys and I are in Northern Virginia. Zack has moved 8 times in his 12 years. You may or may not know that transitions are one of the biggest challenges for Autistic kids. I work very hard to keep our life stable for Zack and his three brothers. We all work hard together and will be lighting our front lights blue for the whole month of April.

If 1 in 110 kids have been diagnosed, that means at least 9% of the voting public is affected by autism in some way. What a great way to show your support than to light the white house blue for two days! We, the families, would really appreciate the effort.

It was fun to see that you made the White House fountain green for St. Patrick's day, so please do this for us.

We, the autism family community, are counting on you!

Many thanks,
Erin

I was right

2011-02-19T11:28:00.001-05:00

I took Dwight to the doctor and as I suspected, both ears are severely blocked by fluid. The doctor put him on antibiotics, zyrtec (continued), singulair and gave him nasonex to use if it did not start to get better.

He is still not hearing well at all, so we will start the nasonex today. I had his teacher move his seat so that he can be near to where she stands. He told me that when they had their initial spell check at the start of the week, one of the spelling words was "eagle" and he thought she said "evil." Who knows how much information he has missed.

I hope it gets better soon.

What to do...

2011-02-12T19:36:00.002-05:00

My 10 year old can't hear. At least I think he can't. A few weeks ago he told me his ears were stuffy. They didn't hurt, except maybe a little now and then, but for the most part, it was just annoying him. I gave him zyrtec and sudafed and after a few days, it got better.

Lately, though, he is not hearing well. He noticed it and told me about it, but he says it's fine now. I can't ignore the fact, though, that when I talk to him he does not hear me the first time. Could it be selective hearing? Maybe, but I don't think so. He isn't that sort of kid. He doesn't space out or tune me out.

He says he's fine. He does not want to go to the doctor. This is a kid who had four sets of tympanostomy tubes and had his adenoids removed. He is afraid of having to have more surgery. I've told him that is highly unlikely, given his age, but he still doesn't want to go to the doctor. He insists he is fine. I am pretty sure he is not fine, though.

He's a worrier, that's for sure. So, I haven't told him yet, but he will be going to the doctor on Monday afternoon. I've been giving him Zyrtec and Sudafed for a week and he still doesn't hear me or mis-hears me. For instance, the 3 older boys are watching a movie right now and I said, from about 10 feet away, "Is this a good movie, guys?" And Dwight answered, "I'm fine, Mom." Hmmm.

We'll see what the doctor says. I think he got so used to ear pain from having so many infections, he doesn't even realize when he has one now.

Private Parts- keeping the lines of communication open

2011-02-09T08:59:00.003-05:00

Sometimes my husband's absence is more glaring than others. Last night was one of those nights. I walked into my bedroom, having settled the three year old in his bed. I found the three older boys sitting on my bed, talking about Pokemon.

I walked over to the bed and the conversation took a turn... to the uncomfortable side...

6 1/2 year old- "Mom why do private parts sometimes stick out... like mine is now?"

12 1/2 year old- "Oh, that's called an erection."

10 year old- "Isn't it an irection?"

12 1/2 year old- "No, it's erection, or sometimes people call it a boner."

6 1/2 year old- "a boner?"

10 year old- "Yep."

12 1/2 year old- "Cause it's like there's a bone in it."

10 year old- "What if it snaps?"

39 year old mom- "You have to make sure that doesn't happen."

10 year old- "But what if it does?"

39 year old mom- "Sweetheart, you just have to make sure it doesn't because that is a very serious injury... OK, everyone into bed now. It's reading time."

6 1/2 year old- "Mom, when will it go away, it's very uncomfortable."

39 year old mom- "Soon, sweet pea, soon. Let's brush your teeth and you'll probably forget all about it."

And thank heaven for small favors, he did.

It's times like these that the temporary long-term absence of my husband is more obvious. Of course, when I sent him an email to tell him to get himself home so HE could deal with this conversation, rather than I, he said, "that's ok, you go ahead."

I've been the facts of life teacher in the family ever since the first question surfaced 3+ years ago. I don't shy away from it because I'd rather they get the information from me than from classmates. After last night's conversation, though, I am reminded that they get information from their peers no matter what. It just makes it more clear that my input is very important and I have to ensure they get the facts at home before they get them at school.

I bought a book back when the questions first came up. It is called, It's So Amazing. It is a great resource for kids to get questions answered about everything from the basics of reproduction to HIV, sexual abuses and more. I highly recommend it. The creators of It's So Amazing also wrote the book It's Perfectly Normal for pre-adolescent kids. That will be my next purchase.

It would be easy to cower from these topics while my husband is deployed, but the truth is, the more open I am and the more information they get from me, the more comfortable they will be talking about these important issues with me.

Clearly, when they are throwing the B word around with me in the room, it is a sign they feel at ease talking with me. It's important now, but it's even more important when they are teenagers. I'm happy the lines of communication are open.

It's not always easy to talk about the birds and the bees with our kids, but parenting isn't easy, you just have to buck up and do it!

Parenting is Hard

2011-01-18T14:16:00.001-05:00

Parenting is hard. If it seems easy to you, no offense, but there’s a good chance you aren’t doing it right.

We are not supposed to be our kids’ friends. We are their parents. Sometimes, more often than not, that means telling them things they don’t want to hear. Good parents lay down the law at home. Kids need rules and structure.

No one can prepare us for the difficulty of the job, or for the rewards of it.
One of the best ways to restore order and happiness in your home is to have a list of house rules. Write the list on a white board or poster board. Having the rules spelled out in black and white will make it easier to stick to them, both for you, the parent and for your child.

My boys are enthusiastic about our new family success game. My sister sent us Dr. Susan Lipkins’ Be a Star! Be A Star and we have implemented the system. The chart allows the parent to give points for good behavior or take away points for negative behavior. You can move the star up to give points or down to deduct points. At the top is a “happy” star and the child gets a reward when he reaches the top. At the bottom is a “sad” star and the child gets a punishment if he reaches the sad star.

I think the “Be A Star” concept is a good place to start for a family in need of some structure. The Be a Star method, coupled with concrete rules, will help you restore order to your home.

In regard to the rules, engage the children in writing them down. When kids have input in the drafting of the rules, they have ownership in them and will be more apt to follow them.

Written rules can really help parents who are wishy washy, and by that, I mean weak. You know who you are… You tell your child to stop (fill in the blank- making a mess, messing around, whatever) but they don’t stop. You say it again and again and then finally give up. It’s too much work to get him to stop, so you leave the room or throw up your arms in defeat. Not only does this not change the immediate behavior, it reinforces the idea that you are not the boss in the house and that the child can do what he wants. With a rules chart, you can point to the list, tell the child to stop, and if he does not stop, state the consequence- end of story. After a few of these episodes, it is highly likely that your child will start to follow the rules, without being told.

In my opinion, the most important concrete rule that belongs near the top of the list is “no violence.” In our home, we have a no tolerance policy for violence. If any of the boys hits, kicks, bites (toddlers bite, let’s face it), pushes- you get the picture; there are immediate consequences. The boys know this and they rarely use aggression with each other. They don’t like the penalties, but they do know they are inevitable and when I intervene and dole out the punishment, they accept it without argument. Consequences vary, from time-outs to loss of privileges, depending on the severity of the violence and the age of the child.
If you use the Be a Star chart, you would move the star straight to the bottom.

What ideas do you have for rules? Rewards? Punishments?
Leave a comment here and let me know.

2011-01-18T10:57:00.002-05:00

Aspie quote of the day

2010-12-10T17:20:00.000-05:00

12 year old Aspie to 3 year old younger brother:

"Hey buddy, want to see me defy friction?"

Then he slides across the floor in his socks.

Is TV Bad for your baby's brain

2010-12-10T15:37:00.004-05:00

According to a just released study, exposing your baby to just 60 minutes of TV per day can cause cognitive delays. This latest study adds more fuel to a recommendation from the American Academy of Pediatrics that babies under age 2 watch no TV at all.

In my opinion, based on my experience, though, as a parent of four, this is not the whole story. Yes, if you put your baby in front of the TV for much of the day, or even just a short time, and then don't spend any time engaging him in interactive play or talking to him, you are likely to see significant delays.

However, if you let your baby watch a little TV when you need a few minutes to shower, tidy up, or just have a cup of coffee, but you spend the majority of the day playing with him and talking to him and reading books to him, I think it is unlikely that you will see any problems.

As I've said before, I'm not a doctor, so my opinion has little merit, but I have a lot of experience with this topic, so I do feel I can speak to it with some authority. As a Navy wife and mom of four sons, including one with high functioning autism, I have used TV as a babysitter more than I'd care to admit. But, I do engage my kids- constantly. Like I said, I'm a Navy wife, my husband is away a lot, I've got to talk to someone! I am kidding, of course, but the point is, that while I permit my children to watch television regularly, I really do spend a lot of time in positive interactions with them.

Though they all have watched quite a bit of TV, they've all read before their fifth birthdays. One read at age 3 and one at age 4. They have excellent math skills and have been able to make simple computations from very early ages. Yes, my eldest son, who has autism, had speech delays, but cognitively, he has tested as gifted from the age of three.

The point of this post is not to say how great my kids are (though they are, of course) but to put your minds at ease. In my opinion it is OK for little ones to have TV exposure, but you must couple the TV watching with positive interactions with your child.

Run a constant dialog with him. If you are making dinner, tell him, "I'm taking the pasta off the shelf and now I'm going to put into this water. The water is very hot, so we have to be careful." etc... For older kids, have them do their homework in kitchen while you cook so that you can have some back and forth conversation throughout the process.

It isn't hard to enrich your child's brain and you do not have to deny yourself a shower because your baby will cry. In the "old days" we all lived close to our families. We could depend on our parents or siblings or other extended family members to lend us a hand with our kids. Now most of us live far from family and are basically on our own. If we spend every waking moment personally entertaining our kids, they will never learn to be independent and find ways to entertain themselves.

I should make a point of saying that you should only let your kids watch age appropriate shows. You can most definitely cause harm by letting them watch programs that are too mature for their psyches. But letting your one year old watch Ni Hao Kai Lan or your preschooler watch Super Why is not going to hurt.

Beware of visually stimulating shows with your younger kids. Shows that have rapidly changing images and loud noises, including loud music, have been shown to lead to attention issues later.

So, when you need to get something accomplished, don't feel too bad about letting baby watch a little TV. Put him in a safe place with the TV not too close. Give him a toy to hold, so he is engaged in more than one way. Then do what you need to do. Give yourself a break. It's OK.

Two Ways

2010-12-03T12:07:00.002-05:00

Also seen at http://deploymentdiatribes.wordpress.com/

2 Ways

I have a lot of patience. I’m not bragging, it’s just a fact. I wasn’t always this way but, long ago, I decided that it was easier to have patience with our children than to get upset again and again.

Lately, though, I find myself with less patience. I am sure it has a lot (everything) to do with the stress in our house right now. Horatio is leaving in 5 days.

Every time one of the children challenges me, lately, I find myself wanting to just put a stop to the whining or complaining or misbehaving. I don’t have the patience to wait it out.

I’ve been a bit more stern and am putting a stop to the negative behaviors quickly, but a thought occurred to me. Being tough is tiring.

The past week, and the 5 days to come, have been and will be, very stressful. It is draining to deal with everything that is going on. I realized that it would be much easier to let the kids just have what they want and get on with it.

I have up to two years of these days ahead of me. Which kids will I have at the end of the deployment? Spoiled brats who get everything they want? Or timid, well behaved kids who cower when I walk into the room?

Hopefully neither. I will make a conscious effort to be a good single mother. Keep them in line but with a soft touch.

One thing I am pretty sure of is that I'll end up with at least one of the boys sharing my bed much of the time. The littlest one sleeps much longer when he is in bed with me. More sleep is something I find hard to pass up.

Time will tell.

Line Up

2010-11-17T20:47:00.003-05:00

When people learn that I have four boys, they usually give me a look that says something along the lines of, 'I feel sorry for you,' or 'oh boy, I wouldn't want to be in your house, I bet it's noisy all the time.' (Don't even get me started on the comments like, "oh, never got the girl, huh?" I can write about that one later.

I get it, I've been in plenty of situations with all boys and the chaos can be intolerable. However, my boys are usually calm, relatively quiet and sweet. Of course we have moments (or days) when I look at them or listen to them and think that this is what people think my house is like every day and thank G-d it isn't!

They are still boys, though, and like all children, they like to play and run around, so sometimes I have to resort to extreme measures to get them to focus on what I want to tell them. When I am trying to get them to listen to something and can tell that it is highly likely that they are not focused on what I am saying, I'll say, in a serious voice, "line up."

All four boys will line up in front of me, arms at their sides. When all eight eyes are on my face, I proceed to to convey my message. Peace is restored. Everyone is happy... REALLY!

Lately, though, these instances are more frequent than ever. Perhaps it is because they are getting older and have their own agendas.

Whatever the reason, I realize it is time to bring them back into line. I'm not sure how we got to this point, but the straw that broke the camel's back came a few nights ago.

The three older boys share a room and sleep in bunk beds. When I went into their room to kiss them good night, I was bombarded with requests for me to switch their beds. First, Dwight and Bob said they wanted to switch beds, (Bob to the top, Dwight to the bottom.) Then Zack said he wanted to sleep in the other top bunk, across from his, where Dwight is now.

They've asked this before. I used to let them switch frequently, when we lived in China. But here, their beds have shelves and the boys have stashed books, legos, piggy banks, and much, much, more, in the shelves. So, the job is significantly more involved.

I've told them that if they want to switch beds, they have to move all of their stuff. I'll change the sheets, but they are responsible for the transfer of their "stuff". They said they'll do this but wanted me to change the sheets in the morning. They are impatient to get started with the new arrangement.

When I explained to them that I was not going to do it the next day but that I'd do it when I could fit it into my schedule, they began to whine and complain and ask when I last changed the sheets, when I would do it again and why couldn't it be sooner.

It had been a particularly long day and I had had enough. So, I said I would do it when they moved all their stuff and showed me they were willing to work for it like I work for them. They agreed.

Here we are, though, several days later, and everything is still in place. Not a word about the move since the night of the incident.

Sure, I'll let them trade beds. I'm happy to do it. But kids need to know that a family is a team and everyone has to do their share of the work (sort of).

It has been better since that night. They are back in line but still having fun, enjoying being kids. It's a fine line, making sure our kids do their share, but also making sure to let them have fun and be kids.

I'm walking the tightrope, for sure.

Crazy busy nights

2010-11-09T18:13:00.001-05:00

Tuesdays are always busy. The boys come home from school at about 3:40. Bob (6 1/2) has volleyball club at the school from 6-6:40 and Dwight (9 1/2) has volleyball club from 6:45 until 7:30. The kids usually get in bed at about 7:30, so it gets a bit complicated.

The first few weeks of this schedule had us juggling homework, dinners, bedtimes and more. It was not fun. This week, I threw in a focus group that I have to attend from 8:00-10:00, so I decided it was time to get serious about making Tuesday nights run more smoothly.

I started making dinner at 4:30. I cooked a pot of pasta and put olive oil and garlic on it for the boys and pesto for Horatio and me. I sauteed some fish for a scampi of sorts and baked some garlic bread. I put out some carrots and there's dinner- done. We sat down to eat at about 5:15 and were finished by 5:45, Tom took Dwight and Bob to the school while I am home with Zack, helping with homework, and Harold, playing with boats.

Horatio will bring Bob home when Dwight starts volleyball and then go back to watch Dwight. I will get Harold ready for bed but Horatio will put him to bed while I am at the meeting.

I'm going to go clean up from dinner and think about how all this will go down next month when I'm on my own in all of this...

Deployment Diatribes Installment #1

2010-10-18T08:53:00.001-04:00

After today, you can find the Deployment Diatribes at: www.DeploymentDiatribes.wordpress.com

Horatio is leaving home for an unknown period of time, at least 18 months. We've told the boys this would happen. They've known ever since we departed Beijing 15 months ago.

Now, though, we have a departure date and reality has begun to set in. My way of handling this with the boys is to make sure they are kept "in the know" but also that we don't dwell on it. We tell them things as we learn them but then drop the subject unless they have questions.

About two weeks ago we learned that Horatio would be departing soon, so we shared this information in a matter of fact way. I dropped it into our afternoon banter after the boys returned from school.

"Do you want a snack?"

"How about popcorn?"

"OK. Oh, by the way, today we found out that Daddy will be leaving on deployment on (x date). I just wanted to let you know."

"Oh. OK. Why does he have to go? I don't want him to go."

"Well, it is a part of his job. He does not want to leave us, but the Navy has asked him to do this very important job, so he has to. But as soon as he can, he's going to come home."

"OK."

And, life went on... Snack, Homework, Dinner, Bike riding, Basketball, Bedtime.

All was quiet on the subject for a week or so and then Horatio brought up an idea to the boys. We were going through the bedtime routine, the three older boys were tucked into their bunk beds. I was reading Harry Potter to the 6 year old and the Horatio walked in to say good night.

He told the boys he had come up with an idea of a way to make the deployment a more exciting time for the boys. He said he would let each of them choose a new Lego figure (HUGE Lego fans in our house.) He will take the four Lego figures with him and every time he goes somewhere new and exciting, he will take a picture of the Lego guys on location. Then he will email the photos home and the boys can share the experience with him.

Great idea!

BAD TIMING.

The next morning, the 9 year old was crying when he woke up and came downstairs. He said, "Why does Dad have to leave? I don't want him to go."

Not a great start to a day. It took me a while to realize what had prompted the sadness. I'd forgotten that the last thing he heard before he went to bed was a foretelling of his Dad's long absence. I tend to block out the sadness and focus on the logistics of being a single parent. It might not be the healthiest way to deal with it but it works for me. It may be cliche, but I have to be strong for the kids, and in reality, strong for Horatio, too. It would not be good if everyone in the house dissolved into tears whenever the subject of Horatio's departure came up.

So, I arm myself with all the minute details. I deal with the boys' tears, grumpiness and confusion as it comes and try to be a supportive wife in the weeks leading up to the departure.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no martyr. I have my moments of feeling sorry for myself but I try to keep them to a minimum. We have a good support network set up here and I know it helps Horatio to know he's leaving us in good hands. We will both deal with the home-front fallout of the deployment as it comes and look forward to the happy reunion down the road.

it's not fair

2010-10-02T15:55:00.002-04:00

One of my children thinks a lot of things are not fair. I often have to bite my tongue to keep from saying, "life's not fair!"

He does not like to have limitations put on him. He wants a lot of freedom. Lately the complaining centers on the afternoon and evening routines. We have always had pretty early "in bed" times. The three older boys share a room, so we like them to all get in bed at the same time. With ages 12, 9 1/2 and 6, the lights out times vary quite a bit, they end up with a lot of reading time, which they enjoy, but the 9 year old frets over the fact that he has to get in bed earlier than his friends. When the weather is nice, time permitting, the boys can go outside after dinner and get into bed a bit later, but there are lots of times when we start the bedtime routine not long after dinner.

We endure a lot of whining over these nights especially. We've tried predictable consequences, but the debate continues. So, I decided to ask him what he envisions as the ideal afternoon and evening routine.

Our standard routine goes like this:

Boys get home from school between 3:15 and 3:30. They have a snack and play and begin homework at about 4:00. Homework is done with little input from me. I highly encourage the boys to do their work independently. I help when asked but each boy has his personal working space and Harold is encouraged to play quietly or watch a dvd at this time. I usually fold laundry or work on dinner during homework time.

They finish their homework, tidy up a little, and then play until dinner is ready. We usually eat dinner around 5:30 or 6:00. After dinner, if everything has gone smoothly during the day, the boys can go outside to play or have dessert outside. We have them come inside to get ready for bed at 7ish on school nights, later on the weekends. Lights out is 8:00 for the 6 year old, 9:00 for the 9 year old and around 9:30 for the 12 year old.

We are flexible, though. If someone is having trouble falling asleep, they are free to keep reading until they feel sleepy.

Mr. It's Not Fair proposed this routine:
Come home from school, play until dinner. Do homework after dinner, then go outside until 8:00. Shower, get ready for bed, lights out at 9:00.

I am pretty confident that he will see that this is not a feasible routine. If he waits to do homework until after dinner, I might be too busy cleaning up and getting my youngest son into bed to give help if he needs it. Also, it is not likely he will have time to go outside after his homework is finished, especially since the sun is setting earlier these days.

I think the freedom to try his own routine will give my son some piece of mind. I see compromise in our future.

Aspie quote of the day

2010-09-28T17:51:00.003-04:00

quote of the day from our beloved eldest, the boy with no filter: (thank you, Asperger Syndrome)

"Mom, are we having these hamburgers for dinner tonight because you are too lazy to cook something else for us?"

Nice.

In his defense, he amended his comment a moment or two later, "what I mean is, that since you are sick, this is what you decided to make."

Ok, so he's learning.

Mealtime ordeals averted, sort of

2010-09-24T12:48:00.001-04:00

In our house, after many years of setting mealtime rules and adjusting and readjusting them, I think we've settled on something that works.

Our philosophy comes from experience and books. What we do is this:

I prepare dinner. I make sure there is at least one item on the table that each person will eat, whether it is rice or pasta or even just bread and butter, I know that the kids will not go hungry.

If one of the boys does not want to eat the meal I have provided, he can pour himself a bowl of cereal (nothing sweetened) and have as much of that for dinner as he wants, but no dessert. We always have a dessert option and if they at least try each item on the table, they get dessert.

There is no clean plate club here. We want to encourage the boys to try new things and old things again and again, reminding them that their tastes will change as they grow. But, we don't want to make meal time a battleground.

The rules are set, there is no debate. If they argue, they get one chance to stop and after that, they suffer some kind of consequence. The main thing we stress at this point is respect. We remind them that when they are rude and complain about dinner, it hurts my feelings since I worked hard (sometimes not so hard) to prepare the meal.

We also don't want sweets to seem like a forbidden item. So, they can have dessert each night, assuming all the rules have been followed.

Of course the rules are tested from time to time. One of the boys argues over dinner any night the offering is not one of his favorites but he usually backs down when I remind him of the rules.

We had a big battle a few nights ago. One of the boys began whining when he learned we were having Chinese dumplings, rice and stir fried veggies. I want to remind you that he could have had a small taste of the veggies and dumplings, filled up on rice and still had dessert, but he whined and whined. I reminded him he could have cereal, and he asked for a sweetened cereal. I reminded him that that is not an option. He then announced he was just going to go to bed hungry.

This all was probably caused by the fact that he was already in a bad mood due to a large amount of math homework, but reasoning with him got me nowhere. I put an end to the discussion quickly and continued with the meal preparations and then the meal. About mid way through dinner, he caved in and ate a bowl of cereal, then another and another. Then he showered and had time to play before bed.

I find that if we just don't make a big deal about the issue and we don't fall into the trap of the debate, things eventually go our way- the right way!

Tonight's dinner is a fish with spicy sauce over rice, salad and Challah bread. One of the boys will eat the fish, salad and rice without the spicy sauce, one of the boys will eat the spicy sauce over the rice, with no fish or salad, one of the boys will eat it all and one of the boys will just eat rice and salad. Everyone will enjoy the bread and, barring any unforeseen hiccups when the boys are reminded about the small taste of everything, we will have a lovely family dinner.

We also set the tone of the meal by asking each child, first, the best part of their day, and then the worst. This keeps communication open and gives us a peek at their day. I highly recommend it.

Bon appetite!

Terrible horrible no good very bad day

2010-09-20T09:51:00.001-04:00

Did anyone else read that book when they were kids?

Well, yesterday was one such day for me. It didn't start out that way. It started nicely enough, despite some of the boys complaining about going to religious school. They went off to school and I watched the children of the teacher. It was fun to get my baby fix.

The boys came home and we all had lunch together and then set off for Cox Farms, which has a fall festival every year. They have huge slides set up on hay, hay "mountains" to climb, rope swings, hay rides, baby animals and more. The kids love it, and we won tickets via the great site: http://www.dullesmoms.com.

When we got out of our car, though, we realized we had a nearly flat tire. So, we took the boys around the festival together for a while and then Horatio headed out to the car to change the tire. Unfortunately, the dealer put the lug nuts on so tight, he could not get them off. Roadside assistance took 45 minutes to arrive and they couldn't remove the lug nuts either! So, they called a tow truck. I called a dear friend, who came to the rescue of the 4 tired, sweaty, cranky boys and me, while Tom waited for what ended up being about 4 hours for the truck to arrive.

I took the boys home, got them showered and fed and off to bed. Then, just before going to bed, I remembered I'd put my ID in my pocket, so I went down to the laundry room to get it, only to find it wasn't there. I looked everywhere and could not find it. SO, I can add that to my list.

I have to take the car in to the shop to get the tire fixed or replaced and get myself to a military base to replace my ID.

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, but it could have been worse if I'd been there alone with the boys and Horatio had already left on his pending deployment.

SO, I can be thankful for life's little favors, no matter how hard they are to spot.

The trouble with potty training

2010-09-16T08:52:00.001-04:00

Potty training is trouble, no matter when you start or how eager the child is.

My first son had many developmental delays, so it did not even occur to me to train him until he was over 3 years old. Then, over winter break, we took away the diapers, let him run around with no pants on, and in a couple of days he was completely trained. Done and Done.

Many of my friends had begun training their same aged kids a year before and were still battling messes and puddles. Their job was complete at around the same time as mine was, but it took them many months, rather than a few days.

I took this lesson with me as I planned to train number 2. He threw me for a loop, though, when at just over 2 years, he said he wanted to wear underwear and pee on the potty. I knew it would be a mistake to tell him no, so I went with it. He was in underwear from that point on, but refused to go number 2 in the potty. He'd ask for a diaper to do that. I had always said I would NEVER do that, but it is next to impossible to force a child to do that in the potty before they are ready, so I figured I was lucky he was in underwear and just went with it, until he was a little over 3 years old and we were expecting the arrival of number 3. I began to push the issue a bit and finally had success with him, at right about the same age as number 1 was when he was fully trained.

Number 3 was a completely different story. He was 2 1/2, realized his brothers were sharing a room and he was alone. I told him he could move in with them when he had no more diapers... done! We had a few set backs, but he was the exception.

I've already addressed the issue of number 4 in this blog. I felt the need to train him because his "friends" are trained. I felt he wasn't completely ready, but went ahead with it. The method we used for training him was pretty successful, but at 2 years, 9 months, he is still working things out. He has anxiety about number 2, so I have to watch him very closely or put him in a pull up so that I don't end up cleaning up a mess on the carpet. YUCK! I think I put too much pressure on him and he has had some regression, so I am backing off. I reward the successes, talk about the accidents, but don't get upset by them, and, I am pretty sure that by the time he's 3 1/2, diapers will be a memory.

At least I hope so!

Bottom line- don't push it if it's not working. Let your kids guide you. Each one is different, but most kids will train by 3 1/2 and if you wait, it probably will be easier, but you have to do what works for you and your child.

Shaping our kids

2010-09-13T15:46:00.001-04:00

Who is socializing kids these days? If parents don't take care of their own kids, who will? Do some parents think that the world will take care of their kids? Do they think that their kids will somehow, magically develop into good citizens without an ounce of guidance? Is it the responsibility of our schools to shape our kids?

NO

When did this happen? When did parents forget that they are responsible for their kids? Who turned over the shaping of our future to strangers?

The reason I am on this rant stems from an event I attended with my children this weekend. It was a family event for a class my kids are taking. The organizers had put together a great program of crafts and snacks and about 25 children moved from table to table, enjoying the activities.

At one of the tables, the kids could make candied apples using honey, frosting, sprinkles, chocolate chips and more. As you can imagine, this was a popular table.

I watched with horror as a 10 year old girl took a spoon to stab a hole in the plastic seal on a container of sprinkles. She did not have the patience to pause to ask an adult for help. She jabbed at the seal 4 times before the plastic gave way and sprinkles burst out all over the table. She then took the spoon, poured sprinkles over her apple and into her mouth, spilling more over the table and onto the floor. She then looked up and laughed, "I'd hate to be the one to have to clean that up!"

Her mother watched as it all transpired. In response to her daughter's comment, she giggled back, "maybe YOU should." But, it was clear she did not mean it. She just turned and continued her conversation.

WHAT???

How can a mother let this happen and even condone the behavior?

In what universe is this behavior ok? Am I the only one disturbed by this kind of conduct?

I really had to restrain myself. I wanted to walk over to the 10 year old. Look her in the eye and tell her to put the apple down, clean up the mess and leave the room.

Why did her mother not do this? When did parents stop parenting? Do they want to be their kids' friends? Are they afraid that their kids won't like them if they set rules and insist their kids think of people other than themselves?

Yes, it's hard to be the bad guy sometimes and it's hard to listen to our kids cry because they want things, but we are parents. We have to teach our kids right from wrong. We have to teach our kids to be patient and to work for things they want. It is our responsibility to shape our kids and when they turn out to be whiny, rude, messy and without motivation, the mirror is the only place to look for whom to blame.

Clean up

2010-09-06T16:22:00.000-04:00

The boys have to make a group effort at cleaning up the basement every couple of weeks. They just have so many things that end up all over the floor.

Play is a big part of their lives, and with that comes a mess, so, clean up has to be a part of it too.

No matter what, though, clean up time brings conflict.

It starts with the claim that the youngest brother is the cause of the mess. With the blame comes begging for help. Once we get past that, the boys want to know how much they have to clean before they can quit. My answer never changes, "all of it."

Usually, they ask for a reward for when they finish cleaning. I usually say that the reward is a clean play area. But, I always compliment the effort they've made and the job well done and make sure something fun follows the job.

Kids will only do as much as we expect of them. It is very important to have high expectations. Sometimes we have to help them reach the goal, but if we don't expect them to achieve, they probably won't.

Praise is an important part of the process, but too much praise can backfire. If the kids get too much praise, they stop doing things for the reward of the personal accomplishment and do it only to receive the praise. We want our children to strive for success for the sake of personal achievement, not for the compliments we give them.

Praise and reward the effort more than the achievement and you will foster desire and drive in your children.

The clean basement is the reward. The joy of having an open space is the prize. They fight it, but they do it and they make the effort together. Every aspect of the job part of the learning process. It all helps them grow and develop into productive, happy young men.

legos legos legos- what to do about the "I wants"

2010-08-29T10:05:00.002-04:00

Kids are dreamers, right? So, it makes sense for them to think about the things they want- a lot. Where is the line, though?

Three of my boys love legos. It's pretty much all they think about right now. They build the sets they have, they dissect the sets and build new inventions. They build huge lego "bases" and have battles and adventures. They involve their friends, it goes on and on and it's great.

BUT, they also want more legos. No matter how many we have, and we have PLENTY, (we have thousands) they want more. They browse the catalogs, surf amazon.com and have recently discovered ebay. These practices are fine with me. I know it is natural for them to want things. They are kids, after-all.

But, where do we draw the line? How much do I listen to "I want this set," and "I want this mini figure," and "maybe I'll get this set," before I put a stop to it?

They earn allowance for being "good family citizens" and can earn extra money by doing extra chores, so they can spend their own money as they choose. I think it is OK for them to think of what they want, spend their money, and see what it is like to have no money left to buy more or other things. But after listening to the "I wants" for a few days in a row now, I am growing tired of it.

Sure, I tell them to keep a list so they can ask for the sets they want at holiday and birthday time, but the talk continues.

We have 9 more days before school starts and I'd prefer to not have to listen to the retail talk for that long. So, I came up with a solution I hope will work.

Today I will tell them they can tell one another about the things they want. If they want me to know about specific items, they can write them down and show me the list at the end of the day.

I hope this strategy works.

success!

2010-08-22T12:02:00.001-04:00

Harold has not had wet pants or made a puddle since Wednesday morning- the first morning. Hurray! He asks to go and stayed dry in the car for 2 4 hour road trips and is dry at nap time and at night.

However, while we've had some success with pooping on the potty, he's also had two accidents in his undies. I am a firm believer that having no undies or pants on at home while training is the key. When he has something confining his bottom half, he poops in them. If he's bottomless, there's a much better chance he'll make it to to the potty.

To everyone else in the midst of the training- good luck!

Success?

2010-08-18T18:42:00.002-04:00

The book says a child has successfully potty trained when he or she asks to use the potty on his or her own. Just as I finished my last posting, Harold said, "Ok, I'm ready to go potty now."

We went to the bathroom and, miracle of miracles, he peed, more than a little. There's no way I'd say he is potty trained, but I am optimistic and will start tomorrow with hope.

Now he is eating an ice cream cone.

Potty Training boot camp is in session

2010-08-18T18:30:00.001-04:00

I know I say "I Read Every Baby Book- So You Don't Have To," but I haven't read them all. It's an ongoing process. Today I read one that was new to me. It was about potty training your child in less than a day. I took some tips away from it but basically it is common sense, just like most parenting books, the problem is, most of the time we don't do what we know we should do.

It's a common thread, I've noticed, among my mom friends. Most of us know how we should parent, it's just too tiring to follow through sometimes.

That's how I've been approaching the potty training up to this point. I want to get Harold potty trained, but I've been giving it only about half the effort necessary. I know this.

So, with my three older boys at Grandma and Grandpa camp for three and a half days, I am putting on my drill sergeant's hat, I mean my determined mom hat, and getting serious about the potty. I want the diapers out of my house.

So, the process goes like this...

Harold wakes up- 4:19 a.m. I make him go back to bed and fight the good fight until 5:00, when I get him out of bed. Then, I rub my eyes, take off his pjs and tell him it's time to go potty.

He fights a little, but does the deed. He spend the rest of the day in "undies" and we make lots of tracks on the carpet and, luckily mostly wooden floors, back and forth to the bathroom. Every 15 minutes or so. Unfortunately, he only pees a little each time and usually pees more on the floor a few minutes after a trip to the potty.

We had no fewer than 5 puddles of various sizes before nap time, but lots of small successes as well.

After nap and a VERY grouchy waking, Harold makes a good trip to the potty and seems quite proud of himself. With every success, there is a LOT of praising. I'm so proud, he should be proud, Grandma will be so proud, Aunt Annie will be so proud, his brothers will be so proud, etc...

I had to fold the two loads of laundry I'd done, so I put disposable training pants on him, over his undies. Luckily, he did not pee in them.

I'm waiting for the number two to drop. We'll see what happens. Every time I ask him if he needs to go potty he says, "NO." When I say, "It's time to go potty," sometimes he goes willingly and sometimes he does not. It's hard to know whether to force it or not. I'm not giving up, yet. It's less than an hour to bedtime. We'll start again in the morning.

words of wisdom for the day

2010-08-07T20:38:00.000-04:00

If you don't want your kids to do something, tell them, "no." and then don't change your mind. Kids will pester you and beg you to change your mind and will outlast you if you let them.

Try something different next time.

When you get tired of saying, "no" and hearing them whine at you, rather than giving in, say, "I am not going to change my mind. Stop asking or you will (fill in the blank)."

THEN- follow through.

If they stop, reward them with a bit of praise a little while later.

If they continue to pester you, in any way, follow through with the consequence.

It WILL make a difference, and quickly.

read this

2010-08-06T15:07:00.002-04:00

Mothering is a great magazine with some great information. Here's a link to their blog...
http://mothering.com/all-things-mothering/

Autism Speaks July 4th 5K

2010-07-04T15:50:00.001-04:00

A great day.

We took part in the Autism Speaks 5K in Potomac, Maryland today.
It was a great day for many reasons.

For one, Zack could see that our whole family supports him and the cause of making his life less difficult.

Second, we could see about 1500 people supporting Autism Speaks, in one way or another. Whether it was a team rallying around a family member or friend, or individuals just out to run a 5K, everyone contributed the entry fee, helping the group raise money for autism research.

Finally, it was helpful to see other families dealing with similar issues to ours. Some families clearly deal with much larger challenges than we do, but we saw several kids who looked quite familiar to us, as well.

Sometimes it's nice to just get out there and be reminded of what is and is not a big deal.

Thanks go out to the 2010 July 4th Autism Speaks 5K organizers!

Cry Baby

2010-06-29T12:55:00.003-04:00

I don't cry. It takes an awful lot to bring me tears or even close. Over the years, I've been through a lot of ups and downs... Being a Navy Wife, goodbyes, hellos, long deployments... It's all part of the deal I signed up for, so I've had to make myself more immune to the emotional ups and downs. The side effect is that I am less apt to get emotional at other events in our life.

On June 21st, my eldest son "graduated" from sixth grade. I was proud of him, for sure, but I admit to being cynical about the day's event. I mean, graduation? Really?

Don't get me wrong. My husband took the morning off from work, we took the camera and video camera, we were ready to document this mildly momentous event in our first son's life.

We lined up outside the cafeteria and filed in when the doors opened. I positioned myself on an aisle seat so I could easily move out to shoot my photos and video.

The cooling system in the room was not working well, everyone fanned themselves with the event programs.

The student council president started the event with the Pledge of Allegiance. As a Navy wife, I get goose bumps every time I hear it.

The principal opened the ceremony with some thoughtful remarks, telling the kids to be the best they can be for themselves and the middle school next year. She said there could only be one best at any given thing but everyone can be his or her own best. A nice thought, but hard to hear since the sound system was on the fritz.

Between the heat and the poor sound system, I have to admit that I kept checking the program to see how many things were left before we could vacate the premises.

Finally, the kids came to the part in the morning when the they thanked the parents for all the support and love we've given them over the past seven years of school. One of the students read a thank you and then all the kids came out to the parents and handed us a rose and a personal letter.

Next, the kids took the stage to sing. Seeing Zack up on stage, singing, "You'll Be In My Heart" did it to me. I got choked up. Seeing my nearly 12 year old, first son, moving from elementary school, on to middle school, suddenly became an emotionally charged event for me.

I admit, I teared up a little bit, but for the most part, I beamed with pride. It has not been an easy road for Zack. He does wonderfully academically, but any given day is a struggle, socially, and to see him up there, with his classmates, knowing the possibilities that lie ahead, was a great feeling.

I am glad they made a big deal about the commencement from 6th grade to middle school.

Every event can be a big deal or less so, depending on how the adults in a child's life handle it. It was a big deal to Zack and to all of his classmates. It really is a moment of moving from "little kid" to tween.

Next year, these kids are going to be held to different standards and will be exposed to many more adult experiences.

The teachers and parents celebrated our kids' milestone. I'm glad we did and look forward to all that is to come.

Next year, my youngest will start preschool. Will I cry when he gets out of the car in the carpool line? Now I'm not so sure that I won't...

Have you seen these diapers?

2010-06-17T14:19:00.002-04:00

The commercial for the Huggies Jean Diapers is stirring up a bit of controversy.

It turns out that certain networks won't include the ending tag line which includes a reference to pooping. Give me a break! It's a commercial for diapers.

I bought these diapers. I think they are cute, so if my littlest one is running around the yard in a diaper that isn't cloth, better he should be in these.

However, I do think the commercial is a little creepy. I think that if the voice over was done in the voice of a 2 year old it would be funnier and more appropriate, but the humor does out weigh the creepy factor, in my opinion.

What's up with our culture when sexualizing a 2 year old is ok, but a poop reference isn't?
Give me a break.

Style Choices

2010-06-17T10:19:00.000-04:00

What is a parent to do when a child makes a questionable style choice?

She lets him do it. Usually.

A child has to be permitted to make these choices, which, in the long run, don't harm them. They help the child figure out who he is.

Of course, as with everything, there are exceptions... If I know that a style choice will lead to teasing at school, the least I will do is warn my child that it could happen and then let them make the decision.

I also make them wait a few days if the change is dramatic. I would not want them to make a rash decision and regret it soon after the change was made.

As far as fashion choices go, I usually stay out of it, other than saying, maybe, "just so you know, black shirt and blue shorts do not really go well together, you might want to think about changing." If we are going out and I want the kids to look nice, I have been known to put my foot down. Usually, on those days, I pull the kids' clothes out the night before and lay them out so the boys just put them on without thinking. Usually, this method works, but not always.

I am writing this because I have recently been there and done that, again. My 6 year old, who has had long hair for most of his life, has been saying he wants to get a shorter spiky hair style. I put him off for a few weeks, but a few days ago, he became very sure of his desire for the new look. So, I made the appointment, we printed out a style picture from the internet (love google images) and yesterday he got his hair cut.

It was not easy for me. I love his hair long, and it is kind of his signature look. But I knew I had to let him do it. In the end, it looks great. Totally different, but fabulous nonetheless.

He feels proud that he made the change and hopefully he'll take this experience with him as he grows and matures.

Before...

After

Make your own frozen treats!

2010-06-07T18:39:00.001-04:00

We love Trader Joe's for all their great products, but my new favorite is their Fruit and Cream Yogurt cups. The kids LOVE them and I created a great, healthy dessert with them. Stick a popsicle stick in the top, stick them in the freezer and you have a delicious, frozen treat.

The milk used for the yogurt is rBST free and the cups have 4 grams of protein and 6 grams of fat per serving- GREAT for our growing kids!

Thanks Trader Joe's!

The Difference

2010-06-07T15:49:00.000-04:00

What's the difference between preparing for the birth of your fist baby and preparing for the birth of your second (third or fourth?) EVERYTHING.

Here are two...

How many weeks are you?
First time Mom- "22 1/2"
Third time Mom- "twenty um, wait, January, February (counts on fingers) um, about 5 months."

Do you have your layette together?
First time Mom- "Yes, I have 12 onesies, 6 creepers, 10 pairs of cute little socks..."
Third time Mom- "Yeah, pretty much. I think the clothes in the newborn bin are clean, I mean, they were clean when I put them in there and the lid has been on..."

In the throws of the TERRIBLES!

2010-06-01T13:49:00.001-04:00

When a toddler enters the terribles, stand back, make a battle-plan and then move in.

Do not, I repeat- DO NOT go in without a plan.

My plan with the in-house 2 1/2 year old- time out in a naughty chair. Lately, I've spent a lot of time walking back and forth to the naughty chair. Harold often fights the time out, so I just walk him back to the chair and repeat, "time out, 2 minutes."

When he completes the time out, I bend down to his level and say, "you were in time out because..." and explain simply what happened. Most often, lately, it is because he has thrown something or done a great big arm sweep across a table to make a giant mess on the floor.

I am sure there are many parents who can relate. A toddler can be a terror, but I am soothed by the knowledge that they come out on the other end and return to our sweet children, whom we knew before they entered the stage of terribles.

Whether it's the twos or the threes is irrelevant. I've learned from experience that kids enter and leave the terribles at different times. What is predictable is that the terribles are a phase, like any other stage of development. They are asserting their independence and new skills. We have to help them through it all and guide them in their development as happy, healthy kids- oh, and protect the other siblings who often bear the brunt of the outbursts!

Do doctors know best?

2010-05-31T15:04:00.000-04:00

So, whose kids get colds when they cut teeth?

Me! Me! Me!

Why is it that doctors say there is no correlation between teething and runny noses? Well, I guess I know why. It's probably because there is no scientific reason for the two to go together. But, does that mean it isn't something that happens?

I say, "no."

I have four children and nine times out of ten, they have gotten colds just as they cut a new tooth. My 2 1/2 year old is currently cutting his upper second molars. A couple of days ago, he started sneezing, then got stuffy and started coughing and running a low grade fever. The teeth have cut through and the symptoms of the cold are getting better.

The connection is probably that the baby's immune system is compromised as they cut a tooth, so the cause is not a direct one, but there is clearly a link.

If your child runs a fever of over 101 for more then 72 hours, take him to the doctor, even if he is teething, the cold may have turned into something more, like an ear infection. Otherwise, though, wait it out. Treat the symptoms and give the baby Hyland's teething tablets to get him through the tough times.

2010-05-21T09:52:00.002-04:00

www.pbskids.org/read

has free online games for 3 age groups. Great for summer. Maybe kids can early club penguin time by first playing a reading game!

Vaccines- help or harm? what to do...

2010-05-18T14:18:00.007-04:00

Now that I've got your attention, I want to be clear from the start. I am pro vaccine, for sure, but also am extremely cautious with how I allow them to be used with my kids.

My eldest child is on the autism spectrum. I have struggled with wondering what caused it for many years now and, like nearly everyone with a child on the spectrum, I cannot say for sure what the cause is. In my opinion, it is a brain injury caused by environmental contaminants of some sort. When I look back over the years, I can point to several possibilities, although, none is definitive.

First, I had pitocin for 24 hours during my labor and delivery of him. I've heard a theory that extended use of pitocin could be a cause of autism. My friend's son, who was born on the same day, in the same hospital, also with pitocin, is also on the spectrum... Coincidence?

Second, could it be something in the water or environment? Our neighbor, where we lived when Zack was 3 months - 3 years old, also is on the autism spectrum. Another coincidence?

Finally, vaccines... Zack got all the vaccines on the CDC schedule, on the CDC timing. Sometimes he got 4 injections in one day. I know that the medical establishment has studied the issue and has decided that vaccines are not the cause of autism, but I wonder if the toxins included in the injections could be another contaminant that contributes to the cause. More studies must be done.

Scientists have ruled that the MMR vaccine is not the cause, but that does not rule out a theory that the chemicals contained in the vaccines contribute to a build up of toxins and lead to brain injury.

My theory is that it is a combination of things. I wonder if some kids can metabolize all the chemicals better than others. The levels of the toxins build up in the bodies of the kids whose bodies have a tough time eliminating them and they eventually suffer the consequences. Sometimes, kids get such a high level of toxins in one visit, the brain injury is immediate. The shock to the child's system is too great.

So, what to do? How can we, as cautious, worried parents, protect our kids from both the effects of the toxins as well as the terrible illnesses that the vaccines protect them from? Clearly, we want to stay away from both, but at what cost?

I continue to vaccinate my kids. I think it is a dangerous risk to leave our kids open to these illnesses.

I watched Frontline's recent episode, The Vaccine War, (watch it here: Frontline- The Vaccine War ) about this very topic and was infuriated by the misinformed statements by the anti vaccine woman in the show. She said that since the illnesses are no longer a threat in America, it is not necessary to subject our kids to the vaccines. Has she not heard of the recent outbreaks of measles and whooping cough? These illnesses are still common around the world and it only takes one child in a community traveling outside the country, becoming infected and returning to infect all the un-vaccinated kids at home.

Herd protection (the effect of most of the population being vaccinated and therefor protecting the remaining population) is only good in isolation. One infected child can wreak havoc on a community. If an infected child brings an illness into a community a baby who is not old enough to be vaccinated can contract the illness and even die. A child with a compromised immune system could quickly become infected and die. These illnesses are real threats.

It is an isolationist, misinformed (perhaps ignorant) view to say that the vaccines are unnecessary now. My third son suffered not one, but two bouts of rotavirus. His 2 year old body was ravaged by the illness, vomiting 10 or more times in a day. He had to be hospitalized and hydrated for 3 days each time.

Some people would say that a vaccine for this is unnecessary because we were able to control the illness but what about the millions around the world who do not have access to the medical care we had? My fourth son had the rotavirus vaccine.

Here's how I resolve the issue. I vaccinate my kids, but on an alternative schedule. I've read books on the issue and consulted with pediatricians and nurses and came up with a schedule I am reasonably comfortable with. It limits the number of vaccines and combines only vaccines with different chemical make ups at any given visit.

You have to be dedicated to the effort. It requires extra visits to the doctor's office, but in my mind, in helps keeps my kids safe- both from the illness the vaccines target, and the chemicals the injections contain.

If you'd like to see my schedule, leave a comment on the blog with your contact information and I will send it to you.

When Playdates go wrong

2010-05-07T08:49:00.000-04:00

What do you do when your child and his friend aren't having a good time at a playdate?

Yesterday, my six year old had a friend over and they could not agree on activities. They like each other but have different interests. My six year old is a third child and likes to do things his older brothers do. His friend is the oldest of three and still likes to play with Thomas. One of the best parts of having play dates is that the kids keep each other happy and occupied. Yesterday was NOT successful.

Usually, they find common ground and have a great time but yesterday they could not connect. One wanted to go outside, one wanted to watch tv. One wanted to play with legos, one wanted to do a craft.

After struggling to keep them happy together, I finally gave up. I decided that they could go back to the ways of toddlers in playgroups and have parallel play. I made sure they stayed in the same location- either both down in the play room- one playing legos, the other a video game- or both outside- one swinging, one climbing or playing with balls.

Finally, the afternoon ended with them both in the kitchen watching the older brothers work on the computer and helping me bake cookies. (The great equalizer!)

It was a long play date but they got through it and so did I. I doubt they will want to play again soon but eventually will have a meeting of the minds, I am sure.

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2010-04-19T15:46:00.002-04:00

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Life with an Aspie

2010-04-19T14:51:00.001-04:00

I recently learned that people with Aspergers Syndrome often refer to themselves as Aspies. While having Aspergers can often make life more challenging, it is, at least, one of the lesser of the disorders on the Autism spectrum. Some even say it is not a disability, but rather something that makes people special in a great way.

I have to agree with this classification. Yes, it can be very hard to be the parent of an Aspie. Knowing your child doesn't really have any close friends, knowing that each day at school can be lonely and a constant battle to keep his emotions in check might be as stressful for the mom as it is for the child. We want our kids to be happy all the time.

But, the good thing about Aspies, many times, is that they are not unhappy in their less-than-social circumstances. For instance, my Aspie son thinks of himself as quite popular at school. He knows that kids think he is a nice guy, so he assumes this makes him popular.

My Aspie is really bright. This works for him in more than one way. First of all, he does very well in school. This is great because it is one less thing for him to worry about. He often gets overwhelmed by the amount of homework he has, but the work itself is usually not a problem for him.

He is also absentminded, though. Every since he was 3 and started to read, I've called him my absentminded professor. I didn't know then that he had Aspergers, but I knew he was crazy smart and more than a little spacey! Zack can get 100% on a history test, but cannot remember to put the ice cream back in the freezer after he scoops some into his bowl.

The other thing that being bright helps my Aspie with is his social skills. While being appropriately social does not come naturally to him, he can learn social skills. When I notice a situation that he doesn't handle quite right, like when he used to walk up to another child and start right into a fact about reptiles, I take the opportunity to model the correct behavior for him. He can then internalize the behavior and act appropriately next time. This process has helped my Aspie son fit in at school and helped make him a happier kid.

My Aspie has learned so much from the modelling that when tested, he can answer the questions in a way that makes it difficult to accurately diagnose him.

I highly recommend that parents of Aspie kids work gently, but hard with their kids to help them be more comfortable in the "real world." I think our son will be more equipped for his future because of all the work he's done to learn the social skills.

Will they melt?

2010-03-22T13:05:00.001-04:00

I am sitting in my warm, dry house, two of my four children are happily eating lunch at the table 15 feet away, and, I admit, watching Dora.

In about 15 minutes, my two older children will be released from school and into the rain; probably pausing to look out from the school entrance at the downpour over the 1/3 mile walk ahead of them.

Throughout the morning, as the rain has gotten heavier and lighter, I've considered whether or not I should drive to the school to pick up the boys. I picture them walking home, umbrellas in hand, one pulling his backpack, soaking it as it rolls along... So, I debate, in my head... pack up the little ones into the car, find a parking spot, walk to the entrance, find the boys and shuffle everyone back to the car, everyone getting a bit wet in the process. Or, let the boys trudge home, getting wet, to varying degrees.

I was feeling guilty as I leaned toward just meeting them at the door, greeting their drippy backpacks and clothes, muddy shoes and glum faces at our door. Then, I thought back to my own elementary school days. What would my mother do?

I don't ever remember being picked up from school unless I had an appointment of some kind. I am sure I got soaked on more than one occasion and I don't even remember it. Did I melt? No. Did I catch a cold? Probably not. Did I have to change my socks? Maybe. Did I dwell on it? I doubt it.

Do we, as parents, bring more guilt onto ourselves than necessary? Probably. I think it is good to have a little guilt wavering around us, to keep us in check, but I also think it is good to know when to push it aside and let the kids walk home in the rain.

As it turns out, it stopped raining just before dismissal, so all the worry was for naught.

Sinking in...

2010-03-22T11:31:00.005-04:00

Failure to thrive? I understand the name but I really think they (whoever "they" are) should come up with a better name for the ailment that is keeping my 2 year old from growing. I find it hard to look at my running, happy, chatterbox of a two year old as failing to thrive, but that is the diagnosis he has and has been undergoing testing for since February.

The doctor became concerned at Harold's 2 year well check, which did not happen until he was 26 months old. Our family definitely does not have great height genes, but our oldest son, Zack, has growth hormone deficiency, so I just assumed that might also be the cause of Harold's issues. As it turns out, though, his weight is the bigger issue.

This fact really surprised and puzzled me. In my eyes, Harold was perfectly proportioned. I love his little limbs and tiny belly but now that the doctors have impressed their concern upon me, I can see that he lacks the normal toddler squeezable chubbiness. He is still squeezable, but the pudge isn't there.

Now that I see it, it feels horrible, as a mother, to have not noticed it before. But I realize that this is like many other problems our kids have. As parents, we don't want to see the problems of our perfect offspring. We don't want to hear that something is wrong and can't even see it until we are ready. Often, outsiders can see the problems before we, as parents, can.

My oldest son had speech delay as a two year old. He had started saying a few words around age 1 but stopped talking and I had him evaluated at 19 months. The first speech therapist who evaluated him at age 2 suggested he might have pervasive developmental disorder (PDD).

I immediately went to the internet and researched and came to the conclusion that my baby did not have PDD. He was fine, he just had speech issues, but I went ahead and met with a counselor and went through the process of filling out all the surveys for the evaluation. This process is severely flawed, though. A parent can see things much differently than the counselor and interpret them differently. What I saw as a great attention span for playing with a toy car, actually was an early sign of autism but I couldn't see it. I filled out the parent questionnaires accordingly and Zack went without a diagnosis for 8 more years. After all, Zack started reading at age 3, could tell time and multiply and divide at age 5, and memorize pages of text in one reading. How could he have learning disabilities?

But, Zack continued to struggle. While he is a charismatic and charming kid with adults, he has trouble identifying with and interacting with his peers. He would sit with his nose in a book and then spew facts about snakes or dinosaurs and though he had the aptitude for the work, homework would often overwhelm him to the point of near panic.

Over time, I came to the realization that it was very likely he had PDD or ASD but didn't want to take him for an evaluation because I did not want him labeled. I finally took Zack for an educational psychology evaluation when he was 10 years old so that I could have a name for what was causing his daily struggles. I knew in my heart that he had some form of autism but having a name from a professional would help us get help for him. After three sessions of several hours of testing, Zack was diagnosed with mild autism/PDD, dyslexia, dysgraphia and anxiety disorder.

When I told certain people about Zack's diagnosis, such as his speech therapist from ages 3 to 5, and a former neighbor who is a special education teacher, they said they suspected it years ago. I realize that an outsider can't make a parent see more clearly by pointing out their suspicions outright, but I think that friends and educators can gently help guide the parent toward seeing what is there. If nothing else, it can ease the transition once the diagnosis is made.

In second grade, a speech therapist at Zack's school suggested that Zack had characteristics of aspergers syndrome. Again, I went straight to the internet and did not see that Zack had aspergers. Yes, I could see similarities in Zack and the symptoms but did not think he really had it. Yet, as time went on, I could see signs pointing toward aspergers or some other type of autism and eventually took the step of getting Zack tested.

Once we got names for things causing him problems, we could get him better help, both at home and at school. I had to get over MY problem of not wanting to see, then not wanting a label, for him to be able to get help.

Now I find myself in the midst of a challenge again. I did not want to put Harold through invasive medical tests when, in my mind, his issue was similar to Zack's growth hormone deficiency, which could be detected by less invasive blood tests. It took an email from the chief of pediatric endocrinology at a major children's hospital, saying Harold's problem was less in his height and that he is "quite underweight" for me to see how very skinny Harold is. What I saw, before, as adorably tiny limbs, I can now see as sadly skinny toddler limbs and am eager to do whatever tests are necessary to find the cause of his "failure to thrive" and make him better. Harold is scheduled for endoscopy and sigmoidoscopy tests and a biopsy on May 14. I hate the thought of him being under anesthesia but I am now eager to find what is causing his problem and get him well.

Overlooking our children's flaws is good but overlooking struggles that we can help them overcome is not. It is a challenge, but as parents we have to see our kids more clearly to help them grow, no matter how we get there or how long it takes.

what to expect?

2010-03-04T09:40:00.000-05:00

Do we expect too little of our kids?

I was just reading a parenting magazine article about manners. The thing that most got my attention was that the article said that it is too much to expect a 5 year old to smile and say thank you for a gift he does not like.

Specifically, the article told of a child who got an elmo toy and said, "I wanted a transformer." The writer of the article said it is appropriate for the child to do that at age 5. She said it is a teachable moment, which, of course it is, but we need to take responsibility for raising our kids right. Sure, making sure they are well mannered adults is the ultimate goal, but not expecting it sooner is a cop out.

You can start teaching a child manners as soon as they are upright and engaging with you. You give the child a toy to play with, you say, "here you go." The child gives it back and you say, "Thank you!" You can even ask for the child to give you the toy, "please may I have it?" It is as simple as that. It really should come naturally to you and will come naturally to your child if you are consistent.

When it is the child's birthday and family and friends are bringing gifts, prepare your child with the proper way to behave. Model the behavior before the party.

"When Aunt Agnes gives you a gift, you say, 'thank you so much for the gift. I am so glad you came to my party."

Remind the child, several times, that even if it is socks, he should say something nice like what you told him to say.

For a young child, tell him or her that her behavior will be appreciated and that if they don't like the gift, most likely you can exchange it but that if she acts happy to have the gift, the giver will be very happy and if she shows the gift giver that she does not like it, the gift giver will be very sad.

It may take some practice and takes good prep work on your part, but will be successful.

The bottom line is it is irresponsible for a parenting magazine to excuse inexcusable, preventable behavior.

If you have high expectations for the behavior of your children, they will meet your expectations, but the opposite is also true.

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2010-02-24T14:59:00.001-05:00

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To wean or not to wean

2010-01-25T12:39:00.001-05:00

There is a lesson here, if you have time to read though this...

I have breastfed all four of my boys. I feel passionate that it is the best thing to do for my children, but I also know that it is not always possible for everyone and do not judge others for their choices. That said, I do think a mother owes it to her kids to at least give it a try before making a decision not to do it.

My four experiences have all been different from start to finish. When I was expecting my first son, I was sure I would breastfeed him and did not expect any problems. After he was born, via c-section, he latched on and nursed well during his first day.

Being a new mom, I had no idea what I was doing. I had been told two things... that babies basically set their own schedules and that I should never wake a sleeping baby. These two issues set me up for failure. Zack slept 6 hours and when he awoke, he would not nurse. He screamed and arched his back and refused to latch on. In hind-sight, I assume he was starving and was impatient for the immediate satisfaction that came from a bottle that the nurses quickly gave him, after chastising me for letting him sleep too long. He also turned out to be colicky and extremely sensitive to sensory stimulation, so it could have been anything and that is another issue entirely.

This was not the best start to motherhood. I quickly insisted on leaving the hospital 48 hours after my c-section, hoping that once we were home, I could quietly nurse my baby without the pressure of the nurses. Zack continued to refuse the breast, though. Every time I tried to feed him, we both ended up frustrated and in tears. I persisted, though. I could not give up, so I continued to pump and bottle feed Zack. Each feeding lasted twice as long as it should have because I would pump each time I bottle fed him, even through the night, to keep up with the need. After 3 weeks, I was ready to call it quits. I was exhausted and emotionally drained.

One day, though, we were sitting on the sofa, Zack drifting in and out of a nap in my arms. I decided to see if I could get him to nurse while he was in that drowsy state, not so hungry. Sure enough, he latched on and continued to happily do so for the next 14 months.

When he was 14 months, I decided he was old enough to do without the breastmilk and wanted to have some time before we started trying for number two. The weaning process was a challenge, he was pretty attached to the experience, but I thought it was best for him to move on, so I persisted and after a few weeks, he was weaned.

When Dwight was born, he latched on and nursed very well, despite starting out with two days in the NICU and taking a bottle. I was elated to have such an easy nursing experience and I learned that nipple confusion is a myth. I was ready to nurse as long as he wanted. When he was about 15 months, he weaned himself gradually. I was not quite ready for it to happen, but he did it on his own and I followed his lead.

I always wanted four children, but I assumed that number three would be our last, so before Bob was even born, I was bound and determined to let him nurse until he was at least two. We were moving overseas just after he turned two and I figured that the nursing would be great for transitioning him to the new surroundings (and 12 hour time difference.) When he was born the first thing the nurse said to me when she brought him to me in recovery, after my third c-section, was "he is not going to be able to nurse. He is very tongue tied." I was shocked. However, he did nurse pretty well. I could tell he had to work hard at it, though, so we consulted an ENT and at six weeks of age, Bob had a frenulectomy. (They clipped his frenulum, releasing the "tongue tie.") He immediately nursed more easily and I thought my plan was full speed ahead...

Ah, but he had other plans. When he turned one, he tossed the pacifier out of the crib, on his own, and two weeks later, he refused to nurse. He weaned himself, cold turkey, and I was devastated. I pumped and kept up my supply and continued to try to return him to the breast for 6 weeks, to no avail. He had moved on. I could not believe it.

Finally, while living overseas, we decided that our family needed a fourth child. Harold was born while we were living in Beijing. I could see, immediately, that he was tongue tied just like Bob had been. I informed the OB and pediatrician that we would not leave the hospital until they had fixed the problem. On day two of life, Harold had his frenulectomy and he nursed well.

We knew we would be moving again when he was 18 months so I was hoping to be able to breastfeed him through the move. By this time, though, I had wised up enough to know better than to count on it, but he worked with me and was still going strong when we moved. Two separations did not even sway him. I pumped during the absences and he took a bottle until I returned and he latched on without incident.

Harold turned two in December and showed no sign of weaning. I began to wonder if this was the time to guide him through the weaning process but did not feel great about it. He was so happy and I really hated to take that away from him. I figured, though, that two was old enough and much past that might be too old. So, we went from three feedings per day (wake-up, nap and bedtime) down to zero in about a month. Last Tuesday was his last morning feeding. He even gave it up on his own, much to my relief. I wondered how I would ever give it up since it gave us an extra bit of time resting in the morning, but he woke up on Wednesday and said "Hi Mommy, we go downstairs now." So, that was it! Of course I had mixed feelings but I knew it was a good thing for both of us.

He asked to breastfeed once in a while over the next several days, but it was a quiet, half-hearted, request that he quickly moved on from each time. Today, however, he awoke with a fever and stuffy nose and cough. When he asked to nurse, I decided to let him. The comfort and the nourishment it provides is like none other and withholding it seemed unnecessary. So, here we are, back to the drawing board.

The lesson I am hoping to provide in this very long, stream of consciousness, post is that it is great to have goals and a plan but try to keep them loose. If you have a firm parenting plan, you could be setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration. Children come with their own plans and it is up to us to figure them out and work with them. We can learn lessons from our children, but each child is different so we have to be flexible. This lesson is true for most aspects of parenting- sleep schedules, feeding, discipline and more.

When it comes to breastfeeding, I am a big advocate, but I always reassure my clients, friends and anyone who asks... Give it a try. If it is a struggle at first, try hard to get through the first six weeks and most likely it will get considerably easier. If not, evaluate the situation, give it a lot of thought and then make a choice. It is your choice. You have to decide what is the best path for both you and your baby.

So, we will see what tomorrow brings us...
Good luck!

What I am Reading Now

2010-01-19T14:51:00.001-05:00

Don't Swear With Your Mouth Full. By Cary S. Chugh, PhD. It is a great book for parents of children who don't respond to traditional discipline methods. Stay tuned for highlights...

Miscarriage

2010-01-07T09:25:00.000-05:00

Miscarriage... It is not often discussed but it is so common that once the topic is breached, I find most women I meet have a personal story.

At least 30% of pregnancies end in miscarriage but many losses are so early that women may just think their period is late and not even know they have lost a pregnancy. Today, though, with the easy availability of home pregnancy tests that can detect a pregnancy even before a missed period, more and more women are aware of the loss.

When I was pregnant with my first son, I was ultra conservative and careful about every aspect of my life. I ate carefully, did not take any medication whatsoever, exercised moderately- not too little and not too much, etc. My baby was born healthy. The next time I was pregnant, I decided that I should relax a little and not be so paranoid. I really did not do anything differently but at 7 weeks, I miscarried. So, I reverted back to my old thinking and was uber-cautious.

I knew that the miscarriage was not caused by anything I did but making sure I followed all the "rules" made me feel like I had more control over the situation. I knew that by eating well, avoiding medications and alcohol, avoiding any chemical known to be harmful- including caffeine, I was doing the best I could for my baby. I conceived the second month after my miscarriage and delivered a healthy baby 9 months later.

As it turns out, for some reason, I lost a baby before each of my four healthy pregnancies. In hindsight, I now know that I had a miscarriage before my first baby as well. Like many other women, I thought I was just late, but I'm never late. My OB told me that, while there is no way to know for sure, it is most likely that I had a miscarriage the month before I conceived my first son, making the total 4 losses. After a moderate level of testing, no cause was found for the miscarriages. My theory is that the babies I lost were girls and for some reason my body cannot carry girl babies. It is only a theory, though, my doctor did not dismiss the idea, nor did she confirm it.

I know there was nothing I could do to prevent the miscarriages. I did everything I could to make sure my body was healthy before I conceived and continued to do so until my babies were born. Each pregnancy was different. Each one brought different complications but in the end, all the boys are healthy.

Having been there and done that, I would advise every woman who wants to get pregnant to prepare her body by living like she is already pregnant when she starts trying to conceive and continue the clean living throughout the pregnancy. Doing this will help you know that, no matter what happens, you have done absolutely everything you can for your baby. If, G-d forbid, you have a miscarriage, you will know that nothing you did caused it.

If you have 2 consecutive losses, ask your doctor to do some simple blood tests. One simple and often overlooked test is: Factor V Leiden Mutation. Progesterone levels could be low. It could have been a random chromosomal abnormality. Your doctor can help you, so don't be shy. Be your own advocate. If you have more than one loss, and you have to have a D&C, ask the doctor to test the material for abnormalities. If you have a feeling about a problem, don't be shy, you know your body and should ask the doctor any and all questions you have.

If you have any questions or concerns, contact me at Erin@EveryBabyBook.com

Letting it all go

2009-12-07T15:28:00.001-05:00

Sometimes, the best way to be a good mom is to be a little laissez faire.

For most moms, the natural instinct is to hover. We want to protect our kids from any accident that might find them as they make their way in the world. I learned early on in my mothering career that while it was my instinct to try to protect Zack from the world, the best thing for him would be to let him "run" free.

As a toddler, this meant letting him explore the playground equipment without me trailing him up and down the slides. As a preschooler, this meant letting him do his own art projects, no matter what the finished product might look like. I saw parents drive themselves crazy with worry following their kids around the playground, up the ladders, around the sandbox, all around the obstacles. The kids learned to fear the challenges that are intended to be fun for them. Seeing their parents' fear led to reluctance to explore and try things.

Like any mother, I hate to do laundry and clean up after everyone, but I have forced myself to let that hang-up go. Letting the kids run and play and get dirty lets them grow up as independent confident kids.

Years ago, I heard a teacher say that if the day ends with the child needing a bath, it must have been a great day. I took that to heart and just take a deep breath as the four boys head outside to the mud.

See the pictures of Dwight, above, as an example. What should I do? Make him stay in? He had a wonderful time and will probably remember these days when he's older. What does a stained coat mean in the scheme of things when a child makes memories like these?

Are you a helicoptor parent raising a tea cup kid???

2009-11-11T18:28:00.000-05:00

think about it... leave a comment...
more later...

How do they do it?

2009-11-10T10:00:00.001-05:00

Last night, Horatio was tired. He'd had a long day at work and when he came home, it didn't get much better. The boys were a little wired and Zack had a loose tooth, which always creates chaos in his life. Horatio even commented that it's a good thing he is not the stay at home parent because he thought he'd have lost it by dinner time.

So, he went to sleep at 9 and by the time I went upstairs, at 9:20, he was asleep. I heard Dwight coughing so I asked Dwight been coughing a lot or had just started. Horatio said he had not been coughing but it soon became clear that the coughing would not stop any time soon so I took the inhaler and went to give it to Dwight.

In the process of climbing the bunk bed ladder, I shook the nearby dresser a little and a pottery robot that Dwight had painted in 2005 fell, hit a wooden chair and crashed into 100s of pieces. I expected to see Horatio running in to make sure everything was ok, but the hallway remained quiet. I picked up the big pieces of pottery and then went to get the vacuum cleaner and vacuumed up the small bits so no one would step on the shards in the morning. Everyone slept through it, including my darling husband.

What I want to know is, how does he do it? I wake up if one of the kids sneezes. I can practically hear when they stir in their sleep and there lies my husband, sound asleep from the moment his head hits the pillow.

I always remember to check the door and window locks and put the bar behind the sliding door and set the alarm when Horatio travels. Perhaps I ought to be as careful when he is here, now that I know that an intruder could come in and practically take the pillow from under his head without him knowing!

Time management?

2009-11-05T17:56:00.000-05:00

Sometimes a mom doesn't have time to go to the bathroom. When my "non mom" friends hear this, they shudder and shake their heads in disbelief but, sadly, it is true.

When the washing machine buzzes at 8 in the morning and the wash is soaking wet, indicating the machine is broken, a mother's whole day is thrown off completely. What was once a day filled with leisurely run errands to Target and Trader Joes becomes a scramble to find a repairman, a neighbor's machine to spin the clothes, a plan B for dinner and other ways to occupy an almost 2 year old.

When the repairman comes at 10:30 and stays until it is time to pick up the kindergartner at the bus stop, lunch needs to be made and a toddler must be settled for a nap, a mother knows what she must do...

When leaves are all over the floor from 4 boys and their friends going in and out of the house 45 times per day and they need to be vacuumed up, it must be done...

The laundry must be folded, towels replaced on the bars. Playdates have to be scheduled. The cake you promised the kids has to be baked and iced and when the spatula you used to put the icing on the cake falls on the floor you have to clean it up. By then, it's time for dinner to be made so everything else must stop even if it can be made in the microwave.

The trash and recycling have to be taken to the curb and the compost container is starting to smell, so it has to be emptied and cleaned.

Homework has to be dealt with and diapers have to be changed and baths must be given. Teeth must be brushed (mom's own, too, if there's time), books must be read.

Sometimes, these things all run together and a mom forgets to stop and take a break and sometimes she forgets to eat or take her vitamins or even take a shower. But, in the end of the day, she knows she's done her job and done it well and has the hugs and kisses to prove it.

What are they thinking?

2009-11-02T14:04:00.001-05:00

Several people have forwarded the stories about the refund offer from Baby Einstein. My first reaction was excitement about the prospect of getting $15.99 for each of the dvds I purchased over the past 5 years, but that thought was fleeting. I quickly reconsidered and here is why...

I, like countless other moms, have purchased and let my children watch these dvds. The kids love them and I, like many others, enjoy the few minutes the little one sits quietly watching so I can get things accomplished around the house.

Depending on my child's mood, I will put in a Baby Einstein video, Blue's Clues, Ni Hao Kai Lan, or something else. Do I like the educational value these programs offer? Yes. Do I think they will make my child smarter? No.

Maybe I should rephrase that statement... No, of course not. It seems ridiculous to me that parents would think that watching a video would make their children smarter. It might help a child learn colors or letters or numbers sooner than if he or she was watching Spongebob, but the child will eventually learn these things. An early reader is not necessarily a smarter child. Does listening to classical music make a baby smarter? Perhaps. The jury is still out on that one. Listening to Mozart might help children (and adults, for that matter) focus on a task, but a rise in IQ is questionable.

Another issue is whether watching tv does harm to our kids. My personal opinion... No.

The most important thing to do with our children is expose them to lots of things and provide them with the opportunities to learn and explore things that interest them. These actions help our kids become eager learners and enthusiastic school children.

I have three school aged children. Each one has learned to read at a different age and by a different method because each is motivated by different things. My oldest son is now 11 years old. He started reading fluently before he turned four. He watched shows like "Between the Lions" and dvds like "So Smart" because he liked them. One of his favorite activities was to play with foam letters and numbers. He learned to read because he loved the game it was to him.

My second son knew all his letters and their sounds when he was 18 months. He learned them from me, he dad, his brother and from videos and loved the fun he had with them. He did not read well until the end of kindergarten and is a great reader now, as a third grader. He has a wide range of interests and isn't afraid to try any of them.

My third son knew all his letters and sounds as a preschooler and started reading simple words before starting kindergarten. He watched plenty of videos and got plenty of input from me and from others. His teachers say he is doing great as a first term kindergartner. He has many interests and I'm sure he'll do just fine in school.

All three boys watched plenty of tv from toddlerhood on up to the present. I think the programs have enriched their development because they offer reinforcement to the other fun ways they learn and grow under our direction. I do not think the programs made them smarter, and I don't think they have stunted the boys' development. Just like any other element in our lives, tv is a tool and a toy and can be a healthy part of our kids' lives.

The Baby Einstein franchise is just one of the many great ones in the many choices out there. Perhaps it was irresponsible of them to claim that their videos are educational but aren't we, as parents, responsible for knowing what is best for our kids? Our kids all have potential, we'll always have to work hard to help them make the most of that potential. Let's not hold an entertainment company responsible when parents shirk the responsibility of raising their kids themselves. Don't expect a video of any kind to do your work for you.

The bottom line is, if you have a kid? Be a parent. Perhaps The Baby Einstein company could lower their prices as a gesture to parents who take the high road and do not take advantage of the offered refund. I leave that up to them. I will not be sending in my dvds and I will continue to let my 22 month old enjoy them as part of his fun path through childhood.

Sleep Begets Sleep

2009-10-06T14:32:00.001-04:00

I guardedly say that we are headed in the right direction. I decided to get serious with the sleep begets sleep idea. I put Harold to bed 45 minutes earlier than usual and... miracle of miracles... he slept about thirty 30 minutes later in the morning. I did the same thing last night and it happened again. So, we'll see if it stays this way. Of course, 5:00 is still too early but at least it's later.

Hurray

2009-10-02T08:57:00.001-04:00

This morning, Harold called for me at 4:09. The first thought in my mind was "are you kidding me?" So, I went in to his room and without saying a word, I checked to see if his diaper had leaked. It hadn't. I laid him back down in the bed and walked out. He screamed and cried. Five minutes later I went back in and, from the door, told him it was still night time, the moon was still up, and to go back to sleep. He cried for another 2 minutes or so and then stopped and was quiet until 5:30. Yes, this is still early but MUCH more acceptable.

on the bright side

2009-10-01T20:13:00.001-04:00

Harold is still waking at 4:30. My latest tactic is to drop the morning nursing session. He usually nurses as soon as he wakes up, so I'm hoping that if he does not have that to wake up to, he might just stay in his cozy bed.
I've tried a later bedtime, earlier bedtime, shorter nap, longer nap, and all combinations of these. I thought it would be a short phase but we are going on more than a month now, so I am ready for a longer night's sleep.
On the bright side, I can get a lot accomplished when my day starts at 4:30. This is particularly key since we are buried in boxes from our shipment of our household goods. I dream that one day before 2010 our house will be free of boxes and clutter.

J&J recalls infants', children's liquid Tylenol :: WRAL.com

2009-09-25T20:35:00.001-04:00

J&J recalls infants', children's liquid Tylenol :: WRAL.com

Shared via AddThis

Sleep, oh how I long for you

2009-09-09T14:12:00.002-04:00

Harold went to bed at 7:30 Monday night and woke up at 4:30. Tuesday he slept for two hours during his nap. I had to wake him so we could go pick up Zack and Dwight at school. So, I wondered what might happen this morning. I hoped that, despite what I know about sleep leading to more and better sleep, he would sleep later in the morning. Sadly, my hopes were crushed. He went to bed just after 7:00 and woke at... 4:04! Help. I am at a loss... I might have to resort to the Benadryl.

Today we have men here all day installing carpet. We cannot get upstairs at all, so Harold will have no nap. I can only wonder what might happen tonight.

More on sleep

2009-09-07T20:28:00.001-04:00

So, about a day after I posted about the early wake up calls from Harold, he started sleeping past 5:00 again, thankfully. I was so pleased, until a few days later when he started yelling for me at 4:30 again. So, I have been going in to his room, quietly telling him it is still night time and that he needs to go back to sleep. He cries, quietly, and lays down and I leave the room. I don't know if he sleeps but he is quiet for a little while, often until 5:00. He then calls to me, louder and more persistently, at this point and it is clear that he is not going to go back to sleep. So, I bring him into my room, put a dvd in for him, and TRY to get a little more sleep.

The process continues. I just keep reminding myself that this too shall pass. I focus on the positive. I get to spend a little extra time with a sweet, cuddly, 1 1/2 year old... My last baby.

Sleep 101

2009-08-27T10:52:00.001-04:00

When you have 4 kids sleep is a luxury. Everyone is sleeping through the night, usually, and everyone was sleeping past 5:00 every day. 5:00 may sound early, but in our family, I'm the only one who does not like to rise early. 6:00 is the earliest the boys are permitted to get out of bed once they can read a clock well enough to know "six-oh-oh" and it is a hard and fast rule.

Harold, our 20 month old, does not read a clock yet and has not gotten the message that it is important to stay in bed past 6:00. Lately he wakes between 4:30 and 4:50 and it is starting to wear on me.

I've read the books and the biggest message I've gotten from them is that sleep begets sleep. When the children were babies and woke up early, everyone told me to keep them up later than I had been so that they'd sleep later in the morning. No matter what time I put them to bed, though, they'd always wake up early, never sleeping past 7:00. I am not exaggerating. Eventually, I got a few books about babies and sleep.

I read Babywise, and took the scheduling ideas as guidance when my 2nd, 3rd and 4th babies were new. Feeding, playing, sleeping... in that order, but fed on demand. I tried the Ferber method and, while it works, I don't particularly like letting babies "cry it out" and never would use it before my children had reached the age of 9 months or older. Later I read Healthy Sleep, Happy Child and while it also advises a version of the "cry it out" method, the "takeaway" for me was the message that more sleep leads to more and better sleep.

I definitely found this concept to be true. My first son was crabby all the time until he was over 7 months old and I figured out how to get him to nap. He started napping and then started sleeping better at night. My second son was a pretty good napper from the start. He slept so much, in fact, that when I was staying with my parents during my husband's deployment, they wondered if something was wrong with him. He slept so much. He'd wake up at 6:00ish, then nap from 8:00-10:00ish and 1:00-3:30ish and then go to sleep for the night at 6:30. If I did not let him sleep that much, he would be crabby. People would express doubt in my methods, but in the end, I knew I was right.

So, Harold is 20 months old and is suddenly waking up at 4:30 in the morning and will not go back to sleep. I've tried every variety of going in and telling him to go back to sleep. I started tough, walking in, checking to make sure he's not wet or hurt, giving a quick kiss and telling him to go back to sleep. I tried letting him nurse for a few minutes before putting him back in bed. I tried calling to him from the doorway. I tried shortening his 3 hour afternoon nap. (Never a good idea, especially in our family where no one wakes up from a nap in a good mood and no side of the bed is the right side if someone is woken up from a nap before the nap has run its course!) I tried putting him to bed later. Nothing has worked. No matter how I adjust his day time sleep or bedtime, he continues to wake at 4:30. So, I revert to the tried and true... "this too shall pass." I will wait it out and I am sure that he will soon be sleeping until 5:30 or so. Yes, it's early but it is tolerable. Despite the early wake up, he is happy and in a good mood, so I am grateful. Also, he does not fall asleep when we go for a drive during the day, so I know he is getting enough sleep. (A side note... If your child falls asleep every time you get in the car, he/she is definitely not getting enough sleep.) I will wait it out and look forward to an extra hour of sleep, eventually.

I will keep you posted.

1-2-3 Cool It Refresher

2009-08-06T15:57:00.001-04:00

8 years ago I started using a modified 1-2-3 consequence/time out technique and it was life changing. At the time, my 3 year old was throwing major tantrums, whining, and not doing anything independently, it was a daily trial.

The main premise of the technique is that using the technique will eliminate the battle of wills that occurs when parent and child are on opposite sides of an issue.

For instance:

"Mom, I'm hungry, can I have a snack?"

"Dinner is in an hour, so you need to wait."

"But I'm so hungry."

"Sorry sweetheart."

"But I want something. If you don't feed me, I'll starve..."

I probably don't need to go on, we've all been through it and it lasts for the entire hour leading up to dinner. Using the cool it, 1-2-3 technique, you put an end to the madness! The key is to use it consistently and not waver from it.

"Mom, I'm hungry, can I have a snack."

"Dinner is in an hour, sweetheart, so no."

"But I'm starving."

"That's 1." Say it calmly and matter of factly. No need for an explanation, your child knows why you are saying it.

"But, Mom..."

"That's 2."

If you get to 3, the child pays a consequence. A time out of 1 minute per year of age might be appropriate, but whatever it is, it should be consistant and fair.

In our house, we also use the technique for ongoing problems, like whining. Kids seem to enter the whining stage at age 5. I institute the 3 strikes and your out method to attempt to minimize the whining. The child gets 3 strikes per day. The rules are discussed ahead of time, so it's not a surprise when the child gets his first strike. If he gets 3 strikes, a consequence that is meaningful to the individual is given. Right now, loss of video game time is the most common consequence.

When I use the method consistantly it is very effective. The key is to always use it so the child knows what to expect.

As I type this entry, I am using it! My 8 year old is asking for a snack and dinner is in 45 minutes. He asked for a snack, I said "no" he protested, so I said, "that's 1," and he stopped! It's a little trickier with the 5 year old.

Coming soon...

Time outs- what works and what does not work...

Grocery Shopping With Kids in Tow

2009-08-03T16:38:00.000-04:00

OK, so it's not the ideal situation but we all have to do it. I mean, really, what would you rather pay a babysitter for? Time spent at the grocery store, or time out on a date with your husband (or a mani-pedi...)?

So, today I set out for a major stock-up trip at the commissary. We live about 20 miles from the nearest base with a commissary, so just getting there is an adventure. We set out at 9 a.m. and by 10:00 we were there. I was feeling in-the-zone, so I decided that we could also accomplish a short list at the Post Exchange. Of course, that turned into a 45 minutes journey up and down the aisles, "stop poking each other, stop pulling things off the shelf, no, we can't get pokemon cards," etc...

On the the commissary...

I quickly realized that I must utilize some sort of strategy or I'd barely survive the adventure. So, I took one of those carts that can seat two big kids in the blue seats and a toddler in the cart itself. I had the five year old sit in a seat across from the toddler and rotated the 8 year old and the 11 year old in and out of the other seat. This way, only one child was out on the loose at a time. This turned out to be a great strategy, though I kept finding myself looking for the kids to be scattered around the aisles, only to find them exactly where the should be... seated in the cart.

Before I knew it, it was 12:30 and I could hardly believe no one had complained how hungry they were. I guess I owe this to the fact that I had them each choose a snack to eat in the car on the drive to the store. By 12:45, the toddler had begun to melt down. By this I mean he was pulling items out of the cart and dropping them on the floor, quickly escalating to him taking the frozen pizzas and bopping his brothers on the head. So, I planted the 4 kids and the cart at the end of an aisle, ran back to get the packaged cheese and yogurt drinks and quickly headed to the check out lanes.

I enlisted the help of my brawny 8 1/2 year old to move the overflowing cart of groceries on the belt, paid the $271 bill and headed home.

Lessons: Give the kids jobs, keep them contained, and let them each choose at least one item you don't mind buying anyway.

Moving with Kids in Tow

2009-07-21T16:57:00.000-04:00

As a Navy wife and mom, I've had to move house 10 times in 13 years. Last month, my husband, four children and I moved from Beijing, China to the Washington DC area. In all the moves we've done, I think the most important thing to do, to lessen the chaos and instability, is create familiarity wherever we go.

For us, stability means staying together; keeping the children's favorite items with us, such as: books and toys and anything that goes to bed with them at night; and making the new house look as mch like the old as possible. The best way to do this is to make sure the first thing I do when we move in is put up pictures and get the children's bedrooms and playroom and kitchen in order.

Once the children have their living spaces in order, they can start to adjust and settle in to their new surroundings. All the other unpacking can come later. If the children are happy in their home, they can play and relax and you will have time to unpack everything else.

My number one piece of advice during a move is to pack tools, lamps, cleaning supplies and bedding, and other linens, in boxes that will be easiest to find and the first to be unloaded.

More to come...

Welcome

2009-07-21T16:41:00.000-04:00

Hello. Now that we have moved from China, I am starting a new blog to go along with the Every Baby Book site.

My site is www.EveryBabyBook.com. Prenatal to Preteen, I Read Every Baby Book... So You Don't Have To...

I've been reading books about pregnancy, childbirth, babies and kids ever since I was expecting my first child. There is a lot of great information out there. Unfortunately, each book only has bits of the great information and lots of other stuff to sort through to get to it. So, I decided to be the source to put all the good information together.

In addition to all the reading I do, I have 4 children, I'm a Navy wife, a special needs Mom, and a teacher. I have all the experience from these roles, plus written resources, in my head and I love to help other parents. Not a day goes by that I don't have some kind of issue to deal with at home. Our house is by no means perfect but I try to put what I know to use and I am always available to help any parent who needs help.

I answer questions by email: Erin(at)EveryBabyBook.com and I will answer questions left as comments on the blog.

I do parent coaching in your home or mine and I conduct "Parenting with Poise" seminars.

Send me an email for further information.

I look forward to hearing from you.